just type your fav. joke!!! (nothing too crude)
2007-01-19 06:46:34 · 13 answers · asked by pam_ple_mousse 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
An Englishman, a German and an Irishman are sitting in a pub having a pint. A fly falls into the Englishman's mug and he pushes it aside with a grimace and asks for another. Next a fly lands in the German's beer. He picks it out, throws it over his shoulder and continues drinking. Another fly comes along and lands in the Irishman's beer. He picks it up, shakes the fly upside down over his beer and yells "Spit it out, ye wee b astard!"
2007-01-19 07:15:59 · answer #1 · answered by nuthnbettr2do0128 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have 2. Here goes:
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an Old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" She said. With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
The mother tells it like this. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year-old came into to the room as I was getting ready to get in the shower. She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!” I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” “I know,” the little girl replied, “but what’s growing in your butt?”
2007-01-19 17:45:13 · answer #2 · answered by F.A.Q. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DAM! the muffin joke was taken already (which is one of my faves) so ima take it down a notch in funny with this one:
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders shots for him and his companion. They both get hammered and the giraffe passes out on the bar. The man gets up and starts to walk away until the bartender turns to him and says "HEY! YOU CANT LEAVE THAT LYIN THERE!" The man replies, "It's not a lion, its a giraffe..."
I know its corny
2007-01-19 14:56:25 · answer #3 · answered by cwazyjoe 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
A cricket walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I have a drink named after you!"
The cricket replies, "You have a drink named Floyd!?"
2007-01-19 15:19:14 · answer #4 · answered by David T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Three strings walk into a bar. The first string goes up to the bartender and asks for three whiskeys. The bartender looks down at the string and says, "Sorry, buddy - we're not allowed to serve drinks to strings in here."
The second string steps up to see what's the matter. "We're paying customers, and we demand three whiskeys!" he grumbles.
The bartender says, "Listen, fella - I'm just following the rules. No strings allowed in here."
The two strings sulk back to the table and tell the third string, who really gets angry. "I know how to handle this!" he growls as he begins to double over and tie himself into a messy tangle. Swaggering up to the bar with strands flailing in every direction, he shouts, "Bartender! I want three whiskeys, and I want them NOW!"
The bartender casts a suspicious look and asks, "Hey... Aren't you one of those strings that came in here earlier?"
The tangled-up little guy shrugs and states confidently, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"
2007-01-19 14:56:33 · answer #5 · answered by SlickNick 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
When yo mamma fell I didn't wanna laugh, but the cement was crackin up
2007-01-19 14:56:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What did a fish say when she hit a wall?
DAM!
2007-01-19 15:13:28 · answer #7 · answered by mr curious 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay their was this guy who wanted to get something for his wife while he was away on buisness so he decides to go into this store filled with different sex toys. he goes up to the clerk and tells him the situation so the clerk goes what about the voodoo dildo? the guy goes what? and he says the voodoo dildo so he asks the guy to open the door so the guy opens the door and the clerk goes "voodoo dildo. close door" so it closes the door then he goes "voodoo dildo. box" it gets in the box so the guy buys it and explains to his wife that if she ever gets horny while he is gone just to say "voodoo dildo. pussy" so he leaves and she gets really horny so she goes "voodoo dildo. pussy" and up it goes and then she trys to pull it out and it wont move so she goes to the hospital to get help. she gets pulled over by a police officer and she explains the problem and he doesnt beleive her so she gets the ticket for speading.
2007-01-19 15:00:25 · answer #8 · answered by chestnut_ranch 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Two muffins in an oven.
One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other replies, "Holy SH!T! A talking muffin!"
--gets me every time.
2007-01-19 14:50:09 · answer #9 · answered by imaginasian911 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Your Face.
2007-01-19 14:49:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 0⤊ 6⤋