I am 21 and have been with my boyfriend (who is the same age)for 2 and a half years, we have a fantasic relationship together, we enjoy spending time with each other and are not only best friends but also soulmates.
The problem is I no longer find him sexually attractive, my attraction for him has always been mainly based on his personality and not his looks. Recently this lack of physical attraction has become a problem. I have 'gone off' of sex with him, (although I still have sexual desires) and have found myself fantasizing about other men, I do get quite alot of attention from men and wonder what it would be like to carry out my fantasises. Although I know this would hurt him deeply.
Im not sure if this has anything to do with it but I was a virgin when we got together and I have had not slept with or had a serious relationship with anyone else before him.
I have always wished I met my boyfriend later on life so I could see men and have fun while I am this age.
2007-01-19 06:36:41 · 20 answers · asked by Simo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Aaaaw, I know what you mean.
The thing is......you're not going to automatically and magically become attracted to him in that capacity. At your age, this is just the beginning of why so many of us feel that "love sucks" sometimes.
It sounds like you guys have been great friends all of this time. I think you need to let him know that it is time for you to explore some other avenues in the realm of getting to know others.
Sure, it will be uncomfortable and there will be some sad and maybe negative emotions, but this is the part of maturing and becoming wise.
Sure, its unfortunate to hurt people we care about. But it is a necessary evil. You are ready to do more exploring in dating and you shouldn't hold yourself back from those experiences.
I'm sorry, but it sounds like its time.
Good Luck to you and him.
2007-01-19 06:42:33 · answer #1 · answered by Bathroom Graffiti 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow...tuff situation. I say that if you really love your boyfriend, try to work things out...who's to say that a hot guy at 21 will be hot at 30 or 40. Just a quick example....I used to weigh 220lbs and have lost 90lbs...I now weigh 130 and the same guys that were making fun of me are now practically drooling on me. Its really the personality that matters. Maybe you can help your boyfriend get in better shape. Why don't you guys get a gym membership together and spend some good quality time as a couple. I don't know how open your relationship is and I don't want to sound stupid but have you ever taught of threesomes or maybe swinging for a night.....definitely not for everybody, especially if you have a hard time trusting each other....but might be a interesting solution for the moment. Give this guy a chance if the only thing wrong with the relationship is that you are not attracted to him. Go shopping together for some nice clothes, go for a make-over., do things as a couple and see if it helps....
2007-01-19 06:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe that you are soulmates then there should be nothing to come between you but since you do not feel attracted to him anymore you may not really be soulmates. If you stay with him and never have sex it will eventually hurt him because he will start to wondewr why you no longer want to be sexual and if you see someone else while with him you will hurt him .I think you need to find out what you want in your life and decide wether he is truly your soulmate or not
2007-01-19 06:45:18 · answer #3 · answered by melthule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to me looks are a relative matter. some people find guys that i like not attractive, others find them cute and so on. but if i dont feel physicaly attractive to a man as well as emotionally, then i ant build a relationship with him, especially if i know its going to get intimate. because for so many people sex is part of the relationship and sex is very physical. i think that your lack of desire for your boyfriend may eventually make the relationship go sour. you could try being intimate other ways. doing little things for eachother, sharing secrets only you two know, things like that and maybe you'll start to desire him more. but if you feellike your definately going to end up cheating on him because of your desire for other men, then i suggest you take some time off and see where time leads you, and find out what you really want.
2007-01-19 06:56:08 · answer #4 · answered by ursNonlyUrs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know EXACTLY what you mean. This has happened to me too. I've been with a guy for five years - highschool sweethearts - and I missed out on a lot of new things; like dating other guys. And I completely understand the fact that it is almost depressing to think that that is the only man you have had intimacy with. Whenever me and my guy did *it* I couldn't get aroused anymore eventhough I loved him with all my heart and wanted to have sex with him. Well, we took a "break" for a few weeks and I met another guy... and I got ExtRemELy aroused. It is very weird but I beleive.. we're humans and we get tired of having the same ol' thing sometimes. My advice: go secretely carry out one of your fantasies..do it for YOU, it really will prove to you if you want to stay with your b/f or if you want to go see what life could have in store for you......... Good Luck!!
2007-01-19 07:04:41 · answer #5 · answered by Britni Gayle 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Break up. You were too young to have gotten into a long term serious relationship. Having fun doesn't mean you have to have sex with other men, but I think you do need to get out there and experience life on your own-- he's become your security blanket.
2007-01-19 06:41:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not being fair to your "soulmate" or friend. He deserves more than you have to offer and neither of you will be happy. Be truthful and move on. Do not drag him along because you are such good friends and cannot do without him. Let him go and find someone to be happy and complete with. That's what friends do-care more for their friend than themselves.
2007-01-19 06:46:14 · answer #7 · answered by towanda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be Honest with him. Tell him that you think of him as your soulmate and not as your Lover.
Most realationships are lucky to last the test of time so if you are having doubts now, then am afraid you always will !
2007-01-19 06:42:32 · answer #8 · answered by scottie322 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do him and yourself a favor. Tell him and move on. He treats you good but you are letting it go. Then let him go so he can find a women that wants to be in a fantastic relationship. Not to sound mean. But right now you are being really unfair to him. Tell him
2007-01-19 06:41:28 · answer #9 · answered by Reggie M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that you think 21 is old. It is best to experiment now; so that thirty eyars from now you don't want to say coulda shoulds woulda. If you want to be honest with him and he leaves you it wasnt meant to be anyway. If you don't want to hurt him just go for it. Good Luck and if you have any other questions regarding this....plit10@yahoo.com
2007-01-19 06:43:19 · answer #10 · answered by Plit10 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋