How long should I give her &how can I help?

Question

My daughter had a baby dec20 4mn early ,she is only 15 She passed away jan1st.Her name was kayden,my ex is telling me I need to get her back to school.she dosnt need to be laying around the house all day.I think she needs more time, she just lost her child ,he says she didnt know her child , kayden was with us for 13days. not to mention she is a child herself.she has beenthrough alot.needing help here!!!!

Answer 1

Your daughter needs some major support before being thrown back in school where kids can be cruel. I am sure she will be asked about the baby and it will not be pleasant.
Before doing anything, let her go to a counselor or therapist to talk about her issues first. I am SURE that she had an attachment to the baby, it was INSIDE of her for goodness sake.. she felt it move and kick.
She is probably dealing with many things, including: post partum depression, post mortem depression. If not given the correct support and treatment she could probably end up hurting herself even more and starting risky behavior again, if you know what i mean.
She will need to re-enter school at some point, but you should verify that first with a counselor/therapist and doctor. They can help YOU make the right decisions as well. Also consider having her change schools if you think it will be too much pressure to go back where she can be ridiculed.

Answer 2

What an insensitive jerk! If they start experimentation for male pregnancies sign him up! Being pregnant is a bonding time with baby and even if Kayden was 13 days it was a human life and hehas no right to talk. You should schedule a doctors appointment for your daughter and have your ex go with her so he can get the riot act from the doctor. He unknowingly could push her to Suicide and he needs to know that. Post partem depression is a serious thing. And if he is your ex what right does he have saying anything. Tell him that he needs to shut his mouth and let your daughter mourn, by March is when I would say that you should be encouraging her to go to school. And get her into some counseling. So sorry to hear that she lost her baby.

Answer 3

Think your daughter needs support not school. None of her school friends will be able to relate to what she is going through. Maybe consider some counselling - see your doctor. Does your daugther know why the baby was born so early? Was there a postmortem? I think this info may be useful for her for the future and may release some of the self-blame felt by your daughter. Just give her love and support. Yes, encourage her to go out but remember she is bereaved. Maybe encourage her to get in touch with SANDS (Stillborn and Neonatal Death Society) - you can get their number from the neonatal unit at the hospital where Kayden died or from the maternity unit/your GP.

Answer 4

Yeah she should get back to school but in due time, your ex needs to back off. Your daughter has been through a very traumatic time, not only was she pregnant at a very young age, she has also lost her child. As for not knowing her baby that is a load of rubbish, it was still a part of her, it was still growing inside her. If your daughter is having a real hard time she made need to have a talk with someone.

Answer 5

I agree with your ex to some extent- that getting back into a routine (of school) and out of the house is a good first step. Obviously the loss of a child is devastating for anyone. Perhaps her guidance counsellor at school can recommend a good therapist or grief support group that she can work with, and maybe she should have an exam by her dr. She could be grief stricken AND have regular and post partum depression, so better to get a doctor's input. Good luck, I'm sure this is tough for you too.

Answer 6

i think getting her back in school is a good idea.
talk to her and ask her what she thinks is a reasonable
period of mourning. i would say don't let her lay around
the house each day, have her do grief assignments such
as writing in her journal about her feelings about the loss
and making plans for her future life. or visit the 'grave' if there
is one. to help her get through it. watching tv all day won't help her get through it. make sure she has counseling.
then agree on a date for her to go back to school.
(possibly a different school that before?) talk to her about her feelings and these issues. Consider online or virtual school.
or even home schooling. something. then when the agreed-on date comes she can go back to school. i would say maybe another month at home.

Answer 7

I am so sorry for your loss....

granted she does need more time to grieve. there are support groups that you can call for her, or even getting her into therapy of some sort. im sorry to say this but tell your ex to "F" off because there was a bond that was made with your daughter and her baby. no matter the age, can seriously screw with someones emotions, and head. i will pray for you both...good luck

Answer 8

if i were you i would bring her to a therepist to help her cope with everything and help get her life ontrack. You dont want to keep her out of school to long b/c she will fall behind everyone else and just feel more and more alienated. she did have and loose a child but, as you said; shes still a child herself and needs to have a childhood. dont let this event form the rest of her life

Answer 9

Sorry but you're ex-husband is an idiot. It doesn't matter if she's 15 or 30. Losing a child hurts.
Get her into grief therapy so she can learn to deal with her sorrow and my deepest sympathies to you and your daughter.

Answer 10

She needs to talk to a grief counsellor about the death of the baby. Your husband doesn't understand the bond that a mother has with a baby...they don't understand that you had that beby growing inside you. She needs to talk to a counsellor and get back to a regular schedule. Its been a month already...get her someone to talk to.