My boyfriend wants to take a break? But he says its different?

Question

Okay... he has been staying almost every night with me and he says that he doesnt ever have time to relax, do his housework and pays his bills. We tried having him stay home a few night a week to get caught up... but he always ends up just messin' around... drinking or playing on the internet or video games. He says he needs a break to get his life back together. But he also says that he doesnt want to date other people and that its JUST TO GET HIS FINANCES TOGETHER, ECT.

I told him that I would leave if he took a break from us, and he said that its a risk he'd have to take. Thats pretty messed up, especially when we are seriously talking about marriage and my kids are also involved.

He asked me to please love him enough to wait for him... but he couldnt even tell me how long this break was for. He said he didnt know how long it would take. I trult love him and I want to spend my life with him. Do you think this is his way of letting me down easy? What do I do??????

Okay... guys. Some of you arent getting it. Im not smothering him. I just like spending time with him. And yes, me having children is his problem too. But only because I told him that if I let him get close to my children, he wouldnt be able to just walk away. Thats what their father did. Otherwise we could have kept dating on the weekends. No biggie.

He has lied to me before about stupid crap, aand yes, this makes me think that there is more to this break.

About moving in together. I want that. I live in an apartment, he is buying his house. His sister lives there. We do not like each other. Period. He wont live with me unless its in a house.... which if he ever left, I wouldnt be able to afford alone. So, I cant risk that. He refuses to live in an apartment . And he wont ask his sister when she could possibly move out. She has a high car payment and wouldnt be able to make it on her own. Her note is for 7 more years. So, what? Im supposed to wait?

Answer 1

When I guy feels he has to take a break, it means that he is questioning the relationship or that he wants to see if there is anyone better. If I was in your situation, I would just let him go ... why waste time with someone who is not sure about you when there is probably someone better out there who really deserves your love.

Answer 2

Well cookie I can see where he's coming from but I can see where you are coming from too. If you're not seeing other people than it's not a break. All he had to say that he needed some time to get his finances together, than that way you'd still know that it was nothing personal. It's not your fault that this is all he's doing when he goes back home. He needs to focus himself, I don't see how not being with you is going to help if he's playing video games and getting drunk. If you love him than wait, why leave someone if he says that he loves you and that he won't see anyone else? Then again, if you told him that you would leave if he did that and he said that, that's a chance that he has to take. That makes me think that maybe he is planning on doing something else besides just getting his finances together. The thought of losing you should have been a chance he should not have been willing to make, though I do think it's good that he's trying to get his life together. However, if he can't concentrate or focus with you, how does he plan on doing it when you guys get married? Is he going to leave the house whenever he can't focus? Is he going to need more breaks for the rest of your guys life? Is he going to walk in and out of your life whenever he feels like it? Love should not get in the way of you knowing what you have to do. You make allowances for people you love but you do not let them walk all over you and turn your life around. You should be able to focus, because that's something that you're going to need for the rest of your life. Think about all this stuff. Think about your children and think about the pros and cons of being with him. If the bad outweighs the good dump him, because he'll only be more trouble in the end. If the good outweighs the bad, let him take all the time he needs. Good luck babe!

Answer 3

Well, my advice would be to call his bluff and say ok. Tell him you think it's a great idea and you've kinda needed a break too. When he leaves, don't act like you care, just say bu-bye and let him go. Don't answer the phone for awhile or the door. When you do talk, tell him you're busy and are so glad to be getting this break, because you were starting to feel smothered. Don't ask him back first. This will drive him nuts and he will be asking to come back. You always want what you don't or can't have. As long as you act needy or clingy, he won't want you. Maybe during this "break" you'll find someone better anyway!

Answer 4

Don't become a clinging vine. Let the man get some air. Give him a chance to miss you, at least. While he's gone, you can catch up with your own housework. Spend some time with your kids, or visit your mom. Do your nails, exercise, bake some cookies. Paint your bedroom, hang some new curtains, pack a lunch and take the kids to the park. Do something other than wait for your boyfriend to show up. You're choking the life out of him. If you keep it up, you're going to lose him.

BTW: Those are your children, not his; so don't try to take him on a guilt trip because he needs his space. Whether he marries you or not, you are responsible for your children's happiness--not him. Understand that.

Answer 5

Guys feel like this when we think we have the girl under the palm of our hand. What you have to do, and trust me, if you do this he will be crawling back and saying how he made a mistake...

You have to let him go... make him be the one to call you, you don't call him, and if he asks why you haven't been calling or anything (then you know your doing good), tell him that your giving him his time, and that it's actually a good thing because this is giving you time to do things that you wouldn't normally do if you were with him... (haha, this will make him thinkkkkk alot).

But you have to be strong to do this, cause it's not easy for a girl to do, especially one that is really in love with a guy. But if you play the game right (i know, nobody likes to play games, but that's what you gotta do), then he will come back.. if he really loves you.

But, if he doesn't, he might have a girl on the side, but want to keep you as an insurance policy. Don't hesitate to go out with other people, have your fun, and try to keep your mind off of him as much as you can.

You can do it, i know you can :)

Best of wishes,
Kidman

Answer 6

First off, let's start with a warm heartfelt hug from one human being to another, something we all need from time to time, just to help re-ground us and quiet our mind. Secondly, I just prayed that you be sent a special blessing and guidance from the universe and your higher power, so listen to that still inter voice when it speaks to you after reading this and the answer you are looking for will be answered, by your own spirit. After all who could possibly know you better, right. Sometimes, when we seek advice from other people, what we really want is a good ear, someone to listen. If you have an opportunity to release what is that is bothering you or your troubles, then the universe can get busy finding your answer for you. I hope you understand what I have just said, take a hot bath, put on some relaxing music, light a candle, pour yourself your favorite beverage sit back and relax, let your mind release all of your feeling, all your thoughts as if they are washing away slowly, then quietly ask your spirit this same question you asked here.... and then remain silently relaxing...as plain as day it will come, trust the answer. I have tried this thousands of times myself in my own life journey and it works, it has helped me raise five children and six grand children. Know matter the out come of your answer, know that the universe loves you unconditionally and wants what is best for you, you must truly love yourself before you can love another person. If this boyfriend isn't the one, you will receive a special someone when the time is right. If he is the one you wait for, then your love will grow even stronger. Third, always remember that love isn't just about whoopie, it's about communication and having someone to confide in and trust in. Truly love with all your senses, mind (brain...listen), body and soul (heart). I wish you the very best in love, enjoy the journey. In closing, let's have another warm hug. Sincerely, OneDreamCaster

Answer 7

I say give him the time he needs. And if feelings change then you know it wasnt ment to be. I am not saying wait years for him tell him you'll wait x amount of weeks and if he hasnt gotten to where he feels he needs to be then to love you enough to let you go. Ive been in your place honey and it was for the best because he always jack assed around like you claim your man is doing and had I married him I'd be in the same **** hole he got himself into

Answer 8

I think that if you love him, you could wait for a little bit. (Not more than 1-2 months) Just tell him that you will only wait for a while..after that, its bye bye birdie.
Did you offer to help him get his act together? Support can be the most encouraging thing...perhaps he just needs a push. If you love him, it might be worth it...
If you know him well, and you think that he isnt a creep, then maybe waiting for him is ok, If he has creepish tendancies, then tell him T.S.

Answer 9

He sounds like he's still in the "me" stage. It's up to you, but my experience has been that these dudes are hard to tame. I would give him his break. If he really wants to be with you, he'll be back in your bed in a couple of days. If he isn't, the truth is he probably either isn't ready or does not want the same things you're looking for. Good luck.

Answer 10

If you two are that serious, why dont you two move in together??? That way he could save money and relax at home and catch up on his bills and both of you will be there for housework. See what he says then.