My younger sister got pregnant with her first child while in high school and my mother had emphysema at the time. About a year and a half later, she had a second child and for both I kind of took over mommy duties. My sister works a full time job and because of her hours, she crashes when she gets home. I'm the one with the kids (oldest is 7 and youngest is 5) and have been since day one. I love them as my own and take care of them as such. But, I'm worried that because my sister is not the one they come running to, it might negatively impact them in the future. Am I doing the right thing by being a stand-in mom?
2007-01-19 06:22:19 · 14 answers · asked by jenbob 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Its hard. I was in high school when I had my first born and that was my life then. Even up till more recently. I was existed but i felt horrible.
It really depends on the person but I would just mention something to her. Try to talk and just let her know your thoughts. You see the truth always hurts to hear at first but it takes a bigger person to act on what they have learned. Make a constructive conversation so that she understands. Just let her know so you don't worry about it.
Just some advised it may help you if anything.
I wouldn't consider you the sand in mom. But a helping hand. I am sure she is lucky to have you.
2007-01-19 06:35:08 · answer #1 · answered by afj60 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are the one that they 'come running to' it's because you are doing a good job and you are the one they can depend upon. If their mother is doing 'as well as she can' then just keep being a great aunt to your sister's kids and they'll grow up just fine ... and if she's NOT doing as well as she can, then they'll STILL grow up just fine, because you'll be their 'role model' and not their mother. BUT ... HOW ARE YOU DOING? Do NOT forget that you are a 'person' too, and you deserve to have a 'life of your own' besides just taking care of your sister's kids.
2007-01-19 07:09:28 · answer #2 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your sister seem very grown up. It's great that she realizes that she needs to work hard for her kids and it's great that you are so willing and able to help her out. As long as the kids know who their mommy is and understand that mommy works so hard for them, then it shouldn't be a problem in the long run. They should grow up with respect for her for working so hard for them and respect for you for helping take care of them. The situation could be much much worse and you both sound like wonderful people!
2007-01-19 06:32:29 · answer #3 · answered by jennw33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at it this way..
the kids have an authority figure that loves them and cares for them even if their mother is working and can't be with them all the time.
As a parent myself, I would be glad that someone reliable is taking care of my children and loved them as if they were their own.
You're not harming the children. Every kid needs and deserves someone that loves them and takes care of them.
2007-01-19 06:51:27 · answer #4 · answered by sassydontpm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the children are leaning more on you. Your not in the wrong by being there for them. However you need to stand up to your sister and tell her she has 2 kids that need her. It has been long enough she needs to take care of her responsibilities. These children need there mother.
2007-01-19 06:26:51 · answer #5 · answered by WillsBroncoGal 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I kinda know what you mean. The kids I'm a mom to have a mom who lives here but is disabled so she's kinda bedridden and not really in their lives. I like it but I'm not sure what it's going to be like to the kids later in life. But I'd rather be here for them then have them raise themselves or end up in foster care cause she can't care for them. Good luck
2007-01-19 07:26:04 · answer #6 · answered by Melba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just switch the roles around let her be the primary care giver and you be there to lend a hand,I know you love them but your sister needs to take responsibility for her actions!
2007-01-19 06:26:48 · answer #7 · answered by molliehollie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your doing the right thing. If your sister won't do it, who better than a family member. She'll come around if you talk to her.
Good Luck and God Bless!! ;)
2007-01-19 06:29:51 · answer #8 · answered by Big Sis 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, your sister shouldn't have had them if she can't take care of them.
It's best that they have someone they can depend on and go than nobody..
Keep up the good work!
2007-01-19 06:35:52 · answer #9 · answered by Newmomofone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes.Of coarse you are. how about when your sister has a day off tell her to take her kids to the park or some place they like.
2007-01-20 15:45:12 · answer #10 · answered by Em 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋