She is an only child at her mother's house and is not at ours. I have tried everything, but nothing works. My husband thinks I'm too hard on her because she is in a divorce so she should get to do and say what she wants when she comes. I don't let my children do it then she shouldn't be able to do it.
2007-01-19 06:07:36 · 16 answers · asked by Mandy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I agree with you...hold your ground or she will be walking all over you!!
2007-01-19 06:12:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sweetie, you are right. She should have to do whatever you say. Her not liking you has nothing to do with her respecting you those are two different things. Since you already has a mother, try being her friend first. As the step mother, she's always going to wish that her parents are going to get back together. The man you married is responsible for his daughter, he and his previous wife should have taught her respect for her elders a long time ago. STEPMOTHER or NOT. That's just ridiculous. You tell your husband that it's your house too, and if she wants to come to your house she has to respect you. If she doesn't than the whole time she's there than he better take care of her. If he's going to leave her around you, she needs to learn some respect. It's ridiculous. Remember she's the child and you're the adult. Treat her with respect also, but let her know that it is not a childs place to tell an adult anything. She's not paying for anything therefore, she needs to keep that mouth of hers shut. She's just trying to run you away. She wants you to feel the way you're feeling. You're not going anywhere, but her bad attitude better. Divorce is the hardest on children. If you don't nip it in the bud now, then you're going to have a 17 year old girl trying to fist fight you, disrespect is something that grows and gets worse, it never gets better. Handle it now, maybe you and your husband should talk with her. If he's not willing to have his daughter respect you. Whenever she comes over be as nice as you possibly can and politely ignore whatever comes out of her mouth. Don't say anything to her, don't do anything for her. She has such a big mouth, let her do it herself. Good luck sweetie!
2007-01-19 06:23:22 · answer #2 · answered by April 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, I can appreciate your feelings, they are what they are, but, you have to try to give yourself pep talks, because the stress will come out, she will pick up on it. Yes, she should follow the same rules as your children, but please be very careful that you aren't being too hard on her, you sound a bit resentful of her, and you have to make sure that doesn't affect how you act towards her. Also, if she really is having such a hard time w/the divorce, then you should give her extra attention when she is visiting. That may actually solve the problem all together, that she feels she has a place in your home and your heart and knows that she is truely welcome.
2007-01-19 06:18:23 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree w/ you 100% and until your husband learns to do the same things will only get worse! Your children are also not w/ their birth father (whether by divorce or choice) so his "little angel" should get no special treatment. The two of you may want to seek therapy or even pick up a few books on blending your families if you plan on ever making this marriage work.
2007-01-19 06:29:02 · answer #4 · answered by mvngs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been through the exact same thing. trust me here and do not let her get away with anything your children can't do. my stepdaughter would come to our house and tear up things that belonged to my kids, cause fights between my husband and me, hit my kids. we had a bedroom for her and it was clean when she came, but let me tell you it was a pig sty when she left. if she had to do a chore, she climbed on her dads lap and cried.
she expected my husband to take just her and spend the whole weekend with just her(going to the movies, the zoo, eating out, going swimming etc...) i would overhear her talking to her dad about how mommy said this and mommy said that and how she wished he would just get back with mommy.
when she would talk to my sister-in-laws she would tell them how mean to her i was and how she didn't want to stay with me while her dad was at work. whenever we had the extra money to do things we always did it on a weekend when she was there, never just for my kids.
it was a nightmare. if you want your marriage to work get into some kind of family counseling now.
anyway if you have any specific questions e-mail me. i think I've probably seen it all.
good luck (I have a feeling you are going to need it.)
2007-01-19 12:28:29 · answer #5 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the same way my daughter and my husband's daughter come on the same weekend and we have a daughter together.The two stepsisters play together ok but they fight alot to.My husband's daughter tries to be disrepectful and argue but i told my husband in the beginning she don't get special treatment just cuz you are divorced.I don't give my daughter special treatment u will ultimatly create a monster if you parent out of guilt and if I were you no matter what your husband says you set the rules its your house not hers.I feel the same way I hate the weekends she is here its miserable.
2007-01-19 06:36:43 · answer #6 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you 1000% being a step parent is not easy. You are in the same spot that i am. My step son is spoiled and he is with us and I love when he goes to his dad's for the weekend. If the father is saying you are to hard then he is not being fair to you. To save your relationship it is sad to say you may have to back off. Let him deal with it. I always thought that when a couple gets married that all was equal the money, home, bills but i have learn that children to the biological parent is not apart of that.
2007-01-19 06:15:30 · answer #7 · answered by Reggie M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right, she should have to abide by the rules of your household. She doesn't have to like you but she should respect you. You should sit your husband down and explain to him that you do not allow your children to disrespect him and he shouldn't allow his daughter to disrespect you. Your husband may want to look into therapy for his daughter to help her deal with the divorce. However I'd like to ask one question. Were you the other woman or did you come along after wards?
2007-01-19 06:14:21 · answer #8 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children who are forced to go along with their parent's mistakes, failures and remarriages often feel that their lives are ruined, rather than just the weekend ruined. The only person who can discipline her is her father. If he won't I guess the weekends won't be very pleasant.
if you have tried everything, one might say that you've not been consistent. Pick someone and stick with it.
2007-01-19 06:12:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a grand daughter that was in the same situation as your stepdaughter.. My son and his second treated the my granddaughter just the same way they treated her son and the two grandsons they gave me in their marriage. The girl played both sides to the middle , until mama and dady got to talking ,once mama agreed . Now mama is remarried and she had a baby boy.my granddaughter is stilo the only girl and she is treated like the boys.one week she is daddy's girl and the next week she is mama girl
2007-01-19 07:06:57 · answer #10 · answered by mamayer6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a step child my step mom or dad didn't take ****, If their kids couldn't do it neither could i. That how it suppose to be she not a damn princess well maybe his but he have to under stand that its out of control and its causing u problems if hes married to u that means he over it so it shouldn't be any excuses for how she acts and most likely shes doing it cause she know it bugs the hell out of u and she know that DADDY isn't gonna say any thing
2007-01-19 06:14:54 · answer #11 · answered by kgriffin112986 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋