My 15 & 18 yr old daughters get mad at me and won't talk to me for weeks on end; they belittle me to their friends; have made remarks like "I don't need you in my life" and "guilt trip queen" when I try to communicate how I feel. They went to live with their father and don't visit me and stand me up on holidays. They hate their stepfather (we're separated) and blame me for ruining their lives because I can't make wise choices. They have always been my life, what I lived for, now they don't want to be in my life. What do I do? I want to fade away - they are all I have left......
2007-01-19 05:53:34 · 14 answers · asked by Broken Mom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
just wait, this won't last forever. they go through this.
i was in a similar situation. i thought when i left the
'evil' stepdad they would come running back but they
didn't but in time they have been more forgiving of
me picking him to ruin their lives. most important is to
forgive yourself. it is a process won't happen right away.
so you can go on and have a happy life that does not depend on them. it is not good to have your kids be your whole life.
get your own life and just have relationships with your kids
when they are ready.
2007-01-19 05:58:53 · answer #1 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They don't...
Your 18 year old should come around soon though and realize what's going on.
You also have to reflect and ask your self the same question. Do you realize how words/actions can deeply hurt them?
If your children didn't like their stepfather why did you marry him in the first place? If your children were always your life you would have taken that into consideration when he asked you to marry him. I understand that you need to be happy as well but when you decided to have children you chose to let go of some of your dependencies so that others can depend on you.
It's a two way street and all I can say is communicate...make sure they know you love them by telling them AND showing them.
Take care of yourself.
Marc
2007-01-19 06:02:19 · answer #2 · answered by B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hang on Mom, they'll wise up. Just keep the lines of communicating open and let them know you love them. You could suggest a family counselor, although they may not want to go. As they get older, I'm sure they will find they need their Mom, no matter what troubles you've all had in the past. They were going to be moving out on their own shortly anyway, so try enjoying the time you have to yourself now. Work on you and getting your life straight and in time things WILL get better. Best wishes!
2007-01-19 06:07:36 · answer #3 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is going to sound mean, because my mother is the same way. You need to let them go. They have chosen to live wiht their father because they are being dumb teens. The 18 year old is now a grown up, and well you did what you had to to get here there. As for your 15 year old, she is her fathers problem now.
They will figure it out when they mature how poorly they treated their mother, and in turn apologize for it. But till then, you do not do anything special for them. if they call up and say "mommmy, I need some money" you tell them "Well sweetheart, I need a daughter who respects her mommy. you didn't do that, so I am sorry, no you can't have any money. you are old enough to get a job" Or responces like that. If they can't respect you, then you are only obligated to provide basic services for them, ie food, clothing and shelter.
I know it hurst you, but you are just going to have to move and live life for your husband now. By letting your ungratful daughters hurt you, you have probably ignored your husband way more than you should. Seek comfort in him and things will begin to brighten up.
2007-01-19 06:00:31 · answer #4 · answered by Pandora 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When teens are developing, the part of their brains which responds to other people's body language goes a bit haywire. This means that often they think you are trying to hurt them when you are not, because they misunderstand the signals you send out. Teens are also battling with hormone mood swings and insecurity (even if they deny this). All you can do is be the best parent you can, and not take their words too much to heart, because in a few years they will regret it. All you can do is keep going, and be there for them if they need it. Remember, its not completely their fault and they still love you.
2007-01-19 06:10:03 · answer #5 · answered by without.question 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was the same way when I was a teen. After a few years of not talking to my mom I realized how much I did need her. Don't worry they too will some day realize that they need you and will come back to you. You just have to let them be until they do. And when they do the past wont matter and you will be the best of friends. Or at least that is what happened to me and my mom.
2007-01-19 06:06:45 · answer #6 · answered by Valerie W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your daughters in a stern voice that they are not to say anything bad about you to your face or behind your back. You are their mother and the only one they will ever have. Would like they it if you talked trash about them to other people, like their teachers and friends? No they wouldn't like that.
Call them daily, because you are the adult. And if they refuse to talk to you it is their fault. But at least they know you care because you call them. Tell them if they stand you up again you will not make plans with them, you will only talk to them on the phone.
Dont be hard on yourself. They are still young and they dont understand how they are hurting you. Years from now they will hopefully grow up and mature and try to reconnect in a more positive way with you. For now just let them know that you are their mother and you do not deserve to be talked back to, or treated badly by them. Call them everyday and just ask how their day was, etc.
2007-01-19 06:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could start by picking up what little is left of yourself and start moving towards a better life.
I have not had any relationship with my mother for years. I check with my sister to see how she is but that is it. She is an excuse making loser.Everything is because of something or someone else. How I pray for the day when she is worth calling mom. It is a shame that my children do not know their grandmother, but I can not allow them to be influenced by someone like her.
Try to be someone your grandmother or granddaughter would be proud of everyday of your life. If you work your life with that thought in mind one day soon you will be whole and worthy again.
2007-01-19 08:18:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teen girls think that they know it all and don't need any ones help with anything I was the same way I said all kinds of stuff that I did not mean. They are just trying to find themselves don't worry one day they will chill out and realize you were just trying to help them and find out that you were right about so many things and wonder why they did not listen to there mom. I know I did
2007-01-19 06:00:00 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that parents don't know how much their words hurt. maybe you are to hard on them?? my parents are the same way. they "try" to talk to us but in the proses they 1) insult us, 2) make every thing sound like our fault, 3) try to paint themselves white. 4) get mad if we dont see every thing THEIR WAY but they cannot see any thing our way, and 5) they treet us like little kids who need no respect. if you (as parents) belittle us (as kids) then there is no way we want you in our lives. think about this, if you are trully honest with your self. how often have you belittled your kids?
2007-01-19 06:03:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋