why does everything start so beautifully between a guy and a girl and then turn into not-so-good?

Question

the essence and flavour seems to go away and guys too start acting their true selves.why cant things remain the way they started--''beautiful''

Answer 1

In love with being in love? of course everything is new and exciting to begin with... you're laying everything at his feet when a relationship involves both of you. I strong, long lasting romance takes a huge amount of effort from both of you. We are all just human... sounds to me like you are "faultless" in your relationships... anyone can be someone else for 3-4 months... then they become themselves... of course there are folks who live for the honeymoon phase of the relationship and move on... and then there are those who are truly looking for their "intended" and love... not only the perfect person they fell in love with... but they love that person who.. pops their zits in the mirror... who cleans the lint form their belly button... picks their teeth with a fork... who leaves a bacon strip in their underwear and expects you to do the laundry. the toughest part of a relationship is not taking the other for granted... to remember to keep the romance in spite of being human... there are two sides... when you can't see the other side ask for enlightenment from them. keep interested and don't take each other for granted... this is not just the guys "fault" it's a Gals fault too.

Answer 2

Here's a tip: most men start a new relationship with lies. The purpose for this is to get as close to a girl as possible, in the least amount of time. Some guys even try the "love at first sight" trick. And, unfortunately, some girls buy that crap and end up in the sack overnight.

The longer it takes a guy to get close, the more he reveals himself as a liar. In fact, if women were a bit more patient, they would uncover the truth about these guys long before they (the women) get tricked into bed.

The problem is that men lie to such a large degree that it is almost impossible for them to keep up with the lies. Hence, if a woman simply takes her time and does more listening than talking, she'll uncover the truth long before she's made a fool of. Her virtue will still be intact and she can move on to the next "liar". Either that, or the man will have fallen in love with her and become a liar no more.

Isn't it interesting that a man will lie to a woman until he falls in love with her? Then, he tells so much of the truth that the woman sometimes wishes he would lie to her again. Interesting.

Answer 3

I think it's mostly because when you want to 'have' the person, you would want to show them your best features and hide away your worst. And so will the other person. So it'll be two very groomed, nice, bad-habit-less people together, making it seem like a blissful time of having found the perfect partner.
Perhaps the transition back to the old/true self begin when they start feeling comfortable with each other, and would do things that they would 'normally' do, but not in front of their partner. For instance, no making complete 100% effort because you have already 'got' them, so if they have them now, they would want a rest from the chase.

Answer 4

The beauty in any relationship comes with the effort taken, in the beginning there is a need to get affection, its a rush, its something new, so there is a 100% effort you put in to make it work like your first day on the job (would you have the same excitement a year on the same job?..something like that) - as you get to know the person better, learn the ins and outs, is when you realize relationships are not all that they are cracked up to be - it takes work, forgiveness, acceptance of the other person (wouldn't recommend staying in one where there is no love or harmful to you in anyway) and appreciating the more significant stuff like kindness, patience, being a good listener, can he help you cook so on and so forth, it goes into a more mature realm. i got the idea in my late 20s - till then it was heart break - ache - long gazes into open skies and all the good stuff ....hang in there !

Answer 5

you don't usually get involved in a relationship unless you have something to gain. eradicating loneliness, sex, money, etc. and once you receive whatever you were looking for, you begin to slide into comfort. and once something becomes routine, you either look for new things to spark, or realize that there isn't anything else. the beginning of a relationship is, in my opinion, more based on fear, or the intensity of a new challenge- than it is on love. either afraid to lose that, or because you have a little more pride in this relationship than you had single. routine comes when the compliments stop, or when the other person realizes you aren't going anywhere. one person in every relationship always needs it more than the other, and neglect comes when whatever the person needed is obtained to the point of not needing it anymore. and no, in every relationship, no one is ever their "true self". they are just comfortable enough to show a little bc they dont need to impress the other anymore. the hunt is over- no more peacock feathers. play hard to get if you want romance.

Answer 6

Dealing with real life wears away at our spirits and causes our priorities to change. Because he loves you, he works hard (either at work or at school) and work becomes more important so he can support you well, now or in the future... and it's all downhill from there. NOT.

You need to work on your relationship to keep your romance alive. How? Try applying this to your situation:

1. . Change the way you look at your husband (in this case, bf, but you get the idea). On the negative side, you might think he is unenthusiastic, however, you could view his lack of enthusiasm as he is a calm and soothing person. If he is stubborn, you could view this as strong-willed. If he is emotional, you could view this as him being sensitive or intuitive. All aspects of a person can be viewed as good or bad, check your mind set and be certain that YOU are not any part of his negative thinking.

2. You must be willing to help your husband feel good about himself. You must be willing to go back to the beginning of your married life and recapture your feelings for him at that time. If you can come up with no memories, jump start your heart by thinking about what you would say to him if he only had one more day to live. Make a list of the reasons you fell in love with him and his positive traits. Give him that list. At the bottom of the list, tell him point by point how you still feel about him.

3. How much time do you and your husband spend talking? Couples who last need to spend AT LEAST 30 minutes every day without any other interruption. No television, no children, no telephones to interrupt their time and communication. If you do not feel comfortable doing this, or it seems like too much time at first, give one another a massage, a back rub, or talk about when you first met. You can share your day, share your hopes, dreams and disappointments.(DO NOT blame, criticize, call one another names, tease or ridicule each other.) Move on to other topics or activities as you feel more at ease, but DO NOT give up this time together. You need it to grow together.

4. Once you have reached a more solid footing with one another (and this could take weeks, so be patient), you can begin to work on how you face your life together. Problems can be solved using communication that tells what you need, not what your partner has failed to do, i.e.: "I need your help...."; "I would really like you to pay more attention to me...."; "I need to hear 'I love you' more often..."

5. Keep in mind that most of communication is LISTENING, not just talking. Listening means using your love, not just your ears, when you communicate. Send the kids out of the room, take the phone off the hook, sit somewhere comfortable so you can relax, turn off the t.v., or shut the door on everyone else. Phrases like, "I really want to know what you think about this..."; "How you feel about this is important to me...."; "I value your opinion..."; and "You are interesting to me..." can open up new levels of communication between you.

6. Many couples cannot solve their problems because they are too busy being "right." If you are married, you are a team. You are both on the same side. One of you has the other's back...at all times. So, there is not a "right" or "wrong" person. There is simply a problem that needs solving.

7. No matter what, if you have gotten into an argument, DO NOT bring up the past. It cannot be changed and it is unfair to hold someone accountable for past mistakes. Stick to the present and each of you contribute suggestions to solve the problem.

8. Laugh together.

9. Hug and kiss often.

Go get 'em, hon. Life can always be made better!! Good luck.

Answer 7

I assume women have a higher feel of personality and might be sometimes they do not want to be looked at as 'easy' all when you consider that they slept with a guy they don't know that well; whereareas guys are just sexy and wanna have sex. Now not fairly certain although. I've at all times wondered about this myself.

Answer 8

I think that this is so because when we start dating these people we tell them all the things that we would like in a mate, and that's exactly what they do. They give us and do all the things that we tell them until they have us hooked, and then they quit doing it. And when things start getting rocky, that's because they are now off doing what they want on the side because they know what to do and say when the time comes.

Answer 9

Guy job is to work hard to get a girl, and in the begining they still work hard to make us happy. In a while they get comfortable and start not care and be them truselves becuase they think we wont go anywhere, however if you them to be always like that u got always make them fight for u, work hard for u, seek ur attention, and the rest. Like don't be the first one who calls in a morning, may be stupid but affective, or if he didn't call u all day go out with ur friends and whn he calls u tell him u r busy hanging out with ur friends, then they ll realize that u r not completely theirs and if they don't treat u as a princess till the end they will loose u. It all about getting comfortable around the person, even though it is important to be comfortable around u bf or gf but always remeber work hard other wise u might loose it.

Answer 10

Routine takes it's toll. Why is your job fun at first but after a few months or a year you hate it? Routine comes in and something has to give. What you need to do is mess things up a little, change standard things and reinvent that beautiful beginning love.