What is love? I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months (wonderful man) and we are currently living together (forced by the fact that doing the long-distance thing was hard for both of us). But I just no longer feel the same for him as I did before. There are times when I want to say that I love him, and there are times when I don't want to see him because I need space. I know most people would say; you just know when you love someone, etc, but what about when your feelings keep changing? And does the fact that I no longer (ever) have the feelings experienced at infatuation mean that I will never feel that for him again? What I feel now is calmer and safer, albeit very hard to describe.
Two things I know for sure: it hurts to think of a life without him, and he is the motivation for me to do things I never thought I could.
2007-01-19 05:25:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Love is the most selfish thing we humans engage in!
By that I mean...... We are all genetically programmed to love who we feel are the healthiest, best looking, provider (in the case of a woman) You are even more fussy when it comes to the person you choose to father your children.
You fall in love more than once as you develop but it will very evident to yourself when finally you do fall (head over heels) in love!
I think you have almost answered the question yourself but if I change it slightly and ask............... Could you stand it if you found him in bed with another woman?
If that would really tick you off.......... Then you are in love and your relationship seems to be progressing in the right way
Good Luck!
2007-01-19 05:39:57 · answer #1 · answered by Chew 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you live together then things do change, and you can get rather claustrophobic. Neither of you has changed - remember that. What's happening is that neither of you has the 'free time' that you originally had, which also brought fresh conversation to the table between you. Now you are sharing so much together there is little to find out about each other.
I don't think your feelings have changed ... your last paragraph reinforces that. But you do need to remember that you are two individuals and you're not joined at the hip ... so continue to have your free time out, with your own friends, and pursue your own interests. This will revitalise the spark that you two share and keep the conversation flowing and mean that you continue to enjoy each other's company.
Love is never a 100% ecstatic plateau - that's the stuff of silly romantic novels. You have your good days and bad days but, remember, the vital thing is to be friends, to be best friends. That will see you through everything. It sounds like you two are the best of friends but just need to incorporate a little 'me' time into your schedule.
Good luck. I'm sure this will work out.
2007-01-19 06:26:16 · answer #2 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok this is called "coming down to earth" If people constantly were in the infatuated, high state...almost an addictive pattern, they would never, and I mean never accomplish anything in their lives. Look there are certain activities outside of yours and his living arrangement that would enrich you personally, and that you could share with him. Expecting him to be your end all, be all, and having an exciting, mind blowing experience every time you are together is immature. Ever seen those folks who get together with someone for say 9 months, break up, get back together again, break up, get together again??? You know why? Because they are addicted to the excitement of the initial pairing...but it is not normal, nor healthy. Addictive feelings are not real. It seems to me that you have a healthy relationship with him actually. But for the relationship to grow you should and you must get involved in activities alone, outside of the partnership.
2007-01-19 05:43:03 · answer #3 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to figure out what it is that you are not getting from the relationship that you need. If you can figure that out, and then communicate that to him, then you can see if he can change his ways or fill that void.
I must also say though from the previous answer, nine months is not that long, and almost every new relationship is fun and exciting during the initial butterfly stages. After that it requires effort or some degree of work or input.
You get what you put into a relationship, and it sounds like you just been coasting on the butterflies till now.
2007-01-19 05:35:21 · answer #4 · answered by Kaboom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take yourself out of the situation for a while. Sit down with just yourself and figure out how you really feel - be honest as there's no point leading anybody on. If the spark is gone with your bf, have the respect to leave him before you move on. However, if you realise that the other man isn't much more than a fantasy to fill a lonely time in your life forget him, and work on things with your bf - make sure you tell him honestly and calmly how you've been feeling. Whatever you do, don't drag it out - it's not fair on anybody involved, including you!
2016-03-29 04:53:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two things you know for sure dont necisarily mean you love him. If you have only been together nine months you probably were infatuated and now that the lust has worn off your lfet with nothing. Maybe you just want him because he is better than being alone. Tell him how you feel as much as it will hurt.
2007-01-19 05:29:54 · answer #6 · answered by brandeeteer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you meet somebody for the first time your brain releases all kinds of chemicals, these are what we have termed lust, infatuation, the first flush of love etc and make you want to be with that person.. but they cannot go on being produced forever. Eventually they will go but hopefully by that time you will have developed a friendship and bond and a deep-set love that will make you want to stay together. It seems that is the case with you and your boyfriend. Best Wishes for your future together.
2007-01-19 05:33:28 · answer #7 · answered by doodlenatty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me it makes most sense to think of love as a BOND. How much does both of you, body, mind, soul, spirit, come together. I think there will be many bond that one person can have with another. and it can also to start to break away, but the true lover for you is the one thing you need in order to be the absolute perfect you. The true lover is the one design especially for you. The ending effect is happiness. How much do he fulfilll what you lack? and how much do you fulfil what he lacks. Your true love is what makes you perfect.
Maybe it would help if you look at chemical bonds. It goes through many stage to complete itself and become one. See how it relates to your guys bond.
2007-01-19 06:41:15 · answer #8 · answered by Go girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you have described, this does sound like love......If you leave him in search of the infatuation you had when you first got together, then you will leave everyone you are ever with in pursuit of that feeling.
Better to wait it out, if you aren't quite sure you want to be with him, then wait until you know for sure you DON'T want to be with him. Too many relationships are ruined because people left before they were sure, then changed their minds, but the damage was already done..............
2007-01-19 05:44:46 · answer #9 · answered by CHARISMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From this i would say that you DO love him. Its impossible to live at the dizzy heights we are all at when we first fall in love. There's a book i got out the library once called something like How Do You Know If It Is Love? I will try and find out the name and get back to you.
2007-01-19 05:29:39 · answer #10 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋