I'm 21 and out of jail 3 weeks. My ex g/f who is 20 and at home had our baby while I was in jail and I couldn't get special release to see the baby. She would not bring the baby on a visit so I didn't get to see him until I got out. She doesn't want me to support her or to have anything to do with the baby until I've finished my probation (another year at least) and I know if I try to do anything about that I could get into bother again. Is there anything I can do to make her more reasonable? It's still my kid after all.
2007-01-19 05:15:11 · 18 answers · asked by Jamie 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I know I have legal rights but I can't afford to get a lawyer for this - still trying to get a job and I know she would be able to bring up stuff that would make me look bad.
2007-01-19 05:27:30 · update #1
your going to have to get a lawyer and fight her in court.
2007-01-19 05:22:52 · answer #1 · answered by proud_mom 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The only thing you need to have visitation is a safe environment for your child. I can understand your ex's feelings. One of the most important things for a child is consistancy, and your ex is probably afraid that you'll end up back in jail. Try not to get angry (easier said then done I know). Explain to her that it is important, no imperative, for you to spend time with the baby so you can form a bond with him/her. The more time that passes, the harder this will be. Also try inviting her to stay during your visits at first. She may not trust that you know how to care for the baby properly. If reasoning doesn't work, don't get frustrated. Continue doing the next right thing. Get a job and start paying child support. Have your ex sign a receipt so you have documentation for the future should you need it. Call First Call For Help (the number is 211 from any phone) and get the number for your local legal aid, maybe they can offer you free or discounted services. Hang in there. Your child needs you.
2007-01-23 09:42:50 · answer #2 · answered by adondeesta1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a mother i must admit i would be a little reserved, however you dont have to go to a lawyer to see your child. CAB will help you for free or perhaps talk to socail services about supervised visits, you could then see your child perhaps once a week/two weeks for a couple of hours but suporvised until such time that your ex feels you have shown enough comitment.
Your strong desire to see your child is a really great thing and admirable, but you need to remember your ex will have a bond with the child and an overwhelming desire to protect the child as best she can and she may take some time and proof to believe that you are serious about seeing your baby.
Good Luck ! I hope it works our for you.
2007-01-22 06:57:37 · answer #3 · answered by wenchyh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is being reasonable. If you really want to do what's best for your child, then stick to your probation, get a job, take a parenting class and prove yourself. If you do all this, then she has no right to keep you from seeing your child. As for her not wanting child support- I think you should get a job and pay her anyways. This child is your responsibility whether you raise him or not. Give her at least something every month. Plan it so you give it to her on each payday, before you spend it on something else. Don't promise it to her, that way if you screw up you're not going back on your word. Just mail it to her. This would show commitment and responsibility and I would think it would make you feel better than not supporting your child at all. It takes awhile to prove your self, but you can do it if you really commit yourself and put that baby first. Good luck!
2007-01-19 13:28:38 · answer #4 · answered by Swim Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a mother...... so my concern is not only you being in jail but what were you in jail for?? I'm well aware that people make mistakes..... however, if those mistakes involve physically hurting someone else; I think that MOST DEFINATELY..... when you see your son, it should be SUPERVISED!! I also think that you should seek out professional HELP for whatever has caused you to be in jail.
As well as begin to show your ex-girlfriend that you are taking responsibility for yourself & your actions!! Also, by putting the child support in an account with your son's name on it until she is willing to accept it OR your son is old enough to use it for his college tuition or other future needs. Also, you can help by buying diapers, clothing, food, and/or child care costs!!!
If you REALLY want to support your son...... YOU will find a way to do it!! And if you have been abusive to your ex-girlfriend: you don't deserve ANY RIGHTS!!
2007-01-22 21:46:37 · answer #5 · answered by ilovepoison2820 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A) she has no right to stop you seeing your child, my brother in law is a criminal, he used to beat my sister black and blue, he still is the most notorious drug dealer in our area, he has been done for kidnap, assult, ABH, GBH and afray, aswell as robbery burglery and theft and even he is allowed access to my niece, he would not harm a hair on her head.
B) you should (if in the uk) be entitled to legal aid, A free solicitor to help you get access.
and to all you small minded people who think that just because someone has been in jail makes them a bad person.... Well how shallow are you.
Not everyone has been born with a silver spoon in their mouths, some people struggle to grow up at all let alone perfectly, and some people have to fight for everything they have.
Just because someone has been in prison does not make them a bad person.
If you dont get access to your child then that is very sad but, Kids grow up and he or she will want to find out about you for themselves.
Every child deserves a father, if this woman did not find you a deserving father she should not have had unprotected sex with you.
goodluck
2007-01-19 15:10:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought of going the legal aide route, tell them everything youthink your ex will use against you, go for councilling to show her that you are serious! It dosnt matter that you are still looking for a job, that shows that you care. she has no right to keep your child from you especially if you put an honest effort into it. this is a womans view. I went to my husband for help cause he has been in jail and has heard many cases like this. try & you will succeed. Good luck.
2007-01-19 15:12:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geez! Kids having kids!! What a great start in life your child has. If you cannot afford a lawyer go to your local Friend of the Court office and file for visitation rights, it is free.
2007-01-19 15:00:39 · answer #8 · answered by Angela C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let her cool off and finish probation. after she sees your on the strait and narrow, and you have been sending child support, then you get to see the kid. if after that she says stay away, you will have to get a lawyer. never quit paying child support, that gives her leverage, and you could wind up in jail again.
2007-01-19 13:22:01 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
at the end of the day its your baby to she cant stop you seeing it, for a start the baby needs its dad, instead of flying off the handle go see citizens advise or some where like that which will be able to give u advise ont he matter if u play by the rules there shouldnt be a problem but she has no right to deny u seeing the baby, unless of course u were abusive nd on drugs or whatever then i can understand her point
2007-01-19 13:21:19 · answer #10 · answered by liz 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would get your Probation officer to see if he/she could act as a go between between you and your ex and maybe start off by seeing if she would let you have supervised visits until your parole finishes.
Shes not doing it to be awkward shes just doing what any other loving mother would do..protecting her child.
Being a father is not a right its a privelidge.(bad spelling sorry!)
2007-01-20 13:12:14 · answer #11 · answered by lilyp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋