My fiance' and I have agreed to only have immediate family members at our wedding ceremony (parents, siblings, grandparents) and throw a big reception with extended family and friends a few hours later. My fiance' is very shy and doesn't want a huge crowd staring at him and I only want the people who made a direct impact on our lives to attend. I cannot believe my future MIL keeps telling me about my fiance's uncle and aunt coming to the ceremony after I've told her all who were invited. He's not even close to them!
It isn't fair because the ceremony won't have a balanced attendance from both sides. I do have aunts and uncles but I am also close to my cousins and if I invite my cousins, my future MIL will invite cousins and that will be too big and make my fiance' very uncomfortable and for me, it will just start mess between me and other family members.
What should I do??!! Stick to the original plan or let my future MIL invite the aunt and uncle?
2007-01-19 04:43:26 · 31 answers · asked by Valentine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To answer someone:
The wedding is being paid by everyone. It's split into three (i created a list of things): bride & groom, bride & parents, groom & parents (they have a very short list)
2007-01-19 04:55:48 · update #1
@ juicie813
WE DO NOT NEED OR EXPECT GIFTS. We have been living together for almost 2 years now, we have everything we need. So why would we need gifts hmmm??
2007-01-19 05:59:24 · update #2
Also, the wedding is paid by me and my family and the groom... the RECEPTION food (only) is being paid by the groom's parents. Just to clarify (which is why their list is so short as I mentioned before)
2007-01-19 06:14:01 · update #3
To avoid any conflict, I think it's best that your fiance handle the situation with his mother. If you comment about it you will only usher in feelings of ill will and make the "horrible MIL" stereotype come true. Your fiance needs to stand up to his mother and tell her what you both want for your wedding, and that certain people are not invited, period. If he can't do that now, well, he won't be able to do it ever.
2007-01-19 07:09:21 · answer #1 · answered by Morgan H 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your future MIL that it's only immediate family members at the ceremony and the aunt and uncle can be included in the reception along with everyone else. Tell her you both want an intimate ceremony to share with the people that are closest to you. Don't let her make decisions for you. You will regret it if you don't do what YOU want.
2007-01-19 05:02:11 · answer #2 · answered by Renee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, considering the fact that they are contributing to the wedding then I believe that they should have a say so in whom to invite. The wedding it self doesn't cost much, it is the reception that takes up most of the money. I really don't think that it is fair that you would not want them at the ceremony but will invite them to the reception and expect them to bring a gift. However if your fiance really doesn't want them there then he should be the one to tell his parents that they aren't invited. In my book any family member that you are close to constitutes immediate family. My wedding would not have been the same without my aunt, uncles and cousins. We are a very tight family and I wanted them there to share my day with me as they have done for every other event in my life. Stop being selfish and allow aunts, uncles and cousins.
2007-01-19 05:54:26 · answer #3 · answered by juicie813 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Where do the Aunt and Uncle live? Are they travelling from out of town? Will they be staying at the MIL's house? Are they invited to the reception? I know when I got married there were people in the church that I hadn't invited...but that were so happy for me they wanted to come to the ceremony and not the reception. It seems to me that it is the reception that costs money...not so much the ceremony itself. So that cuts out any financial reasons for not having the Aunt and Uncle there. As for having a balanced attendance...who cares...the ceremony only takes about 20 min afterall. I know this isn't what you want to hear...but remember that you will be married to this man for a long time...do you really want to start off by upsetting his mother. What does he think of all this...are these people who played a significant part in his life? I would say it's up to your future husband to talk to his Mom and find out why it is so important to have these people there. Personally I would think it was rude to be only invited to the reception and not the ceremony...it's the ceremony that is the important part...when you cut that part of the invitation out it seems like you only half heartedly want anyone there at all. I would say go to the registry office...just you and your future husband...then have the reception for everyone...that way there is no playing favorites.
Good luck...
2007-01-19 05:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by cookie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you and your fiance only want immediate family at your wedding, that's how it should be. Your future MIL should be ashamed of herself for being so disrespectful in your decision. What you and your fiance should do is sit your future MIL down and explain your definition of "immediate family". Tell her you (and her son) would be more comfortable with a small ceremony with just parents, siblings, and grandparents. Let her know you appreciate wanting to share such a special day with other relatives (even if you really don't appreciate it, it's a good way to smooth out the rough edges), but the way the two of you planned it is the way you both want it be. Besides, it is your wedding! If you want purple ribbons and bows and bright green and orange table cloths, then you should get it! ;-) Good luck in your decision!
2007-01-19 05:41:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Whoever is paying for the wedding should have the final say-so. It's a given that paying for the wedding gives you a majority vote in what is included.
If you are paying, then tell the MIL that this event is for you and your fiance, not her family. If they are paying, then they are paying for the priviledge of inviting the aunt and uncle. It's not like it's just friends of the family......it IS family.
Your lives together will be too long to squabble with the inlaws at this stage. Bigger battles will most likely come up. I'd cut some slack in this case. Good ammo for the next altercation that you gave in on this one.
2007-01-19 04:56:08 · answer #6 · answered by momwithabat 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Valentine it may be wise for you and your fiance to sit down with your future Mother-In-Law and tell her once again that the aunt and uncle can come to the party after but are not being invited to the wedding. Inform her that it is your big day and as such you and he will be in charge of who attends. Besides, in my opinion anyway, if you allow her to start dictating to you prior to your marriage imagine how she may try and interfere afterwards. Hopefully your future mother-in-law will respect you more for showing her that you have a backbone and can stand up for your believes and rights. But it is very important also that your fiance backs you up 100% and doesn't fold to his mother's wishes. Best of luck and have a great marriage as well as a happy and healthy married life.
2007-01-19 04:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to have fiance stand up and talk to her about it, this is his family after all. The not balanced thing is not that big of a deal and will not be the end of the world if MIL wins, but Reall, your fiance needs to sit down with his mom and explain that these are the wishes of him too....and she needs to be a grown up and respect those, but he needs to be a grown up and stand up for what he wants, shy or not. long story short, let him and his mom work it out, and you just go along with whatever is decided b/c whats really important is that the 2 of you get married, whose their and whose not will not matter in 10 years anyway! good luck!
2007-01-19 05:36:00 · answer #8 · answered by ASH 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stick to what you and your fiance' want. Invite aunts and uncles to the reception, but it is your wedding, do it your way. Explain this to the MIL
2007-01-19 04:46:41 · answer #9 · answered by MsCantBeWrong 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
STAND YOUR GROUND NOW!! If the original plan was for immediate family only, tell her that the aunt and uncle were not invited to the ceremony, but are more than welcome to the reception... you have to stand your ground with your future MIL now, or she will walk all over you.
2007-01-19 04:48:11 · answer #10 · answered by emtb9 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋