My eight year old son is upset with me because we just found out that we're having a girl...?

Question

I'm almost 6 months pregnant, and had that ultrasound that every woman dreads and looks forward to. I found out that we're having a girl! I confess, that IS what I wanted, by my eight-year old son does NOT feel the same way.

I explained to him that we, as humans, don't make these choices. I told him that God makes these choices (it's the only explanation I think he'll understand at his age). He's furious at me, at my husband, and at God.

Has anyone been through this before? Is this something that he'll eventually chill out about, or is this going to be a struggle until he's old enough to move out of the house?

Help!

Answer 1

I was nine when my little sister was born. I was mad as hell because i wanted a little brother so bad. Three years ago at the age of 47, she passed away from cancer. I would do anything to get her back. Don't worry he'll grow love her and protect her.

Answer 2

Sorry, but 8 years old is to old to be crying over that. You need to have your husband have a sit down with him and let him know its time to be a young man and that he has a sister to protect. 8 yrs old is old enough to tell your kids to stop being toddler and grow up! He obviously needs to know that he doesn't run this place and that God can do whatever he wants. You need to take him to the shelter or the mission or a third world country for some community service and so he can see how easy he has it. I suggest that all families have a subscription to national Geographic. Even if he is not gonna read the articles right now he will flip through photos and ask questions. This would also be a good time to explain to him that he has no money and no job.

Answer 3

Well, I have 3 boys, so when I found out I was pregnant again, we were so excited and all hoping for a girl. My oldest son, really wanted a sister, but didnt mind either way, but my 7 year actually asked me, "If its a boy, are we going to go drop it off at the orphanage and try for a girl again?"...lol I of course said, no way, we dont do that. But he kept voicing his opinion on how much he wanted a sister and not another brother because he is annoyed by his 3 year old brother. He doesnt realize a girl will probably annoy him just as much. But anyways, We found out that we are having a girl, so I have no idea as to how he would have acted if it was a boy. But Im sure that when the baby is born, your son will accept her and love her no matter when he sees her. He will eventually get used to her and will mature more.

Answer 4

Little boys want baby brothers. Little girls want baby sisters.

He's disappointed, and he has to be allowed to talk about his anger and disappointment. He's not four years old, though, so he's old enough that he does need to get a grip. He's old enough to know you didn't select the gender of the baby, so I don't think you should fuel any ideas that he's a poor, little, boy, who can't understand why he isn't getting a brother. He's plenty old enough, so I don't think you ought to invite that kind of thing in him. Kids will play things up.

I think you should tell him, "I know you wanted a baby brother, and maybe some time you'll get a brother" (this is a case for a lie if you know this "is it") "but I'm happy to be having a daughter because I already have a son I love so much".

Tell him he's allowed to be disappointed for a while and to talk about it for a while, but he's just going to have to deal with it. Sometimes we have disappointment in life. Tell him he doesn't have to be excited about the new baby because you are, and that's all that matters. I just don't think you ought to fan any flames by keeping talking about it and "encouraging" him to play up how unhappy he is.

Chances are - if he's a normal, well adjusted, kid - he'll get over it pretty quickly. Don't forget that he's still young enough to be affected with the "mood" you set. In other words, you have to be his role model when it comes "establishing" how disappointing this is for him. If you take a "you'll get over your disappointment in a few days" approach that will help. You can matter-of-factly "establish" that nobody expects him to be excited about a baby sister and most people who didn't get the baby brother they wanted got over the disappointment in a few days.

Answer 5

I have gone through this before when my younger brother was about to be born. In my country, an ultrasound to determine the sex of the foetus is leagal offense. My folks had told me that it could be a "sister" or a "brother". I started to imagine all sorts of things if it were a sister. I cannot enlist her help in fights, I cannot share all the "boy secrets" and " boy stufss" with my "sister" etc etc. This can be classified with a case of child psychology. As an eight year old boy, he (your son) thinks, at the back of his mind that he is more comfortable with the boys than the girls. He can run around, jump around and do all the boy stuff with a brother but he thinks that this may not be possible with a a sister as she is a girl. He is imagining the "sister" as a "girl" or rather the definition of the "GIRL" that he himself has formulated. This feeling will wither away in due course or you may get professional help.
On a personal note, the mother in law of a friend of mine got furious with her as she had given birth to a girl, the old lady thought, this was all her(my friend's) fault.

Answer 6

I went through the same thing with my 8 year old daughter...she did not even like me pregnant..then when she found out i was having a boy...she flipped out..she said i am never going to like that baby....i will ignore him...blah, blah, blah....it hurt me in the beginning but i learned to ignore the negativity she would say....when i delivered him...everybody loved him, she did not even want to hold him..i saw her glance at the baby out of the cornor of her eye....when i brought my son home....she still was distant with him for about 2 months...she started to hold him here and there but that's it..I would wait til she said..can i hold the baby..i would not push her cause the first time i did...she said no way....when he turned 9 months and he started to crawl..(he is now 11 months old) she could not help but play with him as he was more sociable, not just laying around...she now loves him beyond words...she is so protective of him... when we are at mcdonalds and little kids come up to him, she will step right in front of them and say that is my brother so yes, he will eventually open up...just do not push him....once that baby starts crawling, he will love your new little girl..he will realize he has a play buddy and even more so as she gets older...I am glad my kids are 8 years apart cause babies are a lot of work and 8 year olds can go and play while i tend to the baby..they understand to a certain extent...you will love the age gap..congrats and i wish you all the best with the up coming delivery.

Answer 7

This is very common. Hopefully once he sees the baby his feelings will change. When the baby comes have him help a bit with her. Of course, don't over do it because he'll resent the baby. You don't want that. Have him read her stories, pick out toys for her things like that. Actually reading stories to baby's really helps them learn. Tell him what a great big brother he's going to be. When the baby comes make sure you still have time with your son. He's bound to feel jealous. It's all normal though. I know I have four kids. lol

Answer 8

I can't really give you any advice if he already knows. A woman I work with is in the same boat. She just found out for sure yesterday she was pregnant, and her son (8 also) is demanding a boy!!!!! I don't think they're going to find out the sex partly because of this. I think you explained it well to him though. Just give him time to relax about it and try to figure out some good things about having a baby sister than he can focus on (if he buys it).

Answer 9

My daughter was around the same age when I was pregnant with my son. When I went to the day care center to pick her up, I told her that the doctor said that I was having a boy. She literally cried!!!!! My daughter is 15 years old now and my son is 6 years old. I also have another daughter who is 4 years old now. Well on occassion she will tell me "Man-man is still my favorite" I guess she got over it!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Well you have to understand where he's coming from. All boys want a little brother to play with and also to push around :-)

I think he'll come around when she's born. He'll love holding and playing with her and making her giggle. Try getting him more involved with the baby before she's born like letting him help pick out clothes, toys, and even help with the name.

Congratulations on the baby :-)