Can a woman ever feel happy wihtout the love of her mother?

Question

my mom became really distant when i turned 12 or so, I grew up without guidance, wihtout much affection & on top of this she was pretty manipulative. My home felt like a cardborad box, it felt cold, and also uncomforable cause I had to deal with mom and my sister.
I left my home feeling empty, Ive tried to talk things with mom to reconcile but she is in denial. Ive had to distance myself cause Ive realized she is not going to change.
Ive been offered some help by a couple of women who want to give me some guidance and afection and wonder if this people could help me get some of the parenting I didnt get.
And I wonder if I will ever feel joyful again cause my mom pretty much broke my heart.

Answer 1

Being in a similar position as yourself, I find that I mourn not having a mother. Since I have children I do not see my mother. She is mentally unhealthy, and I don't need my children witnessing or feeling all her negativity.
I think you can be happy.
The one major thing I have had trouble with is "Ïf my own parents don't care about me, how can I be worth änything?"
I have found that I have had to ''parent '' myself in a lot of ways.
Telling myself that I am loveable and have soemthing to offer.
Until (if ever) your mom is ready to act like the person you need her to be, take care of yourself in a motherly way and/or find yourself a role model who can help give you that unconsitional love that you are missing.
It will still hurt that you cannot rely on your mom, but be strong and live your life for yourself.
Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

First of all, now you are not alone. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and know first hand what it feels like. I could have written that question!

My mother and I have never gotten along and I always felt as if she didn't like me. When I was in my 30s I found out that she and my dad had to get married so maybe she has felt resentment towards me and blamed me for her situation.

I've spent my life trying to make peace with her but this past Christmas we ended up having a huge argument and I decided it was best to cut ties with both her and my dad.

I think you are very lucky for finding women who could are willing to give you guidance and affection. Parenting and love can be given by anyone, not necessarily a parent. The fact that these women are not your "natural" further proves how much they are concerned about your well being and care for you.

You may always have some sadness regarding the situation with your mother, but it is possible to move on and feel so many happy emotions and realize there are many good, kind, loving people out there.

The most recent Glamour magazine has an interesting article on this subject (Jennifer Connelly is on the cover.) It's about a 40-ish woman who broke ties with her mother, placed an ad in a newspaper for "parents" and was actually "adopted" by an older couple and is very happy with the outcome.

Answer 3

Yes. If one doesn't love you, which in your case you believe is your Mother, then seek love from others that show it. It's unfortunate that things have to be this way but it has it's reasons. I haven't talked to Mother since almost 2 years. We were very close and we would do everything together. Of course, we had our rocky times when my Mother's anger and depression would get the best of her but I'd always look past that because she was MY mother. But, things took a greater turn for the worst when I met my husband. I saw a side of her that I never thought exsisted and for once in my life I experienced ALL her destructive, hurtfull, cruel, manipulative and jealous behavior and to make a long story short, we no longer communicate and she says and I quote " You're dead to me". And that's how it's been ever since. She hasn't even met my Son nor does she show any interest in doing so. All in all, I feel it's very sad. But, that's her fault and her loss. And even though at times, I crave the bonding, I realize and accept that it's not possible for me and I concentrate on those who show they care. And that's really the best advise I could give you. Stay strong and surround yourself with people who love and care for you and you'll do just fine. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

Get this I gre up with a mother in and out of the hospital(cancer)and the cancer WON she died at a early age 40yrs.I was 15 and my grandmother helped raise us there were 6 girs all younger than me.Botton line keep your head up and your heart joyous you are in control of your own destiny.No body can replace the space of your mother but take what is offered not many people care these days so accept what is offered to you.That's care love and concern for real.

Answer 5

We all only have one Mother, but there are good substitutes out there. I would take the ladies up on their offer, and love my mother from afar. Hopefully one day she will communicate why she distance herself away from you, because only she know the answers. I would still send her mothers day cards, and remember her birthday all the things that you would do for Mother, just so she is reminded that her daughter loves her very much. Just keep in your heart that she did show you love at some points in your life and I dont believe that she has forgotton.

Answer 6

I was you exactly, except mine started at an earlier age. I am a woman and survived exactly what you are going through.

Yes you can, just like I did. My mom and my sister are still not in my life but I have learned to give myself happiness. I have been doing it for more than 20 years.

If you need help, email me at [e-mail].

Answer 7

You know I can totally relate to you because my mom pretty much has done the same thing to me. It is hard and I never really felt any love from her. Now that i am sick she still won't talk to me and it really hurts. But I am trying to move on and trying to be some what happy. I know that you will be okay because I am okay. Things can't get worse they can only get better. Your going to be fine, trust me.

Answer 8

Lots of people have situations a million times worse than you and they turn out happy and well-adjusted. Those who wallow in self-pity, however, will be miserable forever.

Answer 9

i think so you get love from others