I've supported my bf financially for 1 yr. should I be mad that he is considering a job that won't support us?

Question

Well simply put my bf has been out of work for some time now, and has been applying for jobs steadily. He asked his aunt to fwd his resume, and she came through and pulled in a job for him that'll pay 40k+ to start. Problem is, while the job is in his field, it's not in his ultimate dream location...
Coincidentially, he was offered an internship with a nba team that would require him to move thousands of miles away. A job with this team would be his dream job. he lives, sweats and bleeds basketball. The problem is this is an internship, and only paying enough for him to pay his relocation expenses while down there.

While I do want him to live his dream, a friend of mine called him selfish because he wouldn't want to stay and support us as I've been doing. With him leaving, I would probably end up going back home to my mother's house for a few months to save up some money, so his decision affects everyone.

Just want to get some feedback. who's right in this situation?

yes my job is damn terrific, and besides that i have other obligations, i'm working on another degree.

furthermore, i will NOT move across the country to do nothing. If he had already secured a full time job makes a difference, but this is a 6 month internship. I'll be waiting for him when he gets back.

also, i'm not trying to keep him from his dreams, i want him to go because i know this is what he wants to do, and i'm confident that even if it doesn't manifest into a full time job, it'll be a great resume builder.
I just want to know your opinions of what my friend said, and if you think she's right.

Answer 1

I think you should let him do his dream job, and you can get a job to help support the finances. If they like him at the new job, he can work his way up and get a full time job that will pay more, he will be happy, you will be happy. It may be an inconvience for you, but if you plan a future with him (ie marriage) then you better practice on compromises. I think your firend is wrong, we live in a "me" culture, and you have been pretty lucky for being able to do just about anything you want to during the day while he is working. It will probalby be only temporary, and will take sometime, but in the long run it will most likly be worth it. Some of the best times in my life was when i was on a very limited budget.... you get so creative with your entertainment activities, it is great! Gotta take a risk sometimes.. move with him to the nba job.

Answer 2

I kinda know what you're going through because my boyfriend is a musician with similar big dreams. I have supported him when he wants the music but there does come a time when you just have to be like "Dude just get a job and pay the damn bills!" I wrote down every big bill i paid for and told me he owes me this much.

As for living his dreams...thats a tough question. Do you think his intership could lead to a real job? Do you think this could land him with a job where he really will be bringing in the dough? Or is it just another flash in the pan?

If you think this internship could lead to big things then give him a try and be supportive. At the end of the day I'm sure he can pay you back and right this sitatuion.

However if you think this is all just a big dream, then tell him how you feel and explain that you would like to feel like you both mutually contribute to the relationship financially. Tell him right now you think it would be more important to get a job that pays the bills.

Also ANY job looks better on your resume than no job at all.

Good luck and hope this helps

Answer 3

Your boyfriend just got what he's always wanted offered to him. In the haze of all that, he's probably forgotten what a wonderfully supportive partner you've been. You should ask him about it. Find out his 5 year plan and if he sees you as a part of it. I think under it all, maybe you're afraid that you've helped him and he owes you for that. As true as that is, few people ever repay those that helped them along the way. What you should be asking yourself is what is going to be the best for you. I don't understand why you'd have to move out of your current residence to save money when you say you've been supporting the two of you on your own for a year now (unless you mean to save money to go stay with him). You have to decide if he's something you cannot live without. Is it worth the risk of relocating? Is he someone you can see yourself building a marriage with? If not, stay where you are, and let the chips fall where they may. But if you do want to be with him, if you cannot live without him, remember that anything worth having is always worth working for. Just keep your eyes open and have a back up plan at the ready just in case.

Answer 4

I think you should both agree on the solution since you have a partnership. Although his aunt did a good thing in finding him a job that pays well, in the end, he will come to resent having passed up on the opportunity of his dreams. Plus, trust me, he will blame you for his unhappiness.
I think you should cut a deal. This internship is a temporary setback. You give it a specified amount of time to turn into something that will support the 2 of you and YOU move back with your Mom while you get some money together. If he isn't prepared to make that pact with you, then indeed he is selfish and maybe just using this crossroads as a chance to bail.

Is YOUR job so terrific that you couldn't move out there with him?

Answer 5

If he does not have the character that it takes to work the job that is available to him, you don't need him. He may do well at his internship, but what if that proves a dead end? He will wait on his tail until another "dream job" comes up, and continue to be a burden to those around him.
If he succeeds, great, but given his attitude to working in general, he isn't giving himself a very big chance.

Could be a job like this could wake him up and he would get a clue that life isn't always living dreams - sometimes you've gotta spend some time working up to them.

For now, you're better off to let him be and live your life.

Answer 6

Why were you giving him money in the first place? He's a grown-a** man! He is being selfish. He used you and is not trying to find a way to repay you. And how do you know he won't leave you and find another woman to support him? He just a loser-bum. You should have seen that from the beginning. And he took that job probably thinking YOU will continue to pay the bills when he moves.

Answer 7

Dream or no dream you should be considered in his decision. You also might want to think about the long term. Which career path has the best long term potential.

While the internship doesnt really pay much now in the long run will it be a more profitable career than that other job. That is something to consider.

Also remeber while he may be willig to give up his dream to stay and support the two of you will he resent you for it? It would really suck if 10 years down the line he cant stand you because he feels you cheated him out of his shot...I'm not saying that will happen but its something to think about.

Answer 8

Ohhhhh, that's a tough one! It all depends on whether or not you see yourselves together in the loooong run. Would this internship of his open a door to greater job possibilities? If so, would you both benefit from that? Would you be willing to relocate with him and find a new job? Or, like you said, would you move in with your mom for a while and take it from there? I think you should first think about yourself and reevaluate your relationship. Is this what you want? Then plan around that. Life's too short to get stuck.

Answer 9

well, u have to consider that this is his dream job. and although it may not pay enough now, its only an internship which is needed to make head way later on. did you consider moving with him, or is that out of the question? i would go with him if its an option. its all about give and take, and even though u supported him for the past year, you cant expect him to pass this up. he will be resentful in the long run if he does. so you have to look deep inside yourself and take a look at your relationship with him. is it worthy of moving with him and starting over. or, would u rather just stay back home and let him live it.
There is alot at stake here, and i understand that, but if you give him the impression that he is selfish for considering it, he will resent you later. let him make the decision on his own. dont influence him one way or the other, that way you arent to blame for anything. be supportive like you have been. you have done all you can do to show him you care about the relationship. its up to him now. but be open minded. good luck.

Answer 10

There is no right or wrong here. He has to make the decision that he thinks is best for him. I noticed that you didn't state anything about marriage or a family. While you feel that the two of you are commited to each other, he may feel that he needs to pursue his dreams and discover new opportunites while he is still a single(technically speaking) man. I hope that whatever you decide you realize that you should be looking out for what is in your best interest and what you can do to enrich your own life. I hope that you two work this out and whatever happens good luck.