I knew HIM 2 yrs ago, i was filing for my divorce then. I had 3 kids from my previous marriage, Age 10, 6 & 4. My age 10 & 4 are staying with me. HIM was very sweet when we first met, he treated my kidsvery well initially. But recently, he wasn't happy with my eldest daughter, 10 due to some problems that she has given us. HIM starts to badmouth about her and wanted me to give her back to her natural father. My daughter would not want to go back to her father as the father is known to be notorious. Of course, i won't send her back. I felt sad for my daughter though she didn't say much. She still respect HIM very much. But HIM doted more on my son, 4 and start to ignore my daughter, 10. I start to realise that there is a problem. I could not accept the fact that HIM doted on my son more. I know he loves me but why is he starting to condemn my daughter. He should ve forgiven my daughter no matter what cos he should treat her like his own if he marries me. Now, i really dun noe.... Help!
2007-01-19 02:54:55 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Your daughter is your first concern. Your children are your family now! You chose to marry another and then leave him, and really that began your problems. It is ALWAYS best to work out a solution before even considering divorce. But anyway, now that you are separated, you must look to your first responsibility - your children.
Do NOT make the mistake of excusing "HIM" and marrying him anyway. If you do, you are setting yourself up for another unhappy marriage and another divorce - a spiral of discontent and unhappiness.
Right now, focus on what you have! You have two daughters that are looking to YOU for everything right now. They need your support and confidence. Give it to them!!
Besides, if your 10-year-old is having some issues that need addressing, you are not showing her the love she needs by giving more attention to a man that is not her father than you are to her problem. She probably wants your attention! She deserves it! Give it to her!
Best of luck.
(One more thing - the best rule of life is to not be selfish; that keeps all of us from a lot of pain)
2007-01-19 03:11:07 · answer #1 · answered by grounded_firmly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your eyes are getting opened up to what he's really like. It doesn't sound good that he wants to ship your daughter to her dad's instead of co-parenting with you and doing what would really be best for her. He should be treating each of your children the same, not doting on the "good" ones. I've always felt that the ones that are acting up are the ones that need a little more time, patience and love to get through whatever it is that is bothering them. And your daughter hasn't even entered into her teen years...that's when the real fun starts! Think long and hard about marrying a man that has different parenting ideas than you do. It may make your home life worse and it sure doesn't help the kids. Stand your ground!! Good luck to you and whatever decision you make.
2007-01-19 03:26:30 · answer #2 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SINCE you are unsure... then DONT.
you know the problems very well and what matters a lot to you, how he will treat your kids.
i am sure, like all mothers do, you dote on and love your children. you would want only the best for them... and not going to treat them like a bumping ball... if HIM likes them, they get to stay... if not then *bounce* they have to go to their natural father.
have a good talk with him and let him know what you want for your children. let him know your stand.
if he cant understand... then perhaps it is time to do some re-thinking... can you bear the thought of feeling your daughter's sadness day by day just so that you can be married to HIM?
2007-01-19 13:44:01 · answer #3 · answered by alibaba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children have already been through o ne divorce!! If you and him can not communicate these issues out than I think you should hold off on the marriage. I mean these are the questions and concerns that all couples need to discuss in detail and come to a resolution about it before you go to the altar. Sex, Money and Parenting to name the top three!! If you and him can not come to a resolution you may want to conclude the relationship!!! It doesn't make sense to waste time with someone that you alrleady know you cant married!!
2007-01-19 03:04:49 · answer #4 · answered by sexychocolatecity21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me personally, I wouldn't do it. Because your kids will always be your kids no matter what. And they should be your # 1 priority. The fact he's black balling your daughter just is not fair. He needs to quit that. He needs to realize that your daughter is like limb to you. She's a part of you and isn't going anywhere whether he likes it or not. He either deals with it or gets out. Simple as that. There will always be more men out there, but you can never fix the damage that this could do to your daughter.
2007-01-19 03:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by gi_jane_kicks_ass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you marry him, it is all about family and love.
the problem could be minor rather than major if he showing disfavour to your daughters is a reaction due to certain things.
if so, he could be hoping for a response from your daughters.
no matter what is the problem he is thinking about subconsciously, you must not marry him until things are stable 1st.
do not rush into a marriage just as the same for a relationship.
there is an idiom.
"when the boat comes to a bridge, the boat will straighten out."
mercury of love
2007-01-19 03:33:35 · answer #6 · answered by mercury of love 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to understand that when he marries you, ALL of your children come with you. You may love each other but if there is any doubt in your mind, WAIT. It may be right later on but you need to make sure it's the right decision for you, your children and him. Talk to him about it and make sure you're on the same page. If he can't understand that, then you need to make a hard decision and do what's best for your family. You don't want to rush into it and end up in another divorce.
2007-01-19 03:16:00 · answer #7 · answered by Renee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he felt your son could accept HIM more as a father figure but as your daughter was older then she would be resistant. It was very wrong of him to suggest you give her back to her father because they had not bonded. I would be very brutal and ask you if your kids are more important to you than this guy. If they are then you might want to reconsider if they should have a guy like this in their lives.
2007-01-19 03:38:10 · answer #8 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, of course you are looking at the best interest of your daughter. Maybe if you talk to him about how his behavior is hurting you and her. He may not fully understand the affects of his actions. I would hold of on any marriage though. You definitely don't want to start a marriage with sour feeling.
2007-01-19 04:48:06 · answer #9 · answered by Randa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids should be the most important people in your life. Protect your daughter, and don't marry him. It looks like this is a sign of more to come.
2007-01-19 02:59:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋