What's wrong with good manners?

Question

The concept of chivalry was born from the desire to help and protect those considered weaker. I am in perfect health and am stronger naturally than most guys that lift weights daily. (I only lift once or twice a week).

So, I give up my seat and open doors for everyone. Who knows who is sick that day or just finished chemo?

My wife has a big problem with this. She says:

#1: Only women are deserving. I say, why not be courteous enough to let anyone sit that feels they need to?

#2: That according other women chivalrous treatment is wrong. OK to Stand or open a building door.

But, I should not open car doors for other women, help others with a coat, help others get seated, etc. These things should be reserved for her only.

I believe all people should be treated with good manners.

We've gone round and round on this.

How do I convince her that good manners are deserving by all, male, female, wife, UPS guy/gal, co-worker, or stranger.

Answer 1

OK, Gary. Say it with me. . . PRINCIPLE.

That is what you are acting with.

RE: #1:

Courtesy, respect, kindness, and decency should be accorded to all people, regardless of race, religion, social status, or gender.

Picking and choosing who to treat with courtesy based on the any of the above criteria is the height of bad manners and discrimination.

If everyone applied this principle, how many fewer wars would be raging right now?

RE: #2:

Remind that her ONLY she gets flowers, back rubs, taken away on romantic getaways, and other things husbands do for wives only. Those are romantic gestures reserved for her alone.

The rest are are common courtesies that EVERYONE should perform for ANYONE, not just a spouse. Thus, you don't do them only for women. Men are accorded the exact same courtesies.

Finally, remind her that it is a good thing to be married to a man that does what he believes to be right, even if others (including her) disagree.

Answer 2

Interesting but I feel you are philosophizing bit too much on a debatable issue when you comment: "The concept of chivalry was born from the desire to help and protect those considered weaker."

Quite suspect to justify the above as follows: "I am in perfect health and am stronger naturally than most guys that lift weights daily."
Am I the only one reading puerile arrogance and discourtesy in these lines!

Perhaps you could express it all with a certain air of courtesy, decency and humility. Otherwise, it may appear as if you're demonizing your wife a bit unfairly!!

Good manners may be better expressed first by the image you present to immediate onlookers and/or readers.

just my tiny observation.

Answer 3

Hooray for people like you! The world truly needs more polite, considerate people out there!!!

To "convince" her, take her back to what we learned in kindergarten - treat other people the way you'd like to be treated. It's such a simple concept, but it's true. I'm always touched when someone holds a door for me. It is truly one of the simple pleasures in life that always improves my mood! I do my best to pay it forward (some days it's easier than others).

I try to think that me holding a door for someone or offering a seat to a stranger costs me nothing (except what, forty seconds of my time?), and I don't know what the effect of a simple smile, kind word or gesture can have on someone's day. My simple smile and "how are you?" might be the nicest thing that person heard that day. Kind of eye-opening when you stop and think about it....

Anyway, I hope your wife comes around to your way of thinking - and I hope just one other person tries to be as considerate!!

Answer 4

Good for you! Its nice to know someone out there believes that manners are important.

If you want the best arguments to your wife's objections, I highly recommend "Miss Manners' guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior", 2nd ed. which has just recently come out.

Miss Manners lays down the law, and she explains *why* manners are important and why sometimes *Because it is traditional* is the only reason, but still a good one.

BTW - I am sure you often allow people to hold open a door for you on occasion. Its important to allow other people to observe good manners too!

Answer 5

There are nothing wrong with good maners. But it's very dificult be educated! Don't worry, nobody can be perfect!
xp

Answer 6

I think you are full of yourself and I challenge you to a duel.