i want to get pregnant but i am 17?

Question

ok i know some of u are like what ur 17, but i was pregnant at 16 and my baby died when i was 5 1/2 months pregnant, it was the worst day of my life, i could feel her moving and everything. i wanted to be everything for her. some may say it was a blessing, but i feel like there is a piece of my heart missing and i wanna wait until the right time to get pregnant, but i feel so empty, and my friend just had a baby, i am happy for her, but i am also jealous, because i know that is suppose to be me :(

i want to get rid of these feeling because i dont need to be having a kid, but i want to really badly, my boyfriend and i have been talking about it!!!!

i dont know if i will ever really get over my baby dying unless i get pregnant, but i know it isnt the right time!!!

anyone have any ideas on how to help me

I AM JUST SO FREAKIN DEPRESSED

Answer 1

What you feeling is definitely a natural response to a loss. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to replace a loss. Both my Sister and my Ex-Wife went through this and to be honest both of them ended up having another baby to fill the void that was left there. The key to fixing that void at the right time is to decide if your doing it for you or for your potential child. I am a single dad of a wonderful five year old little boy and have struggled for the past 4 years (since I gained full custody) trying to give him what I think he deserves. As much as I love him if I could have waited until I had somewhat of a financial rock to stand on and still have had the same wonderful child ...I would have. Sometimes I hate pulling up to school and wishing that he could get out of a nice vehicle like so many of the other kids do. I wish he could live in a nice house..not a big house..just a normal avg sized house with a back yard and a trampoline. I wish I had the educational background to provide. Fact is, is that I have a GED and do pretty well for a guy that has a GED. But its not good enough to have what I would like for him. You know all the regular stuff that the other kids have...playstation 2, heelies (shoes with wheels on them), and other things that some consider to be standard. I am by no means materialistic..and I understand that the loving relationship that I do currently have with my Son is a million times more important than any of those things...but it does hurt at times. In conclusion I suppose that the real question is not are you ready to have a child but are you ready to provide for a child. And I mean on your own. There's nothing worse than living at home with a child. Trust me on this one I've been there. But like I said..Can you give the child the satisfaction and quality of life that he or she deserves... and if you cant and have one any way...I guarantee that YOU will NOT have the satisfaction and quality of life that YOU deserve. I'm not saying that you cant have a happy life..but it will not be easy.. You will be in a constant up hill battle that seems to be never ending in an effort to provide both physically and emotionally... Progression turns from focusing on work or school and into parenting...Not to mention it would appear that it is harder to get a date when your a single parent....scratch that ....I should have said it is harder to get a second date when you have a child. And trully a child deserves to grow up with a MOM and DAD in the same home. I hope this gives you real life insight on how it really is...and let me just tell you..we have barely scratched the surface....take some time to do some things for your self first and then have one...they are really wonderful! Lee

Answer 2

I'm so sorry sweetie, your child died and that is awful. It was NOT a blessing and people who say that are stupid and don't know what else to say. They would never say that to an older married woman...(actually sometimes people do).

The truth is honey, that there will ALWAYS be a whole in your life...if you have 20 kids, because your first one died. ..that piece of your heart will always be missing, you'll get better it won't always hurt so much, but it will be there. That means you are her mom and you love her.

You can still be everything for her, you can finish school, go to college be a productive and healthy person that she would be proud to say "That's my mom!"

I wish you would see a grief counselor and talk to someone if you haven't been. Your depression is partly emotional and partly physical. I don't believe in a lot of medication, but WITH counseling, I think it can be appropriate to help through the rough spots.

All of your reasons for wanting a baby are not good ones, though. I know you feel empty, but you are not in a place in your life when you can give that baby EVERYTHING it deserves. To do it unpurpose would make you a bad mommy, and I know you wanted to be a good mommy to your baby.

DO IT! Get well physically and emotionally, finish school, enjoy what is left of your youth, you've already lost so much...develop as a person so you can be a great mom.

Besides you not being in a position to be the best mom possible, you have to consider if it would be fair to your next baby to be a replacement baby.....sweetie, you just aren't ready emotionally to be a mommy to another baby right now....forget financially and physically.

I'll pray for you. Call the hospital and see where you can get some help! Please!!!! Do it for your baby in heaven and the babies yet to come. You will be a mommy some day and you'll be happy some day I promise.

My great aunt just died. She lost 3 babies at birth (and had one live) no one knows why (this was 80 years ago)....she lived a great loving life and when they buried her at 95 after a good life, they put her between her husband of 50 years and her babies. I know when she got to heaven her lap was full of three babies who were waiting for her!

Answer 3

It really depends what you plan to do with your life. My friend could have been a vet and she got pregnant at 18 and now she will never fulfill that dream, she admits herself that she will settle for being a mum and no more. If she got pregnant later she could have graduated first and had the best of both worlds. Equally, some people are very mature and some just suit being mothers! I also know a girl who got pregnant early and it worked out really well for her. She has a supportive family and boyfriend (soon husband) and lives a very happy life. A word of caution, if you are pregnant and deciding what decision to make, love matters can change overnight especially with the pressures of a child. As young people feelings can switch on and off like a lightbulb. It's no fairytale most of the time! With the right family and backing age doesn't matter. But an ambitious life for the mum might not follow the birth of a baby, except for the joys a child can bring.

Answer 4

I feel your pain and understand your loss. I too have lost 4 babies (2 miscarriages and 2 tubal pregnancies). However getting pregnant will not replace the baby that died. It will only add to your sadness. Being pregnant at such a young age is great and exciting until you have the child and realize you don't have the money to take care of it or provide for it. Do you understand the magnitude of your decision? Trying to fill a void inside you with another child will not fix it. That is a band-aid on a much bigger wound. Then your poor "new" baby will suffer because you won't be able to take care of it like you would if you were older, had an education and a good job. Take time to love yourself again. Then see what your thoughts are on life. Talk to someone you know who has lost a child, they will tell you it does get better with time and life is about not understanding everything but living through it. Good Luck to you sweet young thing! Enjoy your life childless for now and HAVE FUN!!!

Answer 5

I think that it's wonderful that you are in touch with your feelings and being honest about how you feel. Many don't have your insight. Continue to process your feelings and continue to talk it out. You have experienced a significant loss, and I'm really sorry that that happened to you. You can survive it though. It is possible. I know that the tendency is to want to get rid of the feelings, but that may not be the healthiest thing. Acknowledging your feelings is important. Sometimes journaling can help. Also, seeing a grief counselor can help as well. It's can also be helpful to seek counsel from someone who can offer a spiritual perspective. Unless there is some medical reason that prevents you from conceiving, You have plenty of time to have a baby. This is an opportunity to offer your future children better opportunity in life by focusing your energies right now on. healing and accomplishing any other goals you may have that will make their lives all the better when they arrive

I just had a baby in Sept 2006. I have a good job that pays well and masters degree. I have been blessed to be able to stay home with my daughter for almost a year. I am 36 years old. Raising a baby is hard work. It requires a lot of sacrifice. I totally understand that you were willing to make that sacrifice for your child, but right now you don't have to unless you choose to.

I would say Choose wisely. Be true to yourself, but remember with children you are not the only person that has to live with the consequences of our actions.

Continue to be honest with yourself, take responsibility for your actions and choices, and keep processing your feelings. Also, surround yourself with people who will be honest with you AND who withhold judging you. You are in a fragile state. You don't need to feel worse than you already feel.

The opinions expressed in people's response may seem hurtful. Don't dwell on those. Take what you know you need in your heart and allow those the are helpful help you.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I am so sorry that you lost your baby and my heart goes out to you. But honey, getting pregnant again so soon wont erase that pain. You are so young yet and have your best years ahead of you. Being tied down with the responsibility of raising a child is very hard work and takes alot of your precious time and energy that you could be using to get your life in order before bringing a child into this world and raising him right. Seek knowledge and life experience first so that you can become the best mom to your ability so that your child has a good upbringing and you know for certain that you can handle it and give the child all the love and attention it deserves. I think you will regret having a child out of wedlock when you get older. I know I do. I love my children dearly but if I had it to do over again I would have waited until I was more emotionally and finacially stable. I got married because I got pregnant and now am divorced. Divorce is so hard on kids. Marry first for the right reasons and when you know that you want to grow old with that person, Then God will bless you with children that you desire and that deserve a good mommy

Answer 7

Losing a baby hurts and it doesn't go away I've lost 2 but waiting and having your baby when you are ready ...emotionaly and financialy and your with someone who is your everything will be well worth it. And being in the right place when you have your baby will allow you to enjoy them even more because you will be less stressed and more balanced. I'm 21 and my husband and I have been married for 2 years now but we did start trying before we were married and even though we would have loved any child that we were blessed with now that we are married and committed and have good jobs and our own home this is the right time for us. Wait until you find your right time don't do it to fill a void it's the not the solution you need.

Hope this helps.

Answer 8

Enjoy other people's babies and be patient. You're mourning now and mourning is a bad time to make any decisions.

You can heal yourself a little by babysitting and working in daycare. Some of your romantic notions of having a baby will wear off when you find out how hard and tiring it is. Parenting isn't just having someone to love, it's having someone to clean up, feed, stay up all night with, wipe spills, take to the doctor, sweep up puke, listen to screaming, have to spend all your money on... oh so many things that aren't so romantic and lovey.

You're young and you have plenty of time. Don't you want to have a baby you can fully focus on and give the best life to? Then wait until you are in a position to do that. Get your education and get a career that means something to you. Become the best mother you could offer a child BEFORE you become one, because once you have that baby, you won't be able to get around to making your life better. And that's not fair to the child.

Answer 9

Talk to someone if you feel depressed.

Having a child to try and get over another, is not a good thing to do. I don't know if you ever fully get over losing a child. I've never lost one, but I have friends who have and they have moved on, but have never fully "gotten over" the death of their child.

You are only 17! Belive me, you need to finish school and live your life some before settling down and having a family. When you have a child, it isn't about you anymore, its about that baby.And everything you do effects that child.

Are you ready for that full time commitment? In most cases, a lot of teen moms lose touch with their friends too. Not in all cases, but most. I had my son at 18. I was engaged and we had bought our first house when I was pregnant. Even with the support of my family (dh's family is not very supportive on anything, really) we had a huge amount of struggles. We had A LOT more then most teen parents do and we had it hard for quite along time. It really put a strain on our relationship too. I don't see why anyone would want to increase the obstacles in their life like that.

Answer 10

Ignore all the people that are being idiots. Some people just don't have any common sense.

Anyway as far as getting pregnant it won't help you get over the loss of your first child. I had a miscarriage when I was almost 5 months pregnant as well. It hit me hard and did for awhile. The only thing that will help is time(and trust me it does take alot of time) You will never forget it but it will get easier.
If you are still in school go to your guidance counselor for someone to talk to IF your parents are supportive of you they will be your best support group.
Just remember you have the rest of your life to have children don't rush it. You need to be mentally healed before even thinking of having another.