My boyfriend has been checking my phone...?

Question

I have an 18 mo. old baby and her father is involved in her life, although he's not involved with mine. She visits with him x3 per week. They have a pretty good relationship (i guess?)
So my current boyfriend of 2 years just told me last night that he checked my cell phone and saw a text from her daddy that asked me "What I was doing" that night. Needless to say I never responded or call or whatever. Its obvious he would like to get back with me, and I've known that, but I'm just not interested and that is that.
But for some reason my boyfriend doesnt trust him? He wants my daughters father to not contact me at all unless its in regards to the our daughter. OK, I understand COMPLETELY.....but why is he stabbing me in my back by checking my phone!!! I have nothing to hide, thats not the point. If my boyfriend and I are talking about marriage and happily ever after, and he's on "my team" then why is he playing against me? I'm really pissed. But is it grounds to break up on?

Answer 1

I wouldn't be too hard on him yet. Has something bad happened to him in the past? Cheated on or hurt badly? Maybe he is just thinking everything is too good? I don't know.?? I can see how he could be jealous I think you need to talk about it more and explain to him exactly how you explained it here. Maybe if he knows you feel like he is stabbing you in your back he will see it differently? Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

The way it sounds is your boyfriend found this text message and he seen it before you did. I think your boyfriend has a right to be mad not at you but at this guy. I have been in a similar situation and it's the other person that i can't trust. Same to your ex your boyfriend doesn't trust him and that's no reason for you to be mad at him for that. Just like if he had an ex gf that was trying to get with him would you trust his ex? The ex never seems to care if the other person is in a relationship they actually like that because they will want you even more. People like what they cannot have. I think you 2 need to sit down and talk about this tell him exactly how you feel.

Answer 3

I am sorry to say that I believe these are grounds to break up wiht your boyfriend. If he is this unsecure and needy and a jerk who would check your personal messages without your consent, then he will only get worse when you actually do get married. Don't fool yourself by thinking that it will get better when you get married. Most problems only escalate when the actual marriage takes place. I would tell him exactly what you said in your question, tell him that you are considering breaking up wiht him over it, and change your password on your phone so he can't check your messages again. Depending upon his reaction to the information and your reaction to his dishonesty, you can then decide what to do.

Speaking from experience, if you can't trust them now, it won't get any better later. He must have some kind of a confidence problem.

Answer 4

There may be all sorts of possibilities. Was your boyfriend involved with someone previously that was untrustworthy, and is he afraid you might be as well? Just be honest with him and tell him the only contact you have with your ex is in regards to your daughter, and that you have no other interest in him. If this doesn't help, and if you love your boyfriend, tell him you love him, but calmly explain that his lack of trust in you really bothers you and that you always want to be open with him. I'm assuming he's never physically harmed you due to jealousy? If he has, get out while you can.

Answer 5

First, think about how long you've been dating your boyfriend, his actions and the quality of your relationship. If you decide that this is a worthwhile relationship, you owe it to him to sit down and talk. Certainly your boyfriend's feelings are to be acknowledged, but it also must be understood that your baby's father is always going to be a part of your daughter's life (unless he is abusing her or putting her in danger). This is for her benefit, not anyone else's. It is not your boyfriend's place to tell you how you should conduct your affairs (no pun intended). Any healthy relationship involves a strong foundation in honesty and trust. If there is reason for him to not trust you based on a previous event between the two of you, then he needs to decide whether he can forgive that event and move on. If he can't let it go, then the relationship should discontinue. If there is no reason for him to not trust you, remind him of that. If he has trust issues based on previous situations that do not involve you, then HE needs to work on trust.

I have personally experienced a similar situation. When I started dating my (now) fiancee, an ex-boyfriend of mine would call or email from time to time. I was completely open with my ex saying I was in a new relationship that I wanted to make a priority and that I wasn't comfortable about having contact with him at the same time. Well, my ex continued to contact me "in case I was available again" despite my repeated requests that he NOT contact me. This just showed me how little respect he had for my feelings and happiness. Though I was uncomfortable with bringing it up, I thought about how I would feel if the situation had been reversed. I would prefer my fiancee be upfront with me and so I did tell him that my ex was trying to contact me. I also told my fiance that I had no interest in re-establishing a relationship with him (the ex). Whenever my ex did contact me, I told my fiancee right away and emphasized that I wasn't telling him to hurt him, but to be honest with him. Sometimes my fiancee and I would discuss whether or not it was appropriate for him to get on the phone and tell my ex to stop contacting me. Together, we decided that ignoring my ex altogether was the best path to take. Eventually, my ex stopped trying to contact me because he wasn't getting any kind of reponse. Currently my fiancee and I are planning our wedding.

Answer 6

for me I just keep reassuring my b/f that I want HIM... I would tell him, I love him, etc... since he was insecure.. I also informed him of any contact between the ex and myself to keep him in the loop and to help him keep his mind from wondering astray... It did help... I don't feel its grounds for a break up.. you might stress to him that it upsets you that he checked your phone, to ask next time because you have not gave him any reason for him to not trust you... I would tell him that keeping in touch with the baby's father is something that he will have to accept and respect...and if he can't, than there will be problems with your relationship now and in the future.. I would talk to the baby's father and make it clear to him that there is no chance of getting back together, that you would like him to respect your feelings, and the only contact that should be made is regarding the baby....
I hope this helped... Good luck to you and yours...........

Answer 7

He is probably just worried that you may get back with this man because you do have a child together. He may feel threatened by this previous relationship and to a certain extent this can be understandable. However if he continues to be jealous then you are the one to decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship. You child doesn't need to listen to the accusations and the arguing. One time thing ignore it constantly, time to show him the door.

Answer 8

He's gotta get used to the fact that baby's daddy is gonna be around for a while and you need to have a semi-relationship with him for the good of your child. I can understand a little resistance but if he can't get a grip then you can't sacrifice what's best for your child just for his insecure butt. Plus it shows very little trust in you which is never a good sign. Be nice but firm that he needs to trust you and learn to accept baby's daddy. If he can't then cut him loose.

Answer 9

Boys are silly. He may feel threatened because you have this bond with your ex through your daughter that he feels he can't compare to, so he's insecure about it. If you two are going to spend forever together he needs to realize that he needs to be in a grown up relationship, that includes trusting you and understanding that the situation with your ex can get sticky, but you only want him.

Answer 10

I think that you need to define boundaries with him. Some people don't consider this kind of thing to be invading privacy, but I would (I have never, for instance, checked my husband's email, and I wouldn't expect him to check mine unless I explicitly gave him permission). So if it bothers you, you need to tell him that, and you should probably explain why. Be honest--I'd tell him that your ex is interested, but that you have no interest in him except where your daughter is concerned.