how do you tell your dad this?

Question

Ok what this is about, I've been working at a good job for a few years now. And the problem is not the job it is my dad he live's with me he does not pay any bills to help out, except the home phone, , Now i figure it was kindness to let him live with me but it has gotten to a point that he take's control of everything I tell him not to smoke in the house and in the car that's just to name a few and he does it anyway now for all you people yes he's my dad and I realize he raised me and everything he was there when i needed him And i'm her now when he need's me but the point is how do you tell him that enough is enough either do something or get out

Answer 1

dont say anything
be polite every time.
be patient one day he will realise
but you dont loose you kindness towars him

Answer 2

Ok, I can see your point. He's raised you and I'm sure you didn't consider smoking in the house or car when you were a child. You learned respect for others, obviously, and you obeyed the rules in his house.

Now that you're older you wanted to help out by allowing him to live with you but he's not respecting any of the rules of your house.

OK, time for a sit down with dad:

1) Dad, I am an adult - it is evident by the job, the roof and the money that comes in to pay for it all.

2) Dad, I don't mind that you live with me but you have to contribute a little more than just the phone bill. Time to get a job - even if it's part-time.

3) Dad, I hate the smell of cigarettes in my home and car. I didn't smoke when I was a child so please respect my wishes (Take a Ziploc bag and fill it up with cigarette butts & ashes - everytime he lights up open the bag and make him take a whiff).

4) Dad, if you don't help me help you than I am going to runaway from home and I won't leave a forwarding address.

Look, you can do this tactfully and politely. Hit these hi-lights in the most sacchrine way possible. Remind him that he raised a good child, you, and he wouldn't want someone else living off of you in that manner, would he? He taught you respectfulness of others and you think that he needs to be reminded of his own p's and q's.

Keep him living with you if he's able to start working towards these goals. Seriously try the Ziploc trick to quit smoking!!

Good luck to you and many blessings.

Answer 3

You don't say how old he is or whether he would have anywhere else to go. If he is still young enough to work and not disabled, then I think you need to insist that he go find a job to help out with the bills. If he has his own money (pension check or Social Security) then you should ask him to help out. Where is the money for the cigarettes coming from? If you are paying for them, stop. If he is, then he has some extra cash that he could be using to help pay the bills. If he is elderly or disabled and has no place else to go, then you don't really have a choice. But you do have the right to live in a healthy environment and you must tell him the smoking has to stop. If necessary, you must make him smoke outdoors, or take the cigarettes away, for the sake of your health and for his. Just sit him down for a talk and tell him this is the way it has to be. He cannot continue to live with you for free if he isn't willing to stop smoking in the house and the car.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I think your dad has to live by your rules as I am sure you had to live by his when you lived with him. He needs to respect the fact that you don't want smoking in your house or car, it's not only rude but it can affect your health, second hand smoke my dear.

Even though he's your dad it doesn't give him the right to take advantage of you, being your father he shouldn't do that anyway. You owe him nothing, he did what he did because he was supposed to take care of you. He helped bring you into the world, you didn't ask for it and you aren't responsible for him now. Some parents think they have kids to take care of them when they get old and that is not how the world works. It's nice that you take care of him and yes as family you help each other out but he has to realize you are a man and as he would with anyone else he needs to respect you, your home and your car.

He also needs to pitch in financially, if he can't do these simple, decent things then let him get his own place, he's a big boy and he can smoke anywhere he wants in his own stuff.

Good luck and keep your backbone, don't let anyone take advantage of you, regardless of who they are.

Answer 5

You have to be straight and to the point. You have tried in kind ways to let him know that you need help with the bills and that there is no smoking in the house but he has ignored you. You should not feel bad for laying down the laws. Sounds like your dad has some growing up to do.

Answer 6

Sometimes actions speak louder than words.First tell him what the consequence will be, then follow through. For example,"Dad,I respect you and care for you,but I will not ride with you if you smoke in the car." Then the next time he lights up and you're in the car get out. He may become angry because he's not getting his way, but eventually he'll get the point and stop. Just make sure it's stated ahead of time so there are no surprises and make sure the actions you choose are ones you can follow through on.
It worked with my dad and sister.

Answer 7

You're going to have to sit down and have a serious talk with your Dad. Let him know you love him and have been happy to help out, but living in such close quarters is causing problems with your relationship. He needs to get a job and move out. Set up a plan and date for this to happen. Let him know that you feel he's not respecting you or your house by smoking when you've asked him not to. This isn't going to be easy, but for the sake of your relationship you must talk to him. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Hmmm.... this is a difficult thing to have to deal with. You need to talk to him. Expain that you love him and want to help him in any way you can, but that he is going to have to start respecting you and what you do and don't want in your house and car. Then discuss with him his future plans. Ask him point blank what his has planned and tell him you will be more than happy to help him find a job or to get on his own feet, but that you don't think that it is fair for him to just live there and not do anything...work (I am assuming he is not working???) ...help out, etc.

I know he is your dad, but if he is able to help out and work, then he should. He should not be disrespecting you or taking advantage of you. Just try to talk to him in a calm and caring way and things should go okay. .......Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

keep calm and tell him straight forward. Don't go 5 thousand roads, be clear but remain respectful. Tell him the situation is getting out of control and that your at the age where you want to be on your own for a while. Don't point out all his faults because then an argument might result. Tell him you want hi to contribute or he needs to move on. Don't involve anyone else (siblings or mom) in this situation.
He is your Dad he should understand that Parent doesn't equal lazy bum you have to support.

gl on this very difficult situation.

Answer 10

You Must find a way to get him out of there.You can either sit him down & explain that you had rules & he broke them and that "as long as he is living in ur house hes going to follow your rules" And explain to him that it's is time you had YOUR life back. That he needs to start making plans to move out. If you don't he isn't going anywhere for a LONG time .The aternitive is to leave him a note on the table 1 morning before you go to work. i know i know it's the cowards way out but he will get the message.

Answer 11

It your house i would tell him that he lives by your rules and pays house keeping or he has to find his own place to live

I have heard of kids doing this to parents but not the other way round, Hard situation because he has brought you uo but i would reccomend not letting it go on because he will just keeping trampling ontop of you.
Goodluck sweetie hope it all goes well xoxoxoxxxoxoxoxo