Brother living with mother?

Question

My brother is 33, and is visiting my husband and me. We are trying to get him a job in our town, my mother (63, grade 1 school teacher), phoned last night and said he must come home. She's alone and misses him. My father passed away 8years ago. I told her he must think of his future, and there are no jobs in their small town. She said, she doesn't care, she's alone and wants him home. What can I tell her so she can realise how neccesary it is for him to work. I stay in South Africa. He says he wants to take the bus home? Please help?

Answer 1

Well it is about time for your brother to live a life of his own. you should tell him that if he don't care about his own future now it could be too late in the future. suggest him to find a nurse or a woman to live with your mom and to take care of her.

Answer 2

As much as I agree with you this is not your affair. And the best you can do is hope and pray that your brother finds a job with you guys that will give him an opportunity to find a life on his own and maybe a love interest to keep him away from your mom. Otherwise this issue is between your mom and brother. Especially if neither are mentally ill and can be declare unable to lead their own lives. Only thing you can do is allow these two to work out their own lives as sad as it sounds. My brother lives with my mom and is in his fifties and my cousins are solely dependant upon their mothers and it hurts my heart but it's not my business and each have their own will.

Answer 3

I guess this is up to your brother. He is an adult, the choice needs to be his. While it is fine that your mom wants him home--is that what he wants? And while it is fine that you believe he should be on his own, working in the town nearest to you--is that what he wants? It seems that each of you and your mom are deciding his future--and there isn't anyone asking him. Find out if he is perfectly content where he is at--maybe the lifestyle he chooses to live with his mom--fits his immediate desire. Maybe he wants to get out and doesn't know how to tell your mom. Talk to him and find out what he wants first. THEN if it is where he would like to move away--find something for your mom to be interested in, that she can cut the umbilical cord with--she is lonely and anyone could certainly understand the loneliness associated with the death of a long time spouse (statistically long time spouses don't last long after the death of the other spouse). Get her involved in volunteering, a church group or the like--or even ask her if she would like to move to your city too--if there is much more to do--then maybe she would like there. There has to be a point where your brother stands up and makes the adult decisions too--it isn't your or your mothers responsibility to ensure his happiness--it is his. Maybe he is happy--someone should ask first before trying to change his life! Good Luck!

Answer 4

You and your brother, might want to call your dad, and tell him the priority that he needs to stay with him. when you consider that there's no divorce and no courtroom orders, your father is entitled to take your brother, if he chooses too. Your mom would strive against him in courtroom. yet when he's 13, and he concurs to inform a decide, he should manage to bypass mutually with your father. i imagine the criminal age is 12, atleast in Connecticut, if the baby is totally conscious, a pychriatic try is done, to determin if the baby is comprehensable adequate to udnerstand what the priority is... there are particular juristrictions though, Your father needs to have a mattress room for your father, and adequate funds to help him. He also needs to signal up him right into a school, and performance a fashion to provide a toddler sitter in the journey that they ask him too.' yet legall sure, your brother can bypass mutually with your father. except there are circumstances like psychological ailment or dementia on your brother. see you later as your father is able to searching after him, as determined through interior sight authorities.

Answer 5

Your Mother has sated her loneliness with the company of your brother. It is very selfish on her part but I think as a married woman you can understand how it happened. I think the key to this is your brother. He is the one that has to make the choice to go on. Sounds like he is happy staying home and letting Mommy take care of things. Look at the whole picture and let them see it from your thoughts as far as your brother growing and maturing. On the other hand your Mother may see this as a competition between you and her with the Brother being the pawn.

Answer 6

No offense but your mom is acting selfishly. Your mom is probably lonely, but she cannot depend on your brother to fill in as a pseudo husband to fit fill her emptiness. It is very dysfunctional. Your brother is a grown man, not a teen. Perhaps your mother can join some community events, etc and meet new people so that she isn't so lonely.

I would talk with your mother, and tell her how unhealthy it is to expect your brother to do this. Your brother also needs to talk with her about this too and express his feelings.

Good luck.

Answer 7

It is understandable that your mother feels lonely; and in today's world, loneliness makes it more difficult for older adults to live alone, for they often fear that criminals will attack them. After all, they are more vulnerable that you and me.

But you are right. Your mother needs to understand that your brother needs to get a job. An alternative will be to ask your mother move to your town, and she can be near all of you. That may ease the hidden fears she is not telling you about, because believe me, something is scaring her, and she is keeping that from you.

Answer 8

Your mother is being selfish and she should realize the impact this will have on your brother. He is 33 and he needs to learn about responsibility and he must learn not to be a mom-ma's boy. He can call his mother or even email her but he needs a job and to be independent.

Answer 9

My brother is 58 and still living with my mother and her new husband. My father passed away 28 years ago. She totally supports him and he doesn't even feel guilty about it. He does everything he can to cut myself and my family from her life. Don't think you can ever change your mother's life when she becomes so attached to her son.

Answer 10

i appreciate your concern about your brother.But u have to respect and understand that he's an adult and he is entitled to take his decisions.Talk to him..try to make him understand.Tell him that if he gets a job over where u r living, he can bring your mom to live with him.It's very understandable that your mom feels lonely since she doesn't have anyone else around her.Old people tend to get paranoid.U have to deal it with patience.Don't impose your decisions on anyone rather try to make them understand.talk it out!good luck:)