How would you feel if your 21 year old daughter failed her killed her own child while pregnant, failed her exams and got a 'job' as a 'dancer' who just-so-happens to strip completely naked?
2007-01-18 23:43:50 · 29 answers · asked by Sam A 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
it is time to talk to her
2007-01-18 23:46:42 · answer #1 · answered by The little "T" 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
come on all you people who said you would feel you failed as a parent.... thats not true. you can only try your best. every one is individual and have their own minds and thoughts. she is only 21 and is obviously troubled. while she was pregnant maybe she felt this wasnt the right thing to be doing, although there were other options, she maybe felt by falling the guilt wouldnt be as much as a an abortion.as for her exams, the ammount of pressure on people is extreme with a levels etc. people deal with things differntly, the dancing job, is exactly as it says on the tin,, its a job and as long as it doesnt progress into anything else, then what is the problem, she is obviously a lovely confident girl if she can strip naked in front of people and dance. i suggest you offer her a shoulder to cry on when needed and also try and arange to see a therapist and discuss her feelings,,, but do not feel guilty for how she has turned out, as a parent you cant be with them 24 hours a day and you certainly cant control their thoughts and feelings,hope this has helped you,x
2007-01-19 08:16:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a 22yr old daughter, the middle one of 3 kids. She has been in constant trouble with the police, stealing cars involved in drugs and drink. She ignores my calls, lives at home as i don't want to make her homeless altho she is very rarely there. Shes got involved with a bad crowd and we just thoght she would grow out of them, she hasn't done yet. Im at my wits end as to what to do. I feel as though i failed her in some way but all my kids had the same upbringing and the other 2 are a credit to us. I have offered support, love, a deposit for a flat of her own to no avail. I do feel a failure and ive tried not to judge her but my patience is wearing thin. I hope you get an answer, whatever happens, i wish you luck in whatever you do.
2007-01-19 09:04:57 · answer #3 · answered by china doll 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be disappointed in her but would not give up on her. It is so hard being a parent today and hard trying to grow up too. There is so many bad paths open to children today. With all the new drugs and sometimes I feel the teen feel sex is part of a date with no shame to it. Guess what I mean everything is so open. Just be there for her because she'll probably need you in the future. Let her know you love her but just hate some of her choices. Good luck.
2007-01-19 08:05:40 · answer #4 · answered by snowflake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one, you should not feel like a failure as a parent! You did not raise her and teach her to do this. Kids just go down the wrong path sometimes. Hopefully, with guidance from you, she will find the right one. Stick by her. Let her know that you do not approve of what she is doing, but you will always love her. Because she is your child. The more you nag her, the more she will not listen to you. Just talk in a plain calm voice about this stuff. I hope she finds the right path soon, for her sake as well as yours. Good luck to you both.
2007-01-19 07:55:44 · answer #5 · answered by Shari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be worried and upset - but she would still be my daughter and I will not stop loving her. It's only natural to still be worried about your 'children' even when they are grown adults.
If she chooses to strip, it is her choice and would just ask that she is being careful about her safety. Not every child passes their exams and not every pregnancy goes to full term and there can be many and veried reasons. I'm sure your daughter is just a troubled as you are, but is trying to do the best she feels she can.
I would be there for her and let her know that if she ever needed me that she should not hesitate to ask.
2007-01-20 13:39:57 · answer #6 · answered by ukdragonsear 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im a young mother with two very small children, so i dont actually no by a parent side of it. im 19 myself and i can give you advise on my view as your daughter.
i dont know why she would be doing this. but im sorry to say, i think that she might have an addiction, which could be why shes stripping- for the cash.
also, it might be because she likes the attention of older men. is she mentally dirsturbed? i dont mean it in a bad way but i was like this at 16. i was very sexually active and did a lot of naughty stuff and failed my exams because i wasnt allowed contact with boys in my school times, my parents were too strict.
so i rebelled and left school to move in a with a boy. i was really sexually active and loved the attention of older men liking me. i think that is what shes doing.
im sorry i dont think she will change. i changed as i have two kids and am married with their father and am coming up to my 2nd anniversery. ive moved away from all the people that got me into trouble and am very happy.
theres nothing you can do, and im sorry to say this but, you need to let her go and have no contact with her for a while until she sorts out her act. she will soon realise that when men dislike her and are using her, she'll come to her sences and she'll stop what shes doing. you dont want to be tied down with any addiction she may have and dont want the trouble on your doorstep. you will feel like a bad person for a while for not helping her, but you arnt, and she'll help herself, and you'll be there for her when she needs you.
good luck, and remember, no contact because she'll take advantage of you, and you want to be there for when reality kicks in for her.
2007-01-19 07:58:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a twenty one year old daughter and if i don't agree with everything she does i will always be here for her no matter what .everyone take different directions in life some good some bad we all can't be perfect.and only because she strips doesn't make her a bad person .give her support love and a stable home to come home to a least you know she's safe .
2007-01-19 07:53:18 · answer #8 · answered by diane o 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not be happy but do not blame yourself. Have you tried talking to her. Maybe she needs some counselling ,she might have had some issues that you do not know about and might need help but whatever happens this is your child and no matter what you need to be there for her. I wish you all the best with your daughter.
2007-01-19 08:01:54 · answer #9 · answered by superstar68 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds as you're the failure not your daughter... you seem to have a lot of anger towards her.you should be looking to help her not condemn her. are you such a perfect person that you can afford to be so critical??? sounds to me that the dancing is a cry for some attention. how did the baby die?unless shes a really hard cruel person i suspect shes hurting like mad inside. you need to hold her and tell her you love her not treat her as if shes evil. you gave birth to her for goodness sake doesnt that stand for anything? you need to put your feelings aside for now and help her before its too late... this girl sounds desperate and very unhappy
2007-01-22 17:54:56 · answer #10 · answered by kazzy3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be gutted, absolutely gutted, we bring our children up the best we can and it would feel like we have failed if they did the things you mentioned. It is easy to blame ourselves, but why would one child grow up better than your expectations and another grow up completely the opposite. Sometimes we cannot tell them they have to find out for themselves and this is where you can give her support and encouragement.
2007-01-19 07:56:30 · answer #11 · answered by laughinggiraffe2003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋