although he tells me he doesnt know how he feels anymore and that everything is a huge mess in his head right now.i feel extremely bad to just pack my stuff and go back to my country. it would feel like a failure, like i am abandoning him when he is fragile. he is not giving me anything in terms of the affection i need, he says he only has energy to deal with his mind right now. and still, i feel so bad at the sight of recognising that my moving in w him was a mistake.
2007-01-18 21:27:36 · 6 answers · asked by dear 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
women always want to take care of those who are less than 100%.you may also feel like you want to fix the mistake.but your boyfriend doesnt seem to keen on keeping you,sometimes you have to cut free.if i were you id pack and leave.you need to take
care of you.sound selfish.well im bipolar and thats what the docs
say.and if he doesnt care i think they are right this time.
5
2007-01-19 13:13:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you are feeling guilty cause you are letting yourself give yourself a guilt trip, and you are going for it too. You should of gotten to know him better, or just visited him first before you moved to another country to move in with this guy, knowing he was depressed for years. Writing and talking on a phone is a lot different then actually living with someone. Did he know that you were going to expect the amount of love and affection that you are asking from him. You may be feeling guilty too, cause you feel that you are abanding him when he most needs you, but it may be this way the whole time you two are together, anyway it is your choose to feel guilty if you want to , and it is your choose if or if not you are going to stay and stay in a relationship that you do not think is going to work. You need to take care of yourself too, and you need to remember that.
2007-01-18 23:05:41 · answer #2 · answered by Ladyofathousandfaces 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your emotion is natural though it doesn't do you any good. Obviously you have invested into the relationship and now that he is down, quitting does feel like abandonment. But since you cannot reach out to him right now, it may be better for you to step aside and let him deal with his mental mess.
If he is willing to see a doctor (assuming he has insurance), you could probably stay around and help him since there are many antidepressant medications to help people. If he cannot afford or doesn't want to take modern medicines because of their side effects etc., there are good alternative health solutions. And you too can be helped with your guilt feelings.
Pl. rest assured that my advice is always free and the motive in writing here is simply to servce people.
If you or your friend want help, pl. don't hesitate to ask.
2007-01-18 21:39:30 · answer #3 · answered by Swamy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. My husband suffers majorly with depression and has done for many many years. I recently was at the stage you are now. To cut a very long story short, i got to the stage where i had to leave, for safety reasons, for my children and myself. But i too, felt i was abandoning him. I am seeing a counselor myself now, which has been such a wonderful help to me. My husband has had 2 suicide attempts, so believe me when i say that i do understand completely what you are saying about the feeling of abandonment. Is your boyfriend getting help for his depression? Please remember that you are the most important person in your life.....There is so much i would love to say to but cant find the words. I suggest that he sees someone for his depression and you make sure you do what is right for YOU. I have found that being "the carer" there hasnt been as much help as there is for the person with depression.
Sorry it all sounds so gobble de **** but hang in there love.
2007-01-18 22:35:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well hon I wouldnt feel to guilty because hes telling you how he feels. He says " I only have energy to deal with my mind right now." That would be telling me he doesnt have time for me.Let him get the help he needs. You go ahead with your life and dont feel guilty at all. Who knows, maybe when he gets himelf straightened out, he will get back in contact with you. How does that saying go, "If you love something set it free, if it comes back,it is yours, if it doesnt it never was." I hope you have a very happy life. Let go of all guilt. I will be praying for you sweetie.
2007-01-18 21:46:25 · answer #5 · answered by Leneki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you have to do what your heart tells you to do...and if that means leaving, then go...I would give him the ultimatum, to go get counceling, and if he does not want to go to a doctor, then it is his fault if he loses you...you can be supportive, but you can't carry his weight right now...and just pray for him...
2007-01-18 21:58:45 · answer #6 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋