What to do? How do I be with Mum and son?

Question

Have spent last 6mths helping 24yr son try to beat suicide. He is JUST stable at moment. We are getting all the expert help. Today I found out that my mum has liver cancer (not much time) she lives 3hrs from me in another town. Am worried about telling son and how to spend what little time I have left with Mum and still be here for son. I am having a very bad night. Am very close to Son and Mum.
Some times life can be very hard, especially when you have no one to talk to.

Answer 1

I am very sorry to hear about your mom and your son...this is a
very tough situation, both are in delicate situations and you need to be strong for both...easy to say very hard to do....the only thing I can think of is, if your son is stable enough that he can accompany you to see his grandmother, perhaps it would be good for him to be with and care for someone whom he loves, therefore not focusing so much on his depression, I think that would be the best way for you to be with both people whom you love and want to care for....of course you should discuss it with your son's therapist to get clearance for being away for a little while....I hope this helps you some, and know that I care and will pray for the three of you. May God bless you, your mom and your son.

Answer 2

I agree with the many who have said it might help him and to take him with you if possible. Or what is the possibility of bringing mum to you? But from a different angle, it may seem crazy (definitely against the grain) - but you are not likely to get much real help from the "professionals" - usually all they want to do is put people on dangerous, brain damaging drugs which don't even work. Their own ads say 70% of people on them still experience symptoms. Give your son a tablespoon of Carlton's cod liver oil every day (omega 3), get him off all junk food - by which I mean everything except fresh or frozen fruits, vegetables, eggs and some organic meats, fish, and dairy. If you can afford it, give him a food based nutritional product such as Alive! or Garden of Life. Get him away from soda and other sugary, white floury stuff. Sweeten with Sweet Leaf stevia. I promise you, you will see a tremendous improvement in him and possibly, save him not only from depression but from a different form of cancer down the road. If your son is already on drugs (from the doctor) do not stop taking them suddenly or quickly. If the time comes you and he feel he is ready to get off them, only cut down one medicine at a time 5 to 10% at a time and wait at least 3 weeks between cuts until he feels completely stable, then make another 5-10% cut of the previous dose. You can dissolve the meds in liquid or get it in liquid form. If you want, you can email me for any questions you may have. I am sorry for what you are going through, yes life can be tough. And we need to be healthy to handle it. How's your diet?

Answer 3

From first hand experience I think you should tell him as gently as possible at a time when he is not manic. Not telling him will either push him over the edge because you didn't let him decide if he could handle it, or he will stop confiding in you because he will feel like you lied to him and the trust youve built the last six months will be broken.
I would make sure that his counselors know ahead of time so they can deal with any fall out there may be and to also brace them for a crises intervention.
If you two are trully close then you need to have his support through your grief. And just maybe he will see that suicide would leave you by yourself to mourn both of them. For me I needed to see that I was needed by someone soooooo much that suicide would just devestate them. If your son is close to your mum, maybe he will see how much pain and loss is involved in death that he will find a reason to live.
I would love to listen to your story. I have dealt with both sides of suicide and lost my father to cancer. If you need an ear or shoulder- PLEASE- email me and I will listen. Sometimes we just need to vent to someone who is not biased and does not have an in the family opinion, or someone who gets paid by the hour and forgets you after that.
My email is; [e-mail]

Answer 4

The thing is: a person attempts suicide BECAUSE they are HURTING so much INSIDE!! They feel all alone & as if nobody cares about anything that happens to them. They feel hopeless!! To just say that....... your son needs to see grandma dying to help him appreciate his life is OUTRAGEOUS!!

Of course, I understand your concern with having your son & your mum together: as your son may become more depressed!!! However, talking with your son about wanting to be with him & your mum beforehand CAN HELP!! You can either make arrangements to take your son to your mum's or the other way around.

Keep the lines of communication OPEN!! And watch for those cues that your son may be in trouble!!! Also, there are medical problems that COULD contribute to the depression, as well as ANTI-DEPRESSANTS themselves!!! Such as PROZAC.... it has taken YEARS, but they have discovered many cases in which it has indeed INCREASED depression.

Answer 5

Could you take your son with you to your mums? Maybe that might be just what he needs. He will also get to see a dying person. Sometimes when people are suicidal they don't really know whats going to happen they just see it as the way out. Go to your mum and take him with you. Even if he goes back and forth while you are there. You are in my thoughts.

Answer 6

well I'm not sure if you wanna take your son if he is feeling suicide. I myself when through a time like that wanting to die but it was because I had so much inside that I could not find the word to say. but one day I meet this lady who helped me get throught all my bad time. get over all the bad thing that had happen to me in my life. I'm as happy that I had help while i was still you and that was about 10 years ago now. Your son need help and sould like more then what you can do for him. Have you tried to talk to him. have you let hime know what going on. most time there is a reason people wanna die. Do you know the reason? have you put him into a mental hospital where they can help him. I don't know what to say. All I know is pray. You need to see your mom tell here you love here and let her see you just incase she leave she'll know you came to see here and your son just let him know your there for him and you love him. Just let him know your getting him help and you don't wanna see him take his own life.

Answer 7

First off, sorry to hear about your mum, please don't take offense to what I have to say, just trying to help.
Take your son with you, it may help him in his recovery.
Maybe ask one of his docs, they will know if he is at a point where he can process seeing your mum and make the right connections in the situation for himself. Sometimes helping people can speed the recovery, as can seeing someone that is ill and has no choice in the cycle of life.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry for the position you are in right now.
You have to tell your son about his grandma, it's only right. By not telling him you risk pushing him farther away. Take your son with you to spend time with your son. Maybe by dealing with his grandma's condition head on he will realize how precious life really is and maybe she could have some effect on him.

I really wish you the best of luck with this. If you ever need to talk, please email or IM me.
My yahoo is:
[e-mail]
(please don't ask about that 1 lol)

My hotmail IM is:
[e-mail]

Answer 9

FIRST OF ALL, YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS.
WHAT A DILEMMA!

IF YOU ARE GETTING EXPERT HELP, THAT'S WONDERFUL. YOUR FOCUS SHOULD BE WITH YOUR MOM NOW. EVEN THOUGH MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERYDAY, SHE IS TERMINALLY ILL AND SHE NEEDS YOU MOST RIGHT NOW. YOUR SON ISN'T TERMINAL, YET HE IS ILL AS WELL. THIS IS A DIFFICULT POSITION YOU ARE PLACED IN.

I'M NOT SURE ABOUT YOUR RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND BUT IF YOU ARE INDEED RELIGIOUS, GO WITHIN AND ASK THE LORD FOR GUIDANCE. HE NEVER FAILS. IF YOU ARE NOT RELIGIOUS, GOD IS WITH YOU ANYWAY AND I WILL SAY AN EXTRA PRAYER FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

GOD BLESS YOU.