Advice on how to stand up to my father?

Question

Okay, here is the whole situation...
My parents got divorced when I was 15 years old, due to my dads infadelity and my moms resulting alcoholism. I chose to live with my dad. My mom filed for divorce the day we moved away. My mom got behind on her child support payments. By oklahoma(which is where they were divorced) law, Child support ends when the child turns 18. I am now 19, married with my own child, and my mom is still having to pay my dad, because he thinks she owes him. Last June my dad had me sign a document, after he told me that it would end my moms payment. Immediately after, my mom told me she got a letter stating that she still owed $2000. My mom and I have both done the math, and she should have been done when i signed that document. My mom filed an appeal, and now she got a letter saying that her appeal was suspended and the case was reopened in Nebraska. I feel my mom is being taken advantage of and i need to know how to stand up to him since my mom is afraid to.

I am really fed up with this whole thing. My dad's wife is the driving force behind this whole situation, all so she can sit on her butt at home and try to call me and tell me how to raise my daughter. I need some seriously encouraging advice to stand up to my dad, because he used me to get to her, and i am very upset... i have just always been afraid of my dad... i don't know what to do.

my mom was behind by 9 months. By oklahoma law, child support ends at 18, regaurdless if the child has graduated high school or not. my birthday is in february, so my mom should have been done and over in November of 2005.

Answer 1

well let me jump in your body for a second because i would let him have it ....it might be back payments but still he seems like an @** hole. but the courts would have to sort out those issues with the whole payment thing... The best thing to do to your father is to tell him how you feel about this and anything else you have felt or feel about him. If your scared of him do it over the phone and don't let him speak over you hold your ground and get loud and stern.. the reason why he probably treats you and your mom bad is because no one has stood up to him but now it's time for some one too.. because if you hold it in it will eat you up for the rest of your life... i was kind of scared to say things to my father because of his abuse of my mom and for not being there for us but when i was 13 i wrote him a letter saying if you ever touch or even think about touching her again ( even though they wasn't and are not together today) but he yelled at her at a family members funeral i told him i would kill him and i meant it and he still remembers this now and I'm 24 years old..and a couple of years ago me and my brother confronted him about how we have felt and feel and about him ..we finally let him have it even though he still remains the same i still feel and felt better afterward because i wanted to stand up to him all of these years and i finally got too. it is his lost not to really have a relationship with us ( even though we talk to him) not mine so what I'm saying to you is you have to tell him because if you don't u will regret it for as long as you live and if he don't change then cut him off and live your life and let him live happily ever after with his lazy @** wife. Also remember you are not 15 no more you are a young woman now that has her own family and her own mind and now you can stand up for yourself. He will need you before you need him just keep that in mind

Answer 2

Is your dad an approachable person? Have you ever been faced with asking him a difficult question in the past? What was his reaction? If you already know it won't be a good reaction then what you can do is talk to someone he will actually respond to maybe a sibling or an aunt or uncle. Or write him a letter. I have been able to get many feelings out this way. Especially if you know the conversation will be an emotional one writing is usually very helpful when trying to get your statement across.

Also did you read what you were signing? Because sometimes people (even our folks) will ask us to sign something telling us it is one thing and it is something completely different.

Lastly, if your mom fell behind on her payments and never got caught up then she just might still owe him money. Why I say that is because my husband was paying child support for his 3 boys well two of his boys are now 20 and 19 yet he is still paying the full amount as if they were all minors. The reason is the same past due child support or arrears. So essentially the months that he did not pay the boy's mom had to find additional money to supplement the deficit she incurred when he did not make the payments. So essentially he is paying her back. Make sense? I hate it cause it feel like she is getting money for 3 kids when she only has one but it is rightfully hers since there were times when he did not give her the money she needed to raise the boys.

HTH
Type A

Answer 3

Under Federal and State law in all 50 states of the USA, child-support ends at 18 or when the child graduates from school.

However, if over the years your mom was behind in child support payments, and she may very well be behind by $2,000 she still has to pay every penny owed under the child support order.

Case in point: A father failed to pay any child support for 15 years, the state of utah searched for him and finally located him just 3 years ago. His children are all in their 40's now. The state confiscated everything he owned House, vehicles, camp trailer, furniture etc. They held an auction and sold all of it. Then the state deducted the back child support and gave him the balance of the money.

If she owe's the money she'll have to pay it, ask the state to do an audit of the account to see if she still owes money. Sometimes the states make errors.

Answer 4

I think Type A gave you very good advice. I would only ad this: This particular issue, while it involves you is really between your mother and your father. From your question and the additional details you gave it seems that you have some issues with both parents apart from the child support issue. Is it possible that some of those issues are fueling your need to get involved in this battle between them?

Perhaps it is time to focus on those issues that are personal to you and your relationship with your father or your mother. It's a scary thing to do. It is much easier to rally your courage when you are fighting in defense of someone else ( in this case your mother) but it is important for you (as your mother should have done) to learn how to fight your own battles, even against someone you find intimidating.

You sound like a strong person, and one who has a very good head on their shoulders. Don't waste your energy trying to fix this thing between your parents. Instead use it to deal with those issues with your dad (and mom too) that are most relevant to you, your growth and your life. Type A's suggestions will work wonderfully to help you do so.

Answer 5

You said she got behind in payments. Perhaps the amount in question is that back support ?
It depends on how the document was worded. But if you have been married...support would stop at THAT date; with the exception of LATE payments.

Answer 6

C onsult legal aid on this issueIf you have a copy of the document then take it to a lawyer and they will cinfirm whether or not your mum still owes him money.They can set something in writing to your dad.