how do you deal with a 6yo girl still soiling her pants?

Question

she only ever does it at home- never at school or out. when asked why shes says she forgot....or im sick!
i have 4 other children ranging from 8 years - 8 months and i dont have the time to help clen her .
i have tried to explain many different ways to try and make her go but the problem continues....HELP

Answer 1

I dealt with the same problem last year with my five year old. I didn't have as many other kids but had a three year old that was potty training. She would only do it outside or when they were playing. I didn't have the time to help either and tried everything. Finally I told her that she was my big girl and that she was setting and example for her little brother. When she went in her pants he would think that was okay. I also said that whenever she did it I would not stop to help her and she would have to wash not only herself but rinse the clothes out too. I explained that she would have to stop whatever she was doing and clean up herself, adding that she would miss out on whatever the activity was untill she was done. Then I explained that if she helped my son to see that it wasnt any fun to wet themselves our family could take pullups out of the budget and have money to spend on small treats. This worked like a charm. We gave her plenty of praise when she had a dry day, and kept a bag of dollar store toys to give them one at the end of a dry week. After the first week we never had a problem again. I have found that she resorts to babyish problems when she is craving one on one time. Sometimes just five minutes at the end of the day or when the other one is napping has solved all of those problems. Mostly it is just a cry for attention-negative or positive- and once she sees that it will not get her the attention she wants the behavior will stop. Hopes this helps.

Answer 2

When you say "I have 4 other children ranging in age from 8 years to 8 months and I don't have the time to help clean her", I think that is your clue. Being in the middle is tough; you've never been the only child and you will never be the baby. She wants your attention, another indication of this is when she says, "I'm sick". She's looking to be nurtured. I think it would help her tremendously if you were to try to spend some alone time with her each day. Yes, I know that seems impossible, but maybe you could climb in bed with her for a few minutes each night and have some girl time, or read to her alone for a few minutes a day. During these times, try to encourage her by telling her how proud you are of her and be sure to point out that you noticed how grown up she is becoming. Potty accidents in an older child are often brought on by a child clinging to immaturity and babyhood. She sounds like she needs a little more reassurance that being a big girl is a good thing and that no matter what, she'll always be your little girl. :)

Answer 3

Please go on the Internet and read about a condition called "Encopresis". This is a combo physical/psychological problem in children which causes them to soil themselves. It is caused by withholding bowel movements and then becoming constipated. This problem almost never gets better on it's own, and needs medical intervention. It can take several months to get under control. Punishment and shaming are not useful in dealing with this situation. It is usually treated with a combination of stool softeners and behaviour modification techniques.
Please take this seriously because if it is Encopresis it will get worse.
Lots of perfectly normal children have this problem but no one ever really talks about it.
Children with Encopresis ARE NOT DOING IT TO GET ATTENTION, it is a medical problem.
Does she use the toilet on her own at other times for bowel movments? After she soils, does she deny that it happened, even if she is sitting in poop? Is the poop really very stinking (more that usual)? Does she hid dirty underwear and minimize what has happened? These are all signs of encopresis. I am always surprised by how few people know about this illness, even daycare workers and teachers.

Answer 4

Maybe she is trying to get your attention. You have four other children so maybe she is feeling a bit neglected, especially if she is normally a child who doesn't require a lot of mom's attention.

I have a 5 year old who goes through phases like this and we got her to stop by paying her lots of attention when she stayed dry. Make her clean up her messes and when she has stayed dry the whole day tell her at bedtime "I noticed that you didn't have an accident today. I am really proud of you because I know you didn't forget to use the potty." Once I started doing that with my daughter her soiling stopped. After awhile it just became the norm that she wouldn't soil herself.

If you think your daughter really can't help it then I would take her to a pediatrician.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I don't think that this is really medical it sounds almost like she was planning on going eventually but she underestimated the urgency and it got out before she could stop it.

Still have her checked out just in case, but also you should try rewarding her when she does make it, maybe with a treat or even a simple praise it will help her out just a little bit more and teach her to clean it up by herself when she doesn't make it.

Also, make sure she goes to the bathroom before she goes to bed and as soon as she gets up.

Answer 6

I was about to say that she could have a medical problem, but if she doesn't do it anywhere but home that probably isn't it. It seems the reason must be psychological, then. She might not be doing it on purpose, so I'm not sure that convincing her or punishing her would work. What about taking her to a child psychologist?

Answer 7

Have you taken her to the doctor? If thats not the problem teach her how to clean herself up and let it go. She's old enough now that she can deal with this issue on her own. I would make sure first though that it isn't a medical issue

Answer 8

What activities is she doing when she does this? Is she watching TV and just doesn't want to go to the bathroom? If this is the case tell her that until she stops messing her pants that you are severely limiting her TV viewing, or whatever activity is so important that she cannot stop to use the bathroom.

Answer 9

Sounds like she's either doing it for attention or because of a medical condition. Either way a trip to the pediatrition is in order.

Answer 10

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