I have been with this man for almost 3years. We have been through so SO MUCH things alot of relationships would normally not with stand. We got in engaged xmas before last.(2005) (he wanted a long engagement) and we are suppose to be getting married in June. I feel this past year I have seen him for who he really is, and its not good. He has changed so much already I dont want to marry him anymore!!!! But all our friends are so happy are parents are so happy and they are working so hard on the wedding. But I dont want to do it!! I feel trappped almost b/c i dont want to hurt everybody or him. HELP ME!!! Please be sensible.
2007-01-18 19:19:38 · 10 answers · asked by Shampaine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If you need time then put the wedding off for a bit. But if your sure you want to split for good just go for it. There is never going to be a right time or a right way. You need to just bite the bullet and get it over with as soon as you can so not to drag this guy along. Whatever you do don't marry unless you are sure you want it. Don't feel obligated to pledge your life to someone out of fear of what people might think.
2007-01-18 21:04:33 · answer #1 · answered by FX_Make-upArtist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the worst thing you could ever have in mind, go through a relationship to make family members and friends happy!
Take a moment, and make up your desicion: Do you want to marry this man? If not, like you're saying, you TWO (you and your fiance) have to talk about this, tell him you do not want to go on in this relationship because it is not making you happy (if this is true).
Then, either you two together or just you, announce to your family members and friends. It can either be in a big gathering, it can be just by telling the closest members of the family, etc...
You can even tell your parents or your best friend or sister, and they'll help pass the word...
It's not easy to face the whole world when you're breaking up a relationship they like... but it's better than going through a marriage, bringing children, from someone you do not want to look at.
2007-01-19 04:33:25 · answer #2 · answered by Serendipity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the most important person in your life. Your friends don't have to marry the guy, you do. If you aren't happy then say so, trust me. Been there, now divorced in less than two years. If your friends are true they will support you, that's what they are there for. They are probably happy because they think you are happy.
You can go through with it if you are worried about everyone else but you are the one who has to live the life you are letting others choose for you because you're not speaking up.
2007-01-19 03:44:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just work up your courage and tell him first and everyone else later. Take it from one who knows, dont marry someone because your family wants it or for any other reason other than love. Divorce is messy and painfull even with no kids involved. stop the wedding before it is too late to get refunds on deposits or at least partial credits.. family will really be pissed then if you wait till the last minute and they lose money they could have recovered.
good luck and just tell him.
2007-01-19 03:31:00 · answer #4 · answered by rcsanandreas 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I want to say to you thats its ok.
Engagment is the time when you really see a persons true colors, esepcially if you are living with them. Its ok that your feelings have changed towards him. Most of the time feeling mature and grow, but in your case the maturity brought nothing.
Keep telling yourself this:My family and friends want me to be happy. They are happy doing wedding work because they think you are happy about the wedding. No one is going to hate you for calling this off. They may want to discuss it with you, but it will just be to understand why. No one is going to try to talk you out of it, and if they do, you have every right to question them about why they are concerned about a party rather than your well being.
I would talk to your fiance first, I dont think at this point you need to go into a whole dramatic episode over why and what is bothing you. Save that for a later date when everything is cancelled and you have your wits about you. If you just say "John, I dont want to get married, I feel I have changed and so have you and I dont think I love you anymore" He will question you definitely, but try not to get into it right away. Tell him you need some space for a few days and that you will speak after you both have time to calm down.
Next go to your parents. Your parents love you, they will understand and they will help you cancel the plans and get the word out that its off. But most importantly, they will give you strength to go through this.
Everything will be ok, but you have realized this about yourself and this man, it isnt fair to either of you to go through with it. You are doing the right thing.
Good luck.
2007-01-19 08:27:32 · answer #5 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know you don't want to be with him then just call it off. If you're not happy now you're going to end up in a divorce. That's much more expensive and stressful than ending it before it starts. If you're just not sure, put it off. Wait until you're ready to make that kind of commitment to him. It's your life and you have to do what's right for you and not what is easiest for everyone else. Good luck.
2007-01-19 12:16:20 · answer #6 · answered by Renee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't owe anyone an explanation, and you shouldn't feel guilty. A wedding is essentially a really fancy party -- don't feel guilty about calling off a party because you don't want to spend the rest of your life with the wrong man. Tell him, tell your parents and his, and then start cancelling your plans. One step at a time. You can do it. And I garuntee it will be easier than a divorce.
2007-01-19 10:57:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Causing disappointment now to the families & friends is minor to what takes place during a divorce.
If you don't want to marry this man, then tell him, now.
And you must face the fact that there is going to be hurt, it's unavoidable.
Though the truth might sting at first, the truth doesn't do lasting harm.
2007-01-19 04:15:27 · answer #8 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Everyone" does not have to live the rest of their life with him..get pre marital counseling now before you do anything else..Do not waste time and money on this wedding that probably wouldn't last, if you are not happy now, why would you be happy 10 years down the line..It is easier to call it off now than file for divorce later. Good luck
2007-01-19 03:37:33 · answer #9 · answered by jst4pat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow girl i was in the same situation and guess what im still married. If you are 100% sure that this isnt what you want call it quits. This is about knowing whats right for you and not pleasing others. If you go on with it you're marriage will be horrible
2007-01-19 03:28:59 · answer #10 · answered by mayra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋