I asked a question on approaching my daughters teacher and I was attacked for babying my child?

Question

If your child complains to you and something does add up in her story.. is it not appropriate to talk to the teacher and see what is true and what is exagerated, and what is a child's perception verses fact? Is it not my job as a parent to help my child deal with the things that she felt open enough to ask for help with...? And if the teacher thinks my child is lying, isn't it my job to stand up for my child? And if the teacher thinks that I am enabling the situation by giving it attention, then isn't it my job to continue to do what I think is best and stand by my child? My parents didn't believe in me, and it still affects me... if my child is frustrated with a situation.. is it not my job to help her with her teacher discover a way to deal with it.. without cristism?

Opinions?

Answer 1

the people who say you are babying your child have obviously never being bullied (most likely were the bullies) and don't understand the psychological impact of it. Children need to learn to stand up for themselves but if that is not working then it is our job as parents to step in and help.

Answer 2

If you believe your child is telling the truth, then by all means stand your ground. It is your child!

I too, had a similar situation when I was in high school. These two boys would always pick on me in computer class. The teacher didn't believe me and wouldn't move me away them. (We had assigned seats) I dreaded going to school! It affected my self-esteem. It was horrible! My mom wouldn't do anything, all she could say was to blow it off! Well it got to the point that they were threaten my life. I was very scared. I went to the counselor. Finally someone believed me and took me seriously! I was moved away from the boys and they were suspended.

Now that I'm a mom, I take every concern my daughter has seriously. If the problem warrants I talk to the teacher. I don't let any ones opinion of a situation influence my decision as a parent. I especially don't take the teacher's side, just because she is a teacher. Most likely the teacher didn't see what happened anyway. My daughter is 9 now and is very confident. I have had to talk to the teacher three times this year, and it was all homework related, not bullying.

Definitely, stand by your child! If the teacher pushes the issue, bring it to the principal. If situations keep arising and the teacher isn't dealing with them, I would ask to have her move to a different teacher. Teachers should work with you not against you.

Answer 3

It depends on the situation. There are times a parent needs to step in, however there are other times where it's best left up to the school. There are teacher who practice favoritism and might take another students side against your child's even though your child has done nothing wrong. On the other hand it can be a squabble between two kids and the teach witness the entire thing and it might be your child that is wrong. Just because something does add up does not mean the entire thing adds up.
A friend who's daughter's story seem to add up ending up being the one who was hurt in the long run. Mom use to go running to school everytime there was a problem ect. What happened is this young lady who is a going to be a teenager now ended up with no friend. She didn't have the social coping skills because mom always took her side and fixed it. Mom tried to get her involved in extra activities but because she could get away with anything with other people no body would want to play or hang out with the child.
Sometimes when we believe we are helping we end up hurting them without even realize it.

Answer 4

I'm confused. You admit that you wanted to check with the teacher because you think your child may have exaggerated, but then you feel a need to defend your child when the teacher believes she's lying. I certainly agree that you should do what's best as a parent, but I think you may have worked against your purpose here. Teachers are pretty smart and I don't think they usually have it out for any of their students. I'd say give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and consider that what the teacher said might be true. You asked for the teacher's opinion, anyway. I hope you get everything worked out.

Answer 5

It is hard to give an opinion on your situation because I don't know what the circumstance is. But, it is certainly your place to protect your child. However, it sounds like you may have gone to the teacher with certain assumptions, and put the teacher on the defense.
My advice for the future, would be to write the teacher a legnthy email explaining in detail what your daughter said and what the situation is, and request that you meet with the teacher soemtime after school to discuss it. And, thank her in advance for working together with you to solve the problem.
That will give the teacher more time to prepare possible solutions and make her more aware of the specific problem.
And, most importantly, go into the meeting with the teacher with a positive attitude, and remind the teacher is is to promote a healthy outcome for you daughter, and her student.

Answer 6

I do understand what you are saying BUT PLEASE do not see my reply to you as an attack on you ..

When you pose a question to an open forum such as Yahoo Answers you are inviting people to give you their opinion.

Some of those opinions will take the view you have .. and you will of course ( like anybody else) see those answers as being supportive and correct
BUT the people who do not agree with your views and tell you so .. you see them as attacking you.

both opinions were invited and as much as you may not like some of the answers .. those people I guess do have a right to their opinion( which you asked for)

maybe wade through the answers you recieved again and try not to be too defensive ( though i can understand why you would be as this concerns your child and we all want the best for our kids) and see if some of those critical answers don't have something in them that you can use.

Good luck .. :)

Answer 7

Yes it is your job as a mother to do these things.
I read your previous question and I would have sorted that teacher out. How dare she think your daughter is lying!!!
My daughter is sensitive also, and I ended up telling her last year (kindy) that she was not to talk to this girl anymore as all she did was make my daughter feel bad.
Your daughter does need to learn how to deal with mean kids and it is yours as well as her teachers ( as this is going on in school) responsibilty to help her learn how to deal with those situations. The teacher should be wanting to know the truth as well so she can stop such behaviour in future.

I personally would go back to the teacher and tell her what I thought (without your daughter their), cause what is goping to happen if something bad happens at school and your daughter is to scared to tell her teacher as the teacher wont believe her.

My Mum was always at school defending my brothers and me. My Mum always knew when we were telling the truth and if the teachers didnt believe us Mum would go down and tell them that we werent lying and she expected something to be done. Or she was taking us out of school. If you have to, go to the principal and explain the situation and tell him you expect more respect for yourself and your daughter out of your daughters teacher.

I cant believe you let her talk to your daughter like that in front of you without saying anything.

Good Luck

Answer 8

First of all, any opinions you get on Y!A are just that. Opinions. You have to take them with a grain of salt. It's not like we know you or your kid.

So, now for another opinion that you have to take with a grain of salt. Yes it was appropriate to talk with the teacher. And yes it was appropriate to talk to the teacher with the child present. However, it probably would have been helpful to develop a strategy with the teacher for talking with your child _before_ bringing her in. Then the difference of opinion between you and the teacher could have been worked out before things upset You.

There is a difference between asserting your authority as the parent by refusing to let the teacher walk all over your child (which of course you should do), and blindly standing up for and by your child when you know she's doing something wrong. Running to the teacher to exaggerate is, unfortunately, lying. I don't think you daughter's doing it to be mean, but she is doing it even if she doesn't realize it. To me it sounds like the difference of opinion between you and the teacher comes into play when it comes to deciding what to do about the behavior.

Now of course you know your child better than the teacher. But, the teacher also gets to see a side of your child you never see. She gets to see how your daughter acts in a group when her mom is not around. If the two of you can develop a plan together about how to handle her oversensitivity to the mean kids in class, and if the two of you can develop a plan for what to do when she starts to exaggerate, that would probably work out best for your child. It sounds like that part of the conversation didn't happen today. Even though you don't like how the teacher handled it this afternoon, I strongly encourage you to go back to her with the same open-mindedness that you went with today. Be clear about what you'd like to see, and be clear about wanting to work WITH her to find a solution.

Then you two can present the framework you come up with to your child and she can practice using the framework in school. If she knows that you two are doing this because you care about her and want to make her life easier she won't feel ganged up on. She'll feel safe because the adults in her life are giving her the coping skills she needs to practice. She'll feel that you're standing by her because you're working with the teacher to make things better. She'll feel that you believe in her because you're giving her the tools to fix her own problem. It's entirely possible to have a united front with the teacher, and to have a united front with your daughter at the same time.

Yep, this answer is long. Answers about parent-teacher-student interactions are never short when I write them because there's too much to say.

You're doing just fine by your daughter. It just sounds like you need to tweak your approach a bit when working with the teacher. You two are partners in this.

Answer 9

Well I answered your other question and I didn't think that you were babying her...I do think that you might need to make sure that you are really helping your daughter....

Yes it is your job to help your child...but helping doesn't always mean that you have to disagree with the teacher...its all about the approach.

You admitted it yourself in your last question that your daughter does exaggerate...yet you're upset that her teacher thinks she is lying....I don't understand. Isn't exaggeration lying?

I'm not trying to put you down...I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from.

Answer 10

This teacher needs to be taken to task on this issue, as they are clearly out of line. You are the parent, and the teacher by making those statements is taking on the roll of parent, and invalidating your roll there-as. I am not saying go legal or anything, but when you have a chance, maybe by mail, you should tell them in no uncertain terms that they have crossed the line, and you are going to speak to their superiors. Good Luck!