A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting & took the microphone from one of the church ushers & bared her soul to the suddenly attentive congregation: "I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband Jim suffered this past month. He was riding his bike, lost control, ran off the highway & hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital & could've died but thank the Lord all he suffered was a broken scrotum."
The congregation gasped in horror.The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy & writhed in their seats. "Jim's been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He has trouble breathing & swallowing his food. He can hardly lift anything he's in so much pain & he has missed work because of it. He can't lift our children up to hold them & give them the personal love that they need. Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations. He's in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion. I'd like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim & pray for us so his broken scrotum will soon heal & be as good as new."
A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sunk in & the men in the congregation were visibly shaken up with the thought that, "there but for the grace of God go I." Then as the murmuring settled down a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then leaned over & said to the congregation:
"My name's Jim & I have only one word for my wife, Jill. That word is: STERNUM" !
2007-01-18 19:11:19 · 16 answers · asked by fly boy 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
LMAO! Very funny! Thanks for this one. I'm still chuckling.
2007-01-18 19:53:51 · answer #1 · answered by le païen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The one which holds strongest in my memory isn't from Sacrament meeting, but District Conference. There was a new district president who had just moved to the area and wasn't familiar with the quirks of the members... it was customary to request various branches to supply the opening and closing prayers. Well - the opening prayer was offered by a man who was infamous with the locals for going on and on and on. The opening prayer lasted more than 20 minutes. I can still remember some 30+ years later, glancing up to make sure that I hadn't missed something and a talk had started, but this little old man was still praying away sincerely - it didn't help, in this instance, that we were living overseas and none in my family were fluent in the language... and as it was a prayer, the missionaries weren't acting as translators.
2016-05-24 06:12:18 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was Jill a blonde?
2007-01-18 20:52:43 · answer #3 · answered by Modern Major General 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL. HAHA.
I like it. Kinda seen it coming tho'. But I liked it. I am going to tell my dad that one, he is a Baptist Minister. He will get a kick out of it.
2007-01-18 19:17:55 · answer #4 · answered by alcontch 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not as good as the blonde 1
2007-01-18 19:22:08 · answer #5 · answered by blonde286021 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
funny
sort of reminds me of all the references to ***** and his "prostrate problems" that I hear about in our church community. Oh, our body parts are a source of endless mirth.
~Peace in 2007~
2007-01-18 19:19:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh I laughted so hard I peed. Oh wow that was an awsome joke.
2007-01-18 23:07:31 · answer #7 · answered by LunaFaye 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Know it! I knew it when i read it,! it was going to be Sternum...veryy funny.
2007-01-18 19:50:14 · answer #8 · answered by jeeccentricx2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ha! Funny.
2007-01-18 19:19:33 · answer #9 · answered by RM 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nice
2007-01-18 19:15:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
another feckin gem
2007-01-18 20:59:45 · answer #11 · answered by Because I Said So 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋