I went to see my daughters teacher today and I was not happy.. how would you feel abou this?

Question

My daughter is senstive and does dramatize alot. But she is well raised, respectful, has good manners, and is really kind. She is upset by mean kids and feels picked on. I know that she exagerates.. and so I went to the teacher... I was hoping we could talk and help my daughter learn to deal with other kids and conflict on her own, without going to an adult and exagerating. She is frustrated with mean kids and I want to help her deal with this on her own. She is only 7 and so I went to her teacher today. The teacher was professional and talked to me and then we talked to my daughter. The teacher was very good to my daughter, but obviously thinks she is lying. She thinks my daughter is making stories. My daughter felt cornered and wouldn't look at me and the teacher told her to look at her mom when I am talking to her. I let it go because my kid was upset. The teacher obviously thought my kid should be in trouble, not 'helped' to figure this out.. even though she acted professional

i was insulted that she thought i, as a parent was approaching it wrong. She said to me that maybe it was for attention... This teacher is a mother to boys only and maybe doesn't realize the drama with girls? This school is HUGE compared to the one last year, and kids in grade two are a little more mean. The teacher doesn' think the kids are meaner in grade two, she didn't say, but her attitude said that my daughter is totally at fault for lying.

my daughter is upset about other kids and and needs people to cheer her on. She does dramatize.. but is not lying, she is truly upset. How would you feel towards this teacher

Answer 1

I am a mother two girls and both have their dramatic moments. My oldest was bullied as an 8 year old and dealing with her teacher was a nightmare because first they didn't believe her then they told her stand up for herself against a boy 80 lbs heavier. Hah! My youngest child is sensitive and often got stomach aches when other kids misbehaved in school especially when the whole class was punished for it. I tried have a conversation with her teacher and it really didn't get me anywhere. I called my sister, who is a teacher, and explained the situation. She tried to play devils advocate for me and I decided the best course was for me to show up at school unannounced. First, this gave me more incite on how my daughters' classrooms worked and the dynamics of the kids. Second, with this point of reference, I was able to find solutions for my kids because frankly I have a more vested interest in this than the teachers and I know the good, bad, or ugly when it comes to my own kids. I agree that your daughter deserves a plan of action when dealing with conflicts with kids and from your blurp it seems she has decided that only adults can fix it for her but she does not have faith in her own power to get them to help. Probably because she has been failed once or twice by an authority figure or she learned it from a peer. I would give her the power to tell her stories and listen then help her unravel the story to the fundamental truth. Then try to explain to her that the simplier the story the faster she can get help to resolve her issue. Don't give up on the teacher yet, keep trying to explain that your daughter is struggling with bullies and has decided that the only way for her to get help is fluff up the tale. Tell her about your plan of action, she may surprise you. I would also have your daughter begin to use the creative of mind of hers to start a journal. My oldest has been writing since she was 7is and has found it a great way to relieve frustration. Finally, check in make sure that the issues with the other kids is not bullying and if not, create situations were you can be in attendance and help through this difficult time. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well for starters...I wouldn't have spoken to the teacher with my child there. Reason being...anyone will feel picked on or put on the spot in a case like that. People tend to lie or clam up when in the midst of that atmosphere. Speaking to the teacher might allow the two of you to come to an agreement when it comes to your daughter. You need to let the teacher know what you want your daughter to do when someone is bothering her...i.e. telling an adult. I would express to the teacher that your daughter needs to feel secure when telling about an incident and that will help her not to lie.

Secondly...does it matter what the teacher thinks or calls it? Honestly...whether its being "helped" or in "trouble"...your daughter needs to be spoken to by you because you are the parent.

Thirdly....I think that you have to call it what it is...exaggerating is lying. She's 7 yrs old and is old enough to understand what a lie is. Try to encourage her to tell the truth so that her teacher won't think that she is lying when she needs help.

I really wish you all the best but try your hardest not to stress. I know how hard it is when someone doesn't think the best about your child. Parents tend to go in protection mode and sort of block out what the other person is saying. Try to understand where the teacher is coming from...but still maintain your helping stance with your daughter.

Good luck!

Answer 3

We as parents tend to lean towards our children when it comes to things like this. We stick by our kids and then it's hard to really hear what teachers, grandparents, babysitters ect say. Your daughters teacher may be right, I'm sorry to say. I've caught my son in a few lies I know when my son is lying and so does the teacher. If you are not satisfied, and it's obvious you are not then go to the principal. If you are able to volunteer in the classroom, then you can see what's going on with your own eyes. You have two conflicting stories here and of course you want to believe your child, that's instinct. But you might want to take to heart what your child's teacher is saying. She's there with the child during the day, not you.

Answer 4

You can file charges. Honestly, depending on your daughter's age and maturity level, I'd suggest talking to her and following her lead. She was the one "on the scene," after all, and is therefore in the best position to judge whether an investigation is sufficient or whether charges should be brought. If she's comfortable returning to school and thinks this was a one-time incident and that the teacher has learned her lesson via the investigation process, pushing for more might be an overreaction. Teachers are humans too, and in a stressful situation, may act badly just like the rest of us. On the other hand, you're a parent whose child was hit. If there were ever a situation in which you are FULLY justified in overreacting, this is it.

Answer 5

The biggest piece of advice I can give to you right now is to teach your daughter how to deal with kids picking on her. It won't stop this year or next, by high school it will be positively horrible for her. She needs to know how to cope with people picking on her.

I taught my girls that if someone says something nasty to you make it funny and shoot it right back at them. A boy on the bus was calling my daughter fat Albert. At first her feelings were hurt, she is a bit heavier than some of the other girls her age. I just told her to ask him if he was the skinny guy without a face or the one that couldn't talk. Not only did that shut the boy up but it made all the kids see her sense of humor and she began making more friends.

I do understand your frustration, that incident with the teacher would have made me angry. But what your daughter needs is coping skills, that's something that teacher can't give her anyway.

Answer 6

I would not be happy. If you really believe your daughter is not lying then it is time to go over her head and go to the principal and explain what is happening and that you tried to talk to the teacher and explain how that went. If there is still problems then you may need to look at a different school. I am not for moving kids unnessisarily and the problems may happen again. If this is the case then you need to help your daughter in standing up to these mean kids. Mean people are everywhere in life and she needs to learn to deal with them. But at the same time you need the teachers support in this. Your daughter needs to feel the teacher will listen and help her deal with it. Even if it is a sympathetic ear and help her how to stand up to them. We can not fight their battles but we can help them learn how to go into battle and come out with few scars (hopefully not physical ones)

Answer 7

I believe you have learned a lesson; talk with your daughter yourself (or family members who you know have her best interest at heart). This has happened to me in the past. You went to this teacher for "help" and she crossed the line and started to chastise your daughter... which of course did not help the situation.

I don't think you can expect the love and care you have for your daughter from strangers, even teachers (*some you can, but you know the difference)...

Just take this one and keep it as a lesson learned. This teacher is obviously not the one who is going to help with your daughter's self esteem...

And by the way, aren't most 7 year old girls drama queens? Probably normal. Even normal to make up stories.... don't worry so much about it. Just love your daughter and keep raising her right.

Answer 8

There is good teachers ...but apparently, your daughter does not have one....

when dealing with teachers and schools ..you have to take the part of your child..they will not....

....your child's teacher ended up turning this situation against your child by placing blame onto her..there by relieving herself of any responsibility toward correcting an undesirable situations..in others words ,she blew you off and smacked your child in the process......you are going to have to watch this situation closely...and have a little more faith in your daughter...

In my personal experience..I found that everything I did...caused a negative reaction toward my children......teachers want to see you for open house...Christmas plays...to volunteer....they don't want to see you regarding anything to do with their class or problems that arises......

I gave up and pull my children from school...I kept them out of the system until they hit high school....it is the best thing I ever did...

teachers are first and foremost humans with all the same characteristics...where you have professional..you will have incompetence....where you have kindness...you have belligerent...ect....

your daughter has a crappy teacher.....you have my condolences....

Answer 9

Of course I'd be mad. She's lucky you didn't right hook her....I would've. Maybe you should take it higher like to the principal or a guidence counselor. My son is a little over wieght and the kids pick on him constently. One day he hit a kid because he told my son that he was so fat because his fat *** mother was too lazy to help him out. And my son was the one to get detention. He's in first grade, they gave him lunch detention and the other kid got off scott free. I took it to the school board because the principal wouldn't help me. I hope you can get your problem resolved, good luck and tell your daughter not to worry that kids are just jerks.

Answer 10

I can understand how you feel.
Last year, when Qisty was 5, she was bullied by a couple of her classmates. They ignored her and didn't wanna play with her. Qisty told me a couple of times she was scolded and shouted at in class by those 3 girls. But I thought nothing of it. Maybe she's just exagerating it. Every morning when I sent her to school, I did saw those girls telling my daughter to move to the back as they wanted to be the first in the Q. I wasn't happy. But I kept my cool. To me, they are just kids and that's just one of those squabbles between kids.
One day, Qisty was reading her storybook in her bedroom after she came back from school. She was laughing her way as she read and suddenly she covered her face with the book and cried and saying "I don't wanna go school. They dun wanna friend me... they dun wanna play with me." I asked her why and what had happened? She told me how she was bullied in class by those girls. I told her to just ignore them and I knew she's depressed and is dealing with emotional turmoil. It hurts me. But being an adult who just never wanna get involve in kids squabbles like my husband told me not to, I just told Qisty to just ignore them. And couple of days later, when I sent her to school, she was first in the Q and this girl scolded and shouted at Qisty in front of the whole class and her wrong move, she scolded Qisty in front of me. That's it! That was the last straw. I came over to Qisty and told the girl off. And I met her teacher to tell her the story.
From then on, I felt so bad for not taking any actions when Qisty told me her story earlier. It took me 7 months to react and she had to endure with all the emotional turmoil and embarrassment caused by those girls in her class for 7 long months. Her teacher didn't do anything abt what happened and I changed my girl into another class which she was very happy with. My girl is the sort who never like to complain unneccessarily. That was the first time she complained and I hope will be the last :)