My Parents Won't Let Me Be Independent?

Question

I'll be 26 years in 4 months, I work and they still tell me what do do, where & when to come home, etc. I know I stay under their roof and I ought to respect them, especially as I'm not done with school yet and they pay for my fees. But when I do anything contrary to their thoughts or decisions I'm disobedient & stuborn. They complain when I come home late which is not even everyday, and is usually 9pm at most! Yesterday I was home by 8pm and my mom knows I was from my BF's place, and she says he wont respect me cause we see everyday, I'm ruining myself and all that, is that true? They treat me like I'm still a child! I can't even sit comfortably in the house with my BF so I'd rather stay at his place to rest. Already they've made some decisions for me and they didnt work... and other times I unconsciously went in the opposite direction & did the wrong things . How can I let them know that I love them but I'd like to do some things on my own and make my own decision sometimes?

Just like Venus, my younger sis is in Uni, and so they treat me like I'm the younger one (they always have anyways but I dont blame her).They made me change my Uni cause they didnt want me to stay far from home, but I didnt get an offer from the one in our town, thats why my schooling has taken so long. They even tell me that my younger sis is more responsible than myself, and it makes me feel really bad. I still cant drive cause they dont have 'time' to teach me themselves & wont let my brothers teach me (I bought a drivers permit 2YEARS AGO!) Meanwhile all my friends are either working or married, and I have a complex cause they're so AHEAD (I have a diploma though). I cant even go see the few friends I have without a complaint from them. I havent started uni yet, but I hope to this year (thats why I have to stay coz of fees :-)! ) Plus, I'm not dumb, cause I have a good result. But really if I dont get an offer agan I'll leave and keep working to pay off my fees: I work part time

Answer 1

I am sorry and I feel your pain far away. You are living with your parents who always think that you are 6 years old even though you are older than that. I urge you to try to move out as soon as you can. In my opinion, I do not think you can say much since you are still at home and they are paying for your college. They will make sure you do what they say. They may not realize you are over 18 years old already. In America I can not say much about my daughter and I want her to be independent and grows up. What about trying to finish you school as fast as you can and try a part time job instead of seeing your boyfriend everyday. Your problem is about 2 generations crashing and communication broke down. You need to negotiate with them about your privacy and freedom. In my personal opinion, it is going to be hard and they may be from the old country. So try to see what is the best and talk to your boyfriend about your next move and see if he can help you after you finish school. Good luck and I am sure many kids are in the same situation like you. I wish you the best of everything.

Answer 2

Usually I support people staying with their parents, but yours are a bit out of control. I came from an overprotective mother, but it stopped when I graduated h.s. When I move and it doesn't work out, I go back there because it isn't like that, I am 27 btw. I don't think you can do much without making it rough on yourself. 9 is definitely not late. My mom still goes out later than that (in fact more often and later than I do). Just assert control over your own life and decisions. Maybe show them why and what is best for you almost like you would prepare a report for school or making a business proposition. I also take it you are not far enough along with your bf to move in with him.

My condolences.

Answer 3

Try to stay at home until u finish your education then when you've finish find your own place it's hard out there and if your parents r paying for u to do what u wont to better your self you should be thankful. The other thing I would suggest is to talk to your parents and let them know how you feel and the other thing is 9 pm is not late your parents probably just don't like you bf or they just don't wont there little girl to grow up.

Answer 4

You really need to let them know how you feel, tell them you feel that they are not giving you enough freedom. See what they have to say. You need to sit down with them and just talk about whats going wrong, but stay calm about it otherwise neither of you will sort anything out. Is there a reason why they feel like this? you need ask them

Answer 5

I feel like I'm in the same boat as you ! I've felt that I've never really been able to do whatever I wanted, WHEN I wanted. :( I feel that my Mom still treats me like I'm not the oldest even... like my 22 yr old sis is the oldest. (I'm 27) I also feel like she treats our 18 yr old sis like she's older & more mature than me too !!! :( Even our 14 yr old sis treats me like I have to tell her what I'm doing, when I did it, where I'm going & when I'm gonna be back !!! She's living w/ ME yet ! (Then again... I don't alwayz end up sleeping here... I sometimes end up falling asleep @ my bf's place...& she doesn't like that cuz she doesn't like to be alone.) Try talking to them. I talked to my Mom so I dunno what good that's gonna do... Maybe you need to prove something to them. That's what I think that *I* gotta do... but I don't know what that is... I don't know how to get my Mom to take me more seriously... The 22 & 18 yr old have matured b/f me... or something. The 22 yr old has 1 more yr of coll & the 18 yr old is in Uni (She feels like she's passing me off). They also had bfs & lost their virginity first & drove/got their licenses first.
EDIT: Maybe ask for some leeway once in a while & gradually try to increase it... :D I don't know how this would/could apply to ME tho... :s

Answer 6

that's just sick and wrong. Move out, become independent. Stop relying on them for a roof over your head and your education. Or be more appreciative and realize that you probably could not provide those things for yourself on your own. It's really up to you. Which do you want more, your education paid in full and a roof over your head, or your independence. We can't always have our cake and eat it too.

Answer 7

You cannot be independent and dependent at the same time. If you want freedom, move out. If you want free room, board, and tuition, you must abide by their rules. You are an adult. Make your own decision, and quit crying.

Answer 8

After attending to well known what self reliant study classes are available on your section you should write up a idea and modern-day it for your father and mom. you should tell your father and mom what's for sale and the advantages of each and every application. you may also write up a freelance to expose your father and mom what you're promising to do on your section. This mature thanks to attend to it really is going to electrify your father and mom into thinking allowing you to do self reliant study. My little ones are on self reliant study and there are instructions obtainable in our section for the tricky instructions so it works for us. solid success.

Answer 9

unfortunately living under someone elses roof,you must abide by there rules,whether that is your parents or others.while you are in there house you need to do as they have asked for them to leave you alone and for you to show you totally respect and love them.when you are eventually in your own houde you can choose to live life as you wish,only having yourself responsible for your successes and failures.good luck and hope all goes well.

Answer 10

let him know that you are old enough to have your freedom and tell him that you can do any thing out side the house and back home in the fixed time.