fighting has to stop?

Question

I have had it!!!!! I want to paddle my kids so hard. I really don't know of a punishment to fit all of them and get my point acrossed I need some help! OK I have 4 children 16,13,11,10 I work part time so some time the kids are home alone and other times their aunt is here. It never fails wheather im gone 1hr or 4hr the kids fight fight fight fight , hit each other, you name they have said it to each other . Hurtful things I have always told them that when they get older they will be thankfull to have each other, but i'm not so sure. im not real happy with my boys hitting their sisters because they are girls(you never hit girls)responce to that is there our sisters its not the same! I want to find a punishment to fit the crime and make them work together to get their freedom back My first idea is put them all in one room and make them learn to live with one another with out fighting, sharing and helping one another ther room would have mats on the floor with pillows No tv no cell

Answer 1

Where's dad? Usually a child feels more threatened by the father. Even though at my house grandma was the one who disciplined, you know the type. The old timer, the old ways. But, still I was hurt more if I was to get into trouble w/my grandpa. Disappointing the male figure hurts a little girl, I see that w/my daughter, and her dad. I can get on to her and she hears me...but if dad gets on to her she's upset! I can't say for the boys?
Country girl raised by her grandparents.

Answer 2

My girls used to fight continuously when they were 6 and 8. Now they are 8 and 10 and hardly do at all. Here's what I did. and what I still do when I need to,

If I hear any fighting, yelling, crying, threats, door slamming, any of that crap they go to thier room. I don't care who's fault it was or who started it. They both go. and I don't let them come out until they are ready to apologize.

It was tough on me at first because I had to stick to it, that's not something I'm really great at. Also I had to stop letting one manipulate me all the time, that was kinda hard too. But they learned that I was done dealing with their fighting all the time.

Answer 3

When my brother and I first started to be left home alone we would fight every now and then. We were roughtly the ages of your two youngest. My mother never found out about it.

Some random thoughts...

Physically fighting is not something to be tolerated in kids any age, but especially not as they get older. If you know they've been fighting then everyone should get a consequence, which it sounds like you plan on doing. The fighters get in trouble for doing the fighting, and the kids who watched get in trouble for not calling you up right away to let you know or going to their aunt to let her know. Cell phones? Gone. Next offense? T.V. gone. If they all get in trouble together then they have to work their way out of it together. Definitely love that idea. You know your kids better than anyone and if you think taking away tons of privileges at once will work then go right ahead. But it might also be just as effective to take away the most important stuff and to stick to your guns. You have to play it by ear. But yes situations that they have to get out of as a group will help them learn to work together. I'm not sure if I'd stick them all together in a bare room right away though unless you have superhuman strength. I've had to break up teenage fights. It can be tricky and painful for you!!!

Fighting is also usually a sign that they're bored and getting on one another's nerves. My parents were ridiculously strict and we had a long list of chores and homework assignments that needed to be done before they got home... even in the summer time. Maybe the kids don't have enough to do to keep themselves occupied so they revert back to that time-honored sibling tradition of making a career out of annoying one another.

Maybe make it a rule that all homework has to be done by a certain time, and give them each a daily chore to do. It will cut down on the free time. Eventually adding a chore that requires some cooperation would probably be a good idea. Then they're all on the same "team."

A good carrot might be to consider enrolling them in after-school activities. There's tons of low-cost options available. Let them know that right now with they way they act there's no way they deserve the privilege. But if they shape up and show their maturity each of them can participate in an activity. It will give each kid some individuality and some time away from the siblings. And it will give you piece of mind that they are somewhere besides at the house tearing at each other's throats! :)

I hope these ideas help to spark other ideas. I am totally behind you with the idea of working their way out of consequences as a group. Just make sure you're not putting them or yourself into a more physically dangerous situation than you have to, okay?

Good luck! :)

Answer 4

well I don't know what is fair.. but here is what my dad did. We all got in trouble.. huge trouble. If he heard one disrespectful word.. if he heard one yell, one cry.. any fighting at all...we were all in trouble. Believe me, if we hurt the other... we apologized and tried to get them to quite crying and be quiet as soon as possilbe.. as for tale telling.. that was out! couldn't do that.. he was controlling, but I think there is some merit in that.. because it worked. We showed repsect to each other alright and not a mean word without an apology.

Answer 5

It is called sibling rilvary and you're not going to stop it. Point to the door have them go outside and fight it out. GIRLS included. Girls hit boys so boys should be able to hit girls back. As for the no television and no cell phones...WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE THEM? Have the earned them or were they just given to them? A television and a cellphone are not necessary for child rearing and are not basic rights of a child. A child's basic needs/rights are, a roof over their heads, food in their stomachs and clothes on their backs...as well as a comfortable place to sleep. Everything else should be PRIVELIDGES that they EARN and aren't handed to them because they say "I want that". THAT is where YOU blew it. As for the fighting...it's normal and all kids do it...except only children. Tell them to go outside fight it out and not to come in until they are finished or there are bones protruding through skin or severed areteries...That goes for the girls as well as boys...

Answer 6

whip them with an extension cord