rape victim?

Question

When my wife was younger she lost her virginity when she was raped. Due to our dual deployments to iraq we havent been able to be intament in over a year, so we have both declared ourselfs born again virgins. We will soon have the chance to see each other again and she sees this as a chance to erase her past and re-write her "first time". Any advise for me, as this is a subject that I know very little about. I'm afraid that this may trigger past memories and emotionsfor her.

Answer 1

as this will be her first time to "make love", be tender with her. treat her very special, lot's of foreplay, don't jump into the act immediately.

to set the mood, bring on some music (jazz/saxophone music usually works), light up some aroma therapy candles, scatter some rose petals on the bed.

And most of all, pay attention to her all the time. See to it that she is not hurting, but also, not getting bored.

Answer 2

Your wife had an act of violence as her first sexual experience. Be kind and gentle to your wife's emotions/feelings and she should be able to see that hurting/violating her is not what intimacy between a husband and wife is.

She should seek therapy for what has happened to her. There is no shame in doing so. She is a victim of a crime and probably has some residual fears form this. The trauma from being raped can lead to PTSD.

Answer 3

My condolences to you both firstly it must have been horrible for her to go through that then to talk about and for you to hear that. I think that is wonderful you have gained her trust and she feels comfortable around you. I can't offer you alot of advice as iv never been in both of yours positions but being a women I would take caution. Remember though she loves you and she feels safe around, you will both be thinking the same thing so unless she wants to talk about it dont bring it up but still ask if she feels ready to do this. Make it special for her perhaps dinner at her favourite restaurant first, scatter flower petals on the bed just anything that will make her feel comfortable and happy. I hope everything goes as you both want it to just rememeber she loves you and this is a new beginning for you both. :)

Answer 4

Rape is a viloent act, and you are her husband, and she knows that. If she says it is hurting then back off, she will let you know if she wants you to continue. RAPE is a violaiton of ones body, now men get raped too by other men, and they would know how it feels to be violanted, so just love her, and hold her, and let her know how much you have missed her, and how much you love her, and i am sure you two can take it from there. After all she did marry you and did that tigger her past and bad memories , back when you first were married.

Answer 5

You two would likely benefit greatly from a couples' thereapist. It will strengthen your marriage and heal your wife. If you are intimate, let her control the situation, and tell you if she's uncomfortable. Stop immediately, but still be loving and affectionate without sexual undertones. Healing is slow; it will take her instincts time to stop bringing back memories and to teach her subconscious that you're not going to hurt her.

Answer 6

tread with caution...but dont be too sensitive as to make her uncomfortable....perhaps make it a sensual evening with rose petals and scented candles. gentle music in the back ground perhaps. see if theres things that she likes and doesnt like, so that u know not to do those things. perhaps u could let her make some of the 1st moves so that it doesnt feel like ur goin to fast or pressuring her.

hope that helps!

Answer 7

Make it special for her,maybe some flowers and a glass of wine or dinner. Take it slow and play around with her, don't just wham bam thank you mame her!