i have been divorced from my abusive and irresponsible ex-husband for 8 months now and have adjusted to being the only provider and parent of my two great girls. i have graduated college and started my new career, decorated my new apartment and had a wonderful makeover. i'm doing well, except...
i am now ready to date again. i have no clue as to how to go about meeting men to date, or telling men gently that i have two children that mean the world to me. i don't want to date a man who has children, just a personal preference i have. is it worth looking for a decent guy who is willing to date a single mom? or will i be wasting my time? any advice to give me?
2007-01-18 15:54:34 · 10 answers · asked by Stephanie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
a couple of people have put me down because i would rather date a man with no children. i choose that because i want to date casually for the time being, and if a man has kids that i become attached to, it will make it that much harder to stop seeing him. it's one of those variables i would rather do without. but if a good guy comes along and has children, i am not going to opposed to dating him. my ideal situation is to date a childless man casually as to ease myself back into the dating pool. but who knows? my dream guy may have 10 kids, and i have no problem with that. but to date casually, i would rather a man with no children.
2007-01-18 16:16:35 · update #1
am so proud of you for being strong, and a great role model!
You have made wonderful choices.
You are going to HATE my answer, but it's given from one single mom to another who's been there (and still am!).
WAIT!
Wait until your beautiful girls are out of school, raised and 18 years old.
They have been through a horrible ordeal with the abuse and divorce, and don't need to deal with moms romantic life.
Your girls will feel more important to you if you wait, because your attention won't be divided.
They won't have to deal with drama from the boyfriends.
There will be no chance of them (GOD forbid) being molested by a man whom you trust... and I have seen it personally too many times!
They won't get attached to another man, only to see him move on when it doesn't work out.
I beg of you to at least consider my advice.
I have been there and my daughter has been very negatively affected by my bad choices.
Just wait a few more years until they are grown.
Focus on being the wonderful MOMMY that you have showed yourself to be so far...
Don't let a man come in and possibly ruin the good work you have done.
I know it's lonely, and it's nice to have some female friends you can count on... but it's worth it!
Good luck to you and your girls!
2007-01-18 16:01:59 · answer #1 · answered by my-kids-mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go date him. First off, you have to understand that in order to let love into your life again, you have to consider the risks that come into dating somebody. You open yourself to a lot of possibilities, perhaps a lot of beauty or a lot of pain, but that is part of the experience. If you are up to the challenge of dating and possibly love, then I suggest that you should go for it. There are no written rules and boundaries that govern people from dating and loving. So what if you have a child and was divorced? It does not mean that you can't be loved. Also, do not use your career and as excuse to not date guys because if you really want something, then you'll look for a way to do something about it. However, if your doubts and concerns overpower and prevent you from dating up until this day, then you are simply not ready for dating and love, which is understandable because you have undergone the rigors and pangs of divorce. Regaining trust and confidence to the opposite sex again after divorce is indeed difficult, so it is important to take all the time you need. To answer your final question, jump into the proverbial fire and test the waters to find out.
2016-03-29 04:10:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well of course it's worth looking honey...it's just a matter of where you're gonna look.....stay away from the whole barscene, who wants some drunken schmukk for the long haul? Try volunteering at your daughter's school, or anywhere for that matter, get involved with your church and if you aren't religious then just pick something....you'll find you're going to attract more men the more confident you are, so it sounds like you're off to an excellent start! Just make sure you know exactly what you want this time and do not cave in to loneliness.....that guy is out there who is going to love your precious girls just like they were his very own!
And congrats on doing so well....I too am a single mom of two very young children...haven't even picked out a new career to go with but your story has totally encouraged me! thank you!
2007-01-18 16:01:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mans side. Me and a bit of my friends (married now) when we were single had no problem dating women that have children. When you are a little older and single that is just how a bit of the women are. Just don't shove the lovely children at us. We understand they are your world and come first. Even nice to meet and see them if they are nice. What ever your hobbies are and you do for fun is where you met guys and ask or get asked out. It does not hurt to ask a guy if he would like to get a coffee (drink of what ever kind) or lunch sometime. Good luck it is not as bad as most women fret.
2007-01-18 16:04:13 · answer #4 · answered by ronnny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem to still have one issue unresolved. If you want a man who is willing to accept that you have two children. Why is it you refuse to date a man who may have children?
2007-01-18 16:09:56 · answer #5 · answered by pjvthatsme 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had that same problem too. I didn't have any luck with meeting anyone! So I decided to try Yahoo Personals. I know, it's kinda weird, but guess what? I found my husband there. Just be careful, they do have strange people there too.
2007-01-18 16:00:25 · answer #6 · answered by RiverGirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya one advice DON'T do the whole bar thing!
ask your girlfriends if they know someone they think will be a good match for you.
2007-01-18 16:00:26 · answer #7 · answered by Waythere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A decent guy for you is out there.
Check out grocery stores, department stores, bookstores, etc.
2007-01-18 15:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmmm, so you are a woman with kids but you don't want to date any guys with kids? how hypocritical that is
sorry, but i refuse to help someone like that
2007-01-18 16:02:31 · answer #9 · answered by zether 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
CREATE A MYSPACE....I WAS NOT EVEN LOOKING TO DATE AND I HAVE FOUR KIDS AND THE MAN OF MY DREAMS HAS NONE OF HIS OWN AND WE ARE HAPPILY EVER AFTER...
2007-01-18 15:59:37 · answer #10 · answered by just_curious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋