How do I deal properly with the sudden death of my Father?

Question

I went in to wait for him to get done a pace maker/defibrulator operation. One they said they had never lost someone from. When I went to see when he would be out they asked me to find my husband and told me he did not make it. I do beleive he was not healthy and it was his time but it is still so hard and I want to grieve healthy. How do I do this properly and do it healthy for my kids as well?

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear you lost your father, and so unexpectedly. It's never easy to lose a loved one, and there is no best way to go about the grieving process. At the moment you are still a bit in shock over it. There is nothing wrong with crying, and even crying with your children. They have also experienced a loss. So cry if it makes you, and them feel better. If you are religious, contact your spiritual advisor for guidance while you work through this difficult time. Once you are over the initial shock and can handle it, sometimes it helps if you find ways to celebrate their life. Talk over pleasant memories, share them with one another. As time passes, perhaps you can find other positive ways to celebrate his life. Since your father had heart problems, perhaps you can all get involved with the American Heart Association, as volunteers. Learn CPR and teach others. Whatever you do, allow yourself to grieve and don't stay isolated from the others in your life, especially your children. Family supports one another in good times and bad, and that's a lesson we do need to teach our children. They are used to it always being you doing the comforting, and perhaps now it's time they had the chance to comfort you in turn. That is good for them and you, so let it happen. Take strength from one another, share the tears, the memories, and even a laugh if it comes. Let it become the point where the healing begins, so the last memory is not one of pain and loss. Gather your family near to you, get spiritual counsel, and you will do okay. Eventually, you will all find your sense of peace, even with this trying time.

Answer 2

Whooo, my father died suddenly from cardiac death. It was a shock. I felt like everthing in the world stopped. There's no right or wrong way to deal. Take some time off work and your usual activities. Some people think that throwing yourself into the daily grind helps but I don't think so. Your father died and life is not the same. I would laugh, then cry, then be fine, then cry. All at different times. The weirdest things would make me cry, a news story where I'd think "He'll never know about that" then I'd cry. I allowed people to see me cry whenever it came raining out. My nephew, who was very close to "Grandpa" was never scuttled off to friends houses while all the friends and relatives came over to talk and grieve. We accepted countless meals (this made friends and family feel helpful). I felt angry when I would see other men walking around "Why are they alive and my father is dead?" I knew this was natural and not something to try to force back inside. It was hard to get back to reality. You really get the sense of the saying "Time marches on." Take it slow and listen to your emotions as they may change instantly. I'm sorry for your loss, I was close to my father....he left me here with the "two blondes" IE my mother and sister. I see him in my dreams sometimes, it's like a visit.

Answer 3

In my unproffessional opinion, there is no proper way to grieve, although there are stages that most people go through. Some of the stages are anger, acceptance,extreme sense of loss,guilt,, denial,extreme sadness, depression and many more.
You should either get some grief counselling or join a bereavement group where you can share your grief with others who have lost a loved one.It is not easy either way. I lost my parents years ago but still think about them.Try to remember the good times you had with each other.Also it was nobody s fault that he went when he did. It was God s choice.I will say a prayer for you, and go and see your doctor too if you cannot cope with your tragic loss.He may or may not prescribe some medication to help you.
God be with you!!!!!!

Answer 4

I'm getting over my depression and panic attacks through both anti-depressants (fluoxetine) and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I also have diazepam to fall back on if I'm finding something particularly nerve-wracking! I know fluoxetine takes a while to work (up to 4 weeks) and I think it's the same with a lot of anti-depressants so it may be that your citalopram hadn't started working by the time you stopped taking it. How are you getting on though? I find the CBT is helping but some things I can't do everyday as I don't have the opportunity (leading meetings at work etc). Good luck anyway. Pud xx

Answer 5

I'm sorry about your loss. As each person grieves differently, it is hard to give advice. But I think obe thing that does help is talking to each other, sharing your grief and the good memories you have of him.

Also, when I have been grieving, I need to keep myself in a good environment. No sad movies, no televisions dramas, no evening news. All I watched were comedies. I didn't need outside sadness to weigh me down any more.

I'd say that if you are spiritual, keep talking to your Dad. When you keep talking to him, it will make you feel close to him still, and I firmly believe he will be listening and happy that you are keeping him in your life.

It sounds like you are smart and in touch with yourself, so if you follow your instincts, I know you will get through this.

Answer 6

I suggest you contacting your local hospice center in your town because they will have free grief and loss groups. You may not feel like doing it but it changed my life. When my sister died I refused to deal with her death, instead I ran away from home, became an alcoholic, and refused to face life on life terms. A couple years ago my fiance died and I made the choice to take care of myself and the way I did this was going to grief and loss groups. You don't even have to share if you don't want to, just listen.

You can also find these groups at your local hospital. And if you need to talk you can send me an email or add me to your yahoo.
I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 7

just allow you self time to grieve and understand everyone grieves differently. Most importantly find someone you can talk to that you can share stories about you and your Dad. Sometimes family arent the best people for that part. Good luck and I am sorry about your loss.

Answer 8

My condolences for your beloved father.

We grieve not for death itself because it's inevitable rather we grieve because of the loss of someone's presence and the his fond memories that we'll cherish as long as we live.

I remember a scripture in a church that says something like 'Hear Yeh, grieve not for those who have fallen asleep but rejoice for they have finally met their Creator' and that's in Paradise and, laterw, those who were left behind will reunite with them who have 'fallen asleep' ahead.

To see death or loss of someone is to understand it in an enlightened perspective and prepare for the inevitable.

Answer 9

Greive, rember them, talk to your kids about it, and to quote a family meber "Never underestimate the importance of a good cry."

Answer 10

when you feel really emotional about it, ask your husband or someone close to you if you could just talk and/or cry. my best friends dad died from cancer a few years ago when she was 12. now, when she feels bummed out, i let her vent to me privately, and when she feels better, we start talking about something fun, or happy.
just remember not to bottle anything up. when you need to cry or talk about him, do it. you could even write things too. (or type, whatever)

hope i helped you
im really sorry. i hope you feel better soon
Resa~