am i being emotionally abused?

Question

i am 14 years old, i am yelled at constantly, told i will never amount to anything, completely ignored when i accomplish something, and my dad is making me get a job. this started when my mom died in august of '05, and its nonstop, constant, degrading, i dont remember a night since then that i havent cried myself to sleep, my brother also never talks to me unless he is yelling at me.... is this emotional abuse or am i just being overly sensitive?

Answer 1

awwe you poor thing. I am sorry that you lost your mother. I know that everyone is going to be telling you that Yes it is abuse and to tell someone that it is going on. I am not sure that it is abuse as much as it is bad parenting skills. Although neither "abuse" or "bad parenting skills" are excusable. They both are traumatic for a child. I believe that abuse is intentional. The person is saying and doing things to intentionally inflict pain. Bad parenting skills is when the parent thinks that what they are doing is right, they are doing it for the good of the child. I am assuming that your mother was the one who did most of the parenting when she was around. Now that she is gone your dad has been forced to play the role that she normally did and probably isn't very good at it. What you can try to do is talk to your dad. Tell him how you are feeling and how he is making you feel. Don't bring it up in the middle of an argument or when he is yelling at you. Go to him when things are ok, and say "Hey dad, I would like to talk to you about something important" Also say "If right now isn't a good time for you can we talk some time later?" and find out when would be a good time and just be honest with him when you do talk to him. Tell him how you feel and that you understand how hard it must be for him to take everything on that your mother use to do. It can be overwhelming for some men to have to take up the work a mother once did. Men often underestimate all the work that mothers actually do. If you just need someone to talk to you can email me. I hope things get better for you. Best of luck and take care!

Answer 2

You are definately being emotionally abused, and would be a good thing to speak with a school counselor, etc.

"never amount to anything" is the key that gets to me. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER you want to! And being degraded is not emotionally healthy either.

HOWEVER< getting a job is not necessarily a bad thing, can make you feel good about yourself, as long as your money isn't being taken all the time.

TALK to someone that can help: a clergyman, school counselor, or other trusted adult.

GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

What you describe is emotional abuse. Try talking to your dad about how you feel, and if he doesn't listen, try talking to a friend, parent of a friend or teacher/counselor at school that you trust. You shouldn't be treated this way, but I wonder if your dad hasn't changed a lot since your mom died. That is a major stressor and it sounds like he has lost some ability to handle things the way he normally would. Everybody handles grief in their own way, but no one should become abusive because they can't deal with their own emotions.

Answer 4

sweetie, they are probably not able to cope with their grief and frustration due to your moms death. That does not however give them the right to take it out on you. Perhaps you can speak to a consellor or a teacher at school. You are a minor and as such you have the right to protection if you need it. You should also try to reach out to your father if not speaking , through a letter and let him know that you understand his pain but that you feel it too and maybe you guys can work something out, be on the same team. Maybe your dad is overwhelmed with the responsability of 2 teenage kids to take care of...... still, he should NEVER be abusive to you so if you think that there's no hope he will change you may want to call child services

Answer 5

Sometimes when parents are hurting inside they don't know how to handle their feelings. Especially men. You're right you shouldn't be getting yelled at all the time. It seems that since your mom died nobody in your family are talking, just yelling. As adults and as parents, we MUST know better than to hurt our children no matter what we are feeling. Now, that's easy to say but VERY hard even for parents to show. Parents hurt too. Your father no longer has a wife. And you and your brother no longer have a mom. And yes; you should be recognized for your accomplishments. If your dad is being "distant" with you talk to your teacher, pastor,counsellor, any responsible adult that you trust. I had a daughter who died when she was just 18 days away from being 6. And it hurts me sooooo much I can't even explain. I think that right before you go to sleep, when you are calm, talk to your mother. She hears you, and she loves you. Even when you can't see her, she is always with you. I cry myself to sleep every night before I go to sleep. I understand your pain sweetie, I really do. Before I go to sleep I feel the closest to my daughter, that's when I let out all my hurt, all my feelings, and everything I would like to say to her. It's been 5 years now and every day is just as hard as the one before. Find someone to talk to that you trust. It really helps.

Answer 6

I lost my mom when i was 12 as well and it does make things hard for you. I am sorry that you are being yelled at and being treated badly. It has probably been hard on your entire family to lose your mom. I hope that things get better for you. Losing your mom at that age does make life difficult for you. Prove everyone wrong and show them you will amount to something. Stop crying and tell them to stop yelling at you. If you lived anywhere close i would take a broom to both of them and tell them to get off your back. Try to be happy. I am sending you my love girl.

Answer 7

What you described is emotional abuse. Your father shouldn't be doing that to you and there is no excuse. However this might be how he is dealing with your mother's death, by taking his anger out on you. My suggestion is that you talk to your school counselor and let them know that you and your father need some counseling. You need to do this. You need to feel safe in your home and good about yourself. If you need to talk you can email me or add me to your yahoo. But you need to let your school counselor know because this is something that can be fixed and things can get better. I know you don't want to continue to be miserable.

Answer 8

This most certainly is emotional abuse, heaped on top of a very painful loss. Your dad is clearly having serious issues dealing with his grief. I hope you can find someone that you trust enough to talk to about this. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 9

first of all, im really sorry about your moms death. in that sense, i know how you feel. my friends dad just died of cancer, and as much as she hides it, i know shes still feeling rotten. i was also really close to him, he was practically my second dad.
im sorry, but you are being emotionally abused. just remember that your dad and brother are still getting over it too. i would talk to a close friend about it. have someone close to you that you trust give you advice. im trying to think of advice, but nothing is good enough. i think someone close to you can give you the best advice.

im praying for you so you can have a better life with your family.

hope i helped
~a friend~

Answer 10

its deffinitly emotional abuse
the same thing was happening 2 me except wit my mom
dey took me out of da house nd now i live wit my dad
dis is sumthing that ppl take seriously nd u should talk 2 sum1 about it bc it aint good
but first try talking 2 ur dad about it and tell him how it is affecting you if he doesnt start to change then go 2 friends, teachers, and other adults