How do I convince my daughter to stop smoking?

Question

She just turned 18. She has picked up smoking, thinks it is a secret so far. I'm devastated, as my father died of lung cancer 6 years ago...and I was the one making the medical decisions. I don't want to have to do that eventually for her too. I'm so concerned about her health.

Answer 1

I'm not sure you can convince her to stop smoking.

Being 18, kids think they are "grown up" and can make all their own decisions now....

I would approach it like this:

"Honey, I know you are smoking. I want you to know that it is your choice to stop...or not. You know from personal experience that it is bad, as grandpa died of lung cancer. You know that it is bad because it even says so right on the box. You know that it makes your teeth yellow, your hair and your clothes stink, and don't forget that no matter where you go nowadays, smokers all have to huddle together out in the cold, the rain, etc... because smoking is prohibited in most all public places. Also, it's a dirty habit cleaning up all the butts in the ashtrays, and is an extraordinarily expensive habit to keep up. It doesn't make you cooler in any way shape or form...guys aren't attracted to women who have a "cancer stick" hanging out of their mouths.

"So, I can't make you quit. But I want you to know that it hurts me to see you do it...your grandpa died of it, and you know it is bad because you are hiding it from me....I could tell you were doing it, even though you tried to hide it.

"I want you to quit. You'll live longer, and be in better health.

And finally, "If you aren't going to quit, you are at least going to do it outside, and you are going to pay for it yourself. Because I don't want that stink and that mess in my house or in my car. And if you need money for smokes, you won't get it from me."

Whether she listens to you or not, is anyone's guess. Be empathetic, and listen. I hope you can get her to quit...I really do.

It may sound a little harsh...but it is a hard thing to address and not something to be taken light.

Good luck.

mslahispeedcable

Answer 2

There is nothing anyone could say that would have made me quit when I first started.The more they told me how bad it was the more I became deaf to their words, afterall my health was fine, I could still do everything I did before, so to me these comments meant nothing. It wasn't until my early 20's that I realized it was a problem I had no control over.(by then I had been smoking 5 years). All I can suggest is keep feeding her the disadvantages of smoking and the results of your health problems because of it. I have 3 daughters--2 smoke and both are in their 20's and are now trying to find ways to quit. Your answer sad but true is --time is the best answer here and hopefully she will become stronger than some of us and kick the habit. That could be something you could encourage?--Be better than your mom--kick the habit and take control of yourself because your mom couldn't. At least it makes my 2 daughters keep trying to quit, and that is better than nothing. Good luck, its hard being a mom sometimes and even harder to be a good one huh? God bless.

Answer 3

Coming from a smoker it's not easy to quit, Sit down and talk to her and tell her what you feel if this helps her change her mind about smoking then you did a good job, But remember she is 18 years old and is aloud to make her own decisions now and she may get mad in the end but at least you got your point across. She will learn after awhile that its not a good idea.

My grandfather died of lung cancer and I have been working to try to quit but stress makes me smoke more. But I'm back to tryig again.

Answer 4

You're her mother, and although she's 18, she's still not mature enough to make a lot of sensible decisions. So you must talk to her, even if it's to her back as she walks out of your sight! Don't lecture, just the facts and how you feel.
Especially important is to tell her that you love her and want her to not do something now that she will regret later, all for peer pressure or low self-esteem. Tell her you know she values herself deep down, and guess what? None of her friends care a hoot that she smokes, they are all looking after themselves.

There's really useful info for kids, teens, and parents here: http://www.quitguide.com/kids-smoking.html

Answer 5

I know it's hard for a mother to deal with, not from personal experience, but from looking at my own mother. I am 18 years old, and began hanging out with smokers. I was always the mean one who didn't allow smoking in my car and hated the way it smelled, but the more i hung out with my smoker friends, the more used to it i got. Eventually, i met this guy who smoked and i really wanted him to like me, so i began smoking. I am still with him over a year later, and we are both trying to quit. Well, my mother found out a few months ago, and i was so hurt at the way it hurt her. I knew she hated it, but i just couldn't quit. My best advice would be 1) talk to her about it but don't get mad or accuse, just tell her you are worried. 2) give her time, and keep encouraging her 3) pray pray pray and 4) try to find ways to keep her busy or unable to smoke. Like take her out for special dates just you and her (where she can't smoke) or encourage her to get more active (when you are out of breath, you can't smoke and the more you smoke when you aren't working out or anything, the harder it is when you do) My fiance has been smoking for almost 5 years, and the only way for him to quit is to run every morning, because the rest of the day his lungs won't handle the smoke and he'll cough and if he does smoke, it makes it harder for him to run the next day) i know as a parent you will want her to quit, but it's her decision and there's not much you can do about it, even tho i know you really want to. Just encourage her and hope and pray that she will realize what she's doing to herself and give it up. I finally realized it. It's not worth it.

Answer 6

Find as many pamphlets explaining the dangers of smoking and leave them in her room with a note explaining the pain you went through with your dad and how you don't want the same result for her. Also, go to the library and find a medical book that shows diseased lungs. I was shown some when I was a kid and when you see what cigarettes do, it's disgusting.

Answer 7

Does she live with you? Tell her you know she is smoking and you are very disappointed in her decision to smoke. Explain that the death of your father was devastating and now finding out that she is smoking is even more devastating. Tell her how much you love her and know that whenever she is smoking, she is taking years away from her life. Try this approach first. Thanks.

Answer 8

#1... don't let yourself be stressed over it. if it is in your control to help, then you have no need to worry, because you can do something about it. and if it is not in your control, then you still have no need to worry, because you cannot do anything about it.

if you are close with your daughter, talk to her about it. but make sure that you don't come down too forceful if you do talk to her, because there is a good chance that she would feel that because she is now 18, she can make her own decisions. influence her in ways that wouldn't get on her nerves, but don't lose hope in the situation.

Answer 9

Tell her that the only boys who will date girls who smoke are the worst type (cheaters, abusers) or none at all. It may work partly because it's true, and partly because it will convince her on a topic she _is_ going to worry about at that age.


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Answer 10

chic,

At this age the reasons that seem to touch them are:

Smoking constricts blood vessels. This condition leads to
1. Skin looking much older . . . .wrinkles, loss of elasticity, loss of ability to heal as well. . . . summed up: aging skin
2. This condition also leads to thinning of tissues, loss of moisture, and a shorter sex life potential, and loss of enjoyment whenever she happens to begin that chapter of life.

3. Smoking also leaves a stench that the smoker cannot smell due to the adaptation of olfactory sensors.

4. There is of course, health risks.

I hope some of these touch your daughter!