am i being emotionally abused?

Question

i am 14 years old, i am yelled at constantly, told i will never amount to anything, completely ignored when i accomplish something, and my dad is making me get a job. this started when my mom died in august of '05, and its nonstop, constant, degrading, i dont remember a night since then that i havent cried myself to sleep.... is this emotional abuse or am i just being overly sensitive?

Answer 1

This is verbal and emotional abuse and possibly neglect.

These are arguably the worst types of abuse because they are the hardest to prove.

When a child's arm is broken by his/her parents, that is physical abuse, but the ultimate outcome (what the child cannot recover from) is emotional abuse.

So, what your father is doing is like breaking your bones.

Words can hurt you.

Do you have a more loving relative you can live with? If not, you should talk to an adult you trust about what is going on.

I'm so sorry. I suffered similar abuse and I am 37 years old and still trying to recover from it.

At least you know it's him and not you. It isn't your fault he's acting this way. It's healthy that you know that!

Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 2

Sweet girl, you need to be loved, loved, loved, and your Dad can't do it right now. He's hurting too. However, he is NOT treating you right at all! You definitely have to get yourself some support and I mean NOW! This has gone on for too long and will take some time to repair the damage that your Dad has done. Talk to someone as soon as you can. Don't be afraid anymore. You need to do this for your sanity and safety. You are being mentally or emotionally abused and you deserve so much more than that. Good luck sweetie. You have made me realize that I have been so blessed in my life by being loved by both my parents who are still alive and I am 51 years old. My daughter is nearly 20 and I would hate to think that her father would treat her like this if I had died. get help tomorrow morning first thing. OK? I hope you can get a good nights sleep knowing that you aren't being overly sensitive and that so many people on YA have answered you with their support and love. Say your prayers!!

Answer 3

Well, you are being abused emotionally. It is hard to narrow down the correct answer considering that you did not state if your father has been dateing again or not. I would however recomend that you ask your dad or try to speak to him and let him know that greaving over your mom is an sensative issue that will linger even into his new relationships and that work problems should be at work not home. Easier said than done. In the other hand he may be trying to negative phsycology to motivate you to get off you but and do something because he is trying to let you know that you may not be around for some time later than 18 years old. Thus you will be indipendent. Your father may not feel comfortable having a new woman around you. So getting you use to becoming indipendent and not so co dependent may be his way of letting you know what to expect at 18. Ask your father to go to group session that involve love ones being gone. He may be having trouble (as what it seems) dealing with his grief. When you feel being degrated, let him know that is what he is doing, and that it hurts you. Not to do that because its not what your mother would want you to hear if she was alive. Speak to a councelor at school or your favorite teacher. Sometimes an adult needs to hear adult talk even though his children are telling him the same thing. Its not you, its him, and its how he is dealing with grief. By the way, being 14 years old also lends to having automatic new responsibilities. Welcome to young adult hood. Well, I was there once and I grew up with out a father, (he died long before) but dont get a boyfriend either until you settle his issues completely. This environment will sufficate your life and make you do choices you will regret. Speak to an adult councelor, a teacher, a coach, someone that is an adult preferably over 30 years old, because by that age, they are mostly gone through lifes ups and downs and can cope with real life advice. and get 4 to 10 advices not just one. Well, best of luck. Good luck.

Answer 4

It is definently emotional abuse.He is so upset and when he sees u all he sees is his wife ,and then he starts gettin upset and yelling at u,He might keep doin this till u move out of the house or it might get better it depends how fast he heals from the death of yer mom.And there is no problem of him wanting u to get a job.He just wants u to learn the way to earn money and learn how to be responsible with yer own money,Thats wata parent does.And my dad does the same thing.When ever i do something he still just passes by and critisizes my work evven though i worked so hard to do something to plz him.I dont know y hes doin that but there is something that u just cant explain.Maybe u should talk toa school counsler about this.Maybe they can help u and help u determine if yer desernment is right and that it might be good if u go live with another realative for a while.

Answer 5

damn sorry to hear about this. I take it your dad is the one yelling?

I'm not a psychiatrist or even a therapist so this is my unprofessional humble opinion.

My guess is that your dad is living in his own personal hell. Complete and total misery. And he doesn't know how to deal with it. So what he's doing is trying to push you away. So that he can be alone in his sorrows.

At the same time, you're going through your own version of hell. Between the situation with your mom, and what's going on with your dad you're under tremendous stress and living in misery. Seems that you're waiting for something to happen that would make the two of you reach out to each other to heal.

So my recommendation is this. Tell your dad that you want to talk to a therapist to help you deal with the loss of your mother. It should be covered by insurance so it shouldn't be a big deal. Tell the therapist what's going on and ask for help. If the therapist offers to call your dad to ask questions like "I'm trying to help your child and I need to understand the situation will you talk to me" then keep that therapist. Anyone who doesn't, well, find another therapist.

You two have a relationship disaster that can't be repaired without outside help. OK?

Answer 6

If I take your note at face value, yeah absolutely you have a miserable situation. However you are 14 years old, have had a very difficult year, your hormones are running amok, and very few children your age are emotionally mature enough to handle what is a difficult situation. Go talk to your school counsellor, pastor, or any other mature adult that you trust. You might also write down all your feelings on paper and see how you Dad reacts. P.S. Assuming your school work is doing well, there is no reason not to have a part-time job. Having a job is a privilage.

Answer 7

It's emotional abuse and that's definitely not right. You should get some help. I was physically and emotionally abused and I told the police after having dealt with it for 15 years. I ended up in a shelter and now I'm back home. I don't now if things will ever be perfect, but it's a start.

Answer 8

I think it is probably a little bit of both (you being overly sensitive + emotionally abused). You have to remember that your dad is going through a lot of hard times as well, he lost his wife.. the one woman he loved, so give him a break hun. Dont be so on him, and resentful, and pick fights.. cus that will just make him reactive and defensive. Like a lot of guys he's probably just trying to push down his feelings. Just try and stay clear of the big bear, and do your own thing. and hunny, try not to be so dependant on what people think, you dont need somoene coaxing you thru life, be independant! <3

p.s. for the record what your dad is doing is definitely wrong, and you definitely have the right to feel resentful at him for not helping you thru the tough times.

BE STRONG

Answer 9

There are several issues here; your father is probably doing this because he misses your mother so much. He more than likely is not aware he is doing this. Perhaps you should find a way to sit him down and discuss this with him.
You also need to be able to grieve but it's extemely difficult to do when you're constantly being psychologically abused.
You both need some help. If he refuses to discuss this then maybe it would be better for you to live with another family member until you both get thru this.

Answer 10

This is abuse. You should tell a counselor at school or someone, don't EVER let someone tell you you are worthless, or make you feel that way. Maybe you and your dad could get some family counseling together to work things out.Remember, don't let him get ya down, you are a good person.But, It's hard to do this alone, so ask someone for help, even if it's just a friend to talk to about things going on.