Can't defend myself?

Question

I have a sister that is 16, and 7 years younger than me...and I can't defend myself when we have an argument. It makes me feel helpless. She will say anything, and do anything to get her way and other peoples feelings just don't matter to her at all. Tonight she spent over 30 minutes begging me for a cigarette and when she started to realize she wasn't going to get one she started a fight. I get so that I can't stop swallowing, I can't find words, my ears turn red, and I sometimes faint...this is for all arguments in general. I guess I'm looking for how to stand up for myself when I can't even get a point across. How can I learn to fight back and get over whatever causes me to freak out so badly when i get into an argument? People have told me it takes practice, but in this family I get a LOT of that and I never seem to be any more capable of dealing with it and defending myself.

Answer 1

Do you live in the same household? If not, avoid contact with her. If she asks why, tell her that you don't want to spend time with her when she treats you so bad and doesn't value your feelings.

Answer 2

Ur a passive person which is good!, But you do need to stand up for your self!.. If you don't want to add fuel to the flame.. Just walk away.. Smile and Hold your Head High and Walk Away Laughing.. That shows this Lil girl basically that she in fact is just a Lil girl and not worth your time. She's the one mad not you so the joke is her.. I did it to my Lil sister alot and we only 4 years apart but when i would do that there was nothing she could do but just stand there all alone all pissed off for nothing! its rather funny i use to get a kick outta it. She don't bother trying to argue or anything with me anymore cuz she knows she's the one looking like a fool in the end Lol.. Try something like that.. Its not arguing its not negative. Its just showing who's the better, and smarter person by not falling into feeding there negativity.

Answer 3

Don't hang around for the argument. When she asks for a cigarette say no and leave the area. She continues to ask and beg because you've given in during the past so now she continues until you give her what she wants. If you're not able to get away from her you need to continue repeating "No, I'm sorry I won't". Try to get away so the argument won't escalate. She can't argue with herself. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Honestly I'd run away. But hey, if you must fight try to use that guy's momentum against him and try to get him to the ground. And given your lack of training in fighting you have to understand you have no hope of knocking anyone out, and that any fighting you do engage in is with the purpose of creating an escape route for you to run away.

Answer 5

It is not necessary to learn how to fight back. Learn to do the following:
When she is trying to start a fight or yelling at you, simply say: "I will not be spoken to that way." and walk out. If she follows you, keep saying: "I will not have a conversation with you until you have learned to treat me with respect." and keep walking away. Go to a neighbour's house, get in the car and go for a drive if you have to.
You need to teach her that the only way she will get anything from you is by showing some manners.

Answer 6

dont worry about it your better off. any time i was given out to i would start crying couldnt help it even if i didnt care what they said. i've got more confidence now so dont cry at every arguement unless really bad. you may just need to get more confidence but when your able to argue back in an arguement you say hurtful things and if your like me you'll feel bad afterwards. your sisters a teenager and just needs to grow up. she may be able to give it out but will she be able to take it. the best thing to do is to walk away and ignore her act not bothered and she will eventually learn your not going to take it anymore. If you argue back it just makes things worse. you should learn to defend yourself but with siblings its practically impossible to come out on top if you argue back. talk to your sister shes just probably taking all her frustations out on you so keep away from her when shes angry.

Answer 7

You could try an assertiveness training course. Check out the link below from Vermont University for some basics on being assertive and the benefits of it.

The second link has a few sites you can check out for further information.

Answer 8

dont feel helpless, im 13 and i have a 17 year old brother that always pick on me..its just how siblings are, they dont care, they want to feel good about themseles by picking on someone that wont fight back, just try and walk away, its that simple, you cannot show any feeling of madness, sadness, or depressness, somehow they know that they're getting to you and they'll never stop until you've finally broke down to nothing....

Answer 9

You need to get a backbone. She's 16. She wants to test everyone in the world to see what she can get away with!! It seems to work on you, so why should she stop? Get your girlie balls out and yell back. Do that once or twice to show her she can't step on you and she'll stop.

Answer 10

She's a talker and you're not, right?

This is just a suggestion, but try writing out a script for yourself. For example,

If my sister says, please give me a smoke, then I will say No, leave me alone and walk away.

And then let your no be no.

I think your sister knows that if she presses you, that you will cave. You may need to think ahead about what to say and do.

Best of luck to you-