we are both in our late 30s and make about the same amount of money.but 5yrs ago he went thru a nasty divorce which left him in debt.the reason being is he allowed his exwife to make him feel guilty about leaving his family so he gave her everything car,bank accounts,stocks,house plus a large child support payment.i feel this was his chose(except child support) and he should have thought about this before he allowed his ex to get the better of him.if i give him the money(which i could)what stops him from giving her more when she poors on the guilt trip which she does all the time.i know this makes me sound like a b-tch but how would you feel if the ex wife gets to go on cruises(on your bfs child support money) and your bf has just enough money to go to the next state with you? this really happened!am i a bad person because i don't want to fund her next trip?
2007-01-18 14:50:57 · 10 answers · asked by karen7neely 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Egads woman!!! NO NO NO. Keep your finances separate at least until you are married and then still keep them separate. 21K is not a really large amount of cash, but if you do give it to him pre-arrange some sort of payment plan. Then when he has a bunch of excuses as to why he can't pay you back, be totally prepared to accept that it is a gift and you are unlikely to see it again. Be careful, I find it odd he is asking for the cash at all!!
2007-01-18 15:01:39 · answer #1 · answered by grenter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you marry this guy, I'd let him pay off a good amount of that debt first.
What's going to happen if your marriage doesn't work out? You'd be out $21k plus other expenses that occurred during the marriage. If the guy then files for bankruptcy, you're screwed!
When you go to file your taxes, ask the CPA what the regulations are regarding a two income household and if it would have any effect towards the child support.
2007-01-18 15:00:19 · answer #2 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give him that amount of money. It is not solving any problems but creating one. Although it may not be possible to totally move on from the past because of his children with her, his past relationship should not be inflected on you. It will only cause problems between the two of you. Any financial support that you can offer should not be done until you are married and even then, he should be responsible for the majority of the debt, although I would help him a little. Giving him the easy way out will not help him as a person. And it will leave you vulnerable in cause things do not work out between the two of you. You can support him mentally and emotionally and then when you are married you can help him, but don't just give him that large amount of money.
2007-01-18 15:01:35 · answer #3 · answered by AmyLue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah no! No way should you give him the money if that's where it would be going. You are right to be hesitant.
I feel sorry for your boyfriend but like you said he made the choice.
I don't think that you should pay it off or feel obligated too. It is his debt and you shouldn't be burdened with it.
2007-01-18 14:58:49 · answer #4 · answered by K8tgry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married or not you're NOT responsible for his debts. If he pressures you some more tell him you want a pre-nup that the he does not get any of your money after getting married.
2007-01-18 15:00:28 · answer #5 · answered by cartiphilus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right. Don't pay off his debts, and even after you're married, keep your finances separate from his. He obviously has no spine and could ruin your finances along with his own.
2007-01-18 14:55:18 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, will you pay off my credit card debts. I'll marry you after he dumps ya.
2007-01-18 14:55:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
being in debt sucks. use this site to get quotes on debt consolidation. you'll be debt free in no time!
2007-01-19 10:36:12 · answer #8 · answered by super S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have no reason to pay her trip. so dont do it thats his problem anyway
2007-01-18 14:56:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make him pay himself, it is his debt, not yours.
2007-01-18 14:54:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋