I place my self worth in the hands of other people..help?

Question

I have always been the pretty/quiet girl and odd as it sounds people focus on me yet ignore me at the same time. Its like they like me because im pretty but think im too quiet as a person. Whenever I get dressed I may think I look pretty but I can't confirm it until someone else tells me I look pretty (specifically a man). I guys dont talk to me on a day When I feel good about myself then I instantly think its because im too fat/ or not pretty enough. Please how can I feel good about me no matter what anyone says. I want to feel good and be satisfied with who I am. I dont know how

Answer 1

Well, having pinpointed your problem is a good start. You seem to realize that anxious or negative feelings arise from a lack of compliments. You said this is your problem. Thich Nhat Hanh is a meditation specialist. He recommends that, when you are becoming worried, and your mind is spinning out of control with anxiety, for what you know is a illogical reason. Stop, and instead of being a part of what is being played out in your mind, observe your thoughts like an audience watches a play. You can hear your thoughts, but instead of allowing yourself to react to them, name them..."anxious thought," "Worried thought" This way you can see the bigger picture of what is going on, and over time it will help. Also, do something just for yourself. Something you can be proud of, and not need recognition for. Dont be so hard on yourself.

Answer 2

There are a few things you can do. Some of the methods are less innexpensive than others, and some are also less effective.

A psychologist or psychiatrist can help you. You should be weary when spending money on a shrink, because there are some bad ones that you want to stay away from. Another con of dealing with a shrink is that they usually recommend that you start on some sort of medication, which alot of times, you will not need.

Joining a Yoga class or a martial arts dojo can help you tremendously. Not only can a good teacher teach you how to stay fit, but he/she can also teach you how to defend yourself and also how to build tremendous self-confidence. The yoga class where I live is 10 dollars a class. Consistent practice will help you feel good physically, mentally, and spiritually, and with consistent practice, you will build a flexible and toned body. Instead of some dude at school telling you how nice your *** is, you have a professional yoga instructor at your side constantly giving you directions, compliments, and building your self esteem. After months of practice, you may only need the teachers help every so often, and you can continue to practice from wherever you want to.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are on the right track to fixing you head trip-asking for help.

You can change who you are...reinvent yourself. You dont have to wear the badge of "pretty girl". I always have to wear the "funny girl" badge. Well, Im not always in a good mood, so I decided to NOT be the "anything girl" and just be me.

You come in as you are, you live and learn and have to depend on yourself a lot of times-and how you feel about yourself is all on you, no one else.

Look in the mirror before you leave the house and say, "I look pretty good today". and carry on to be your best you. You cant worry about what other's think of you-if you only knew how much other's *didnt* think of you....you REALLY wouldnt worry about it.

Good luck...and dont look to a man for your reflection, look within yourself...