Can a woman ever feel happy wihtout the love of her mother?

Question

my mom became really distant when i turned 12 or so, I grew up without guidance, wihtout much affection & on top of this she was pretty manipulative. My home felt like a cardborad box, it felt cold, and also uncomforable cause I had to deal with mom and my sister.
I left my home feeling empty, Ive tried to talk things with mom to reconcile but she is in denial. Ive had to distance myself cause Ive realized she is not going to change.
Ive been offered some help by a couple of women who want to give me some guidance and afection and wonder if this people could help me get some of the parenting I didnt get.
And I wonder if I will ever feel joyful again cause my mom pretty much broke my heart.

Answer 1

I grew up a lot like you. It's your mother's problem that she did not show you love...maybe she doesn't know how. You can feel happy without her love. I always thought about it that you can't miss something you never had and that's how I coped with it. The way I coped with it as an adult is that I made a promise to myself that I would never be the kind of mother that she was and that I would always treat my kids the way I wish I had been treated. I was never abused by my mother really - it's just that I have no fond memories of her whatsoever and to me that is abuse in itself. You can feel happy without her love....don't let her continue to make you miserable. You have to live your life for yourself and you are the one who controls your happiness. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Im really sorry for your loss; and its a huge loss. I dont think anyone will ever be the same as "mom". They can step in, they can wish you were born to them, and they can SAY they love you like their own; but you'll always look back and miss her. Think you can resist looking back? Impossible.

Clearly, I have put a bit of emotion into this response, and I really wasnt gong to, but if I can help AT ALL, it'll be worth it...

I was little when my mother left me, and it was hell. For years, I felt COMPLETELY ALONE, nomatter who loved me, nomatter who wanted me, nomatter how much they seemed to care; it was HER that I wanted. I cried every single day for YEARS before the tears finally stopped falling for her (although they still fall for her from time to time). Its painful, and its unfair, and you wonder what you could ever have done that made her take back her motherly love and make me wonder if she ever really wanted me in the first place...

Im a mother now, and feel like Ive regained all that lost power BACK. I can give my children all the love that I never got, and the tenderness that I never felt. I can be there for them physically, emotionally, and otherwise, and THEY WILL ALWAYS KNOW how cherrished they are. They are to me as I am to myself; for the first time in my life, I realize that to feel any other way toward your child is sick....its just not right. It isnt natural. I can promise you one thing: its all her. Something with her isnt well.

Appreciate other people; take the love they offer, the support, the guidance. Be thankful for it, but no one will ever EVER be able to replace a mother. Just do things differently in your own future, and thank God you are smart enough to break a cycle.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I know exactly how you feel. I grew up the same way and although its saddens me to read that others have as well, its nice to know that there are others that can understand. I still really feel like my mom just does not like me and its hard to deal with. It often does feel like we can never be happy because we have had the one person who should love us no matter what in life in a way reject us. I was lucky to have a wonderful father, but really it just isnt the same. I feel that my friendships suffer because of the lack of relationship with my mother, i have trust issues, and often feel that im just not good enough. But when i had my daughter i knew that i was not going to make her feel like i did growning up. I was going to be a REAL mom. And in that i have found my happiness. Ive also distanced myelf from my mom because i know she will never change. If you have women in your life that are trying to help you, let them. its hard, because you dont want to let them in so they can hurt you like youve been hurt already. I know. Pray about it, and God will put people in your life that will help you!

Answer 4

Yes, you can be happy even if your mother fails you.
As an adult, you need to seek your own life now. When you find somebody who can help you, don't pass it up.

Answer 5

i know exactly how you feel. thank god for me i had wonderful grandparents. although your mother wasn't close to you, don't worry, it seems you have people who want to help you and it will get better.