they have been divorced for two years and she lost custody of her son to him. she lives from guy's house to guy's house and is running out of places to go. so, she is trying to work her way back with my boyfriend (which, if you know how he feels about her, will never happen). anyways, she bought him an antique gift from the 1500's....obviously not cheap. she wrapped it up as a "late christmas gift" and handed it to her son to give to my boyfriend (his dad). it was a razor (kinda personal) that he had been wanting for years. i think this was totally inappropriate. i think the whole "buying gifts for your ex and presenting them through the child" is innappropriate. me, being divorced with kids, will have the kids make something for their dad or shop at the santa's workshop at school for something small. THAT is appropriate. i am very bothered by their gift giving. he even got her a christmas gift! do you think this is innapropriate? should i express my feelings about this???
2007-01-18 14:09:23 · 15 answers · asked by Hello Kitty 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
he got her a shirt and a mood ring from the kid for christmas. nothing too personal. but he spent about $25.
2007-01-18 14:16:40 · update #1
yes, he knows what she's up to. but when he told me about the gift he was ranting and raving about how cool it is. makes my christmas gift look like horse ****, i guess.
2007-01-18 14:22:12 · update #2
You sound just a tad jealous. Let your BF handle her.
2007-01-18 15:43:59 · answer #1 · answered by kiwi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one because on the one hand you want the exes to remain friendly for the kids sake.
I think it so cool if two people can remain friends for their children's benefit after a divorce.
But when there is all this under handedness on her part then I have to say "No Way" to these expensive gifts.
Personally, I would tell my boyfriend the best gift they can give each other is mutual respect and support where the kids are concerned. Material gifts are not necessary and if they feel obliged to swap presents then it should be something they could use like clothes or gift cards.
Maybe you could even save your boyfriend the trouble this year and pick out a "great" Christmas gift for her, and send your own subliminal message at the same time. Nothing says you stink like a shower gel and roll-on. The joy in this kind of gift giving will have you satisfied and laughing for a long time.
My advice to you is not to take this too seriously because nothing drives a man away faster than a jealous women, and especially one who he considers petty.
You know he loves you and won't go back to her, so leave it at that.
2007-01-18 14:25:39 · answer #2 · answered by fizzents 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds so much like my life right now. My boyfriend has full custody of his daughter because mom is a mess, Child Protective Services took the baby from her. Her new husband is in jail for drug use and she is lonely so she feels the need to call and chat with him all the time. I know that things will change when she has a man in her life again so I try to be quietly patient.
I agree that the gift was out of line and I would calmly let him know how you feel about it. He should return the gift and explain that he feels like it was inappropriate for him to accept such an expensive gift.
Just remember that if she is truly trying to work her way back in then she knows she needs to cause trouble between you two. If you get into an argument with him over her then she is winning and that's not what you want. Men are somewhat ignorant to the way women go at getting things they want, but if you lose your cool then you are just helping her cause.
Be calm and be patient and state your case in a reasonable manner. Good luck.
2007-01-19 02:16:57 · answer #3 · answered by vickyc76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep! He's messing up!
It sounds like it's some kind of a 'game', that they both are playing. They probably think that it is a 'safe game'. You know what I mean?...but still a freakin' game.
It's been 2 yrs. and the guy shouldn't be spending a dime on this broad. Seriously.
You are so right about the appropriate gift coming from the kid to be something that the kid had taken care of at school. THAT would be the respectfull thing to do concerning your relationship together...as a couple.
Yep, yep, yep....this little broad is trouble. Keep her far away as possible. I know that you really can't because of their kid....but there are still lots of ways that you can take control of any situation that they may have .....well, as far as any 'extra' contact may be.
Just don't start being a real nutcase over any of it.....But....you still need to stay on top of things and not be shy when it comes to ...looking like..and feeling like..and ....being a fool.
Good luck to you.
2007-01-18 14:29:00 · answer #4 · answered by oodlesoanimals 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 Your not jealous you have a reason to be concerned when his ex wife is buying him gifts and he is buying her gifts as well.
#2 She is trying to butter him up so she wont be alone and so she can have a place to stay.
#3 Maybe your husband felt obligated to give her a gift since she bought him such an expensive one.
#4 She is obviously scheming and plotting to get him back. What she needs to do is get her OWN life.
#5 OH YES definitely talk to your boyfriend because if you dont it will nag and bother you. Also you are supposed to TELL your boyfriend the way you feel about things. Let him know that it was inappropriate and why. Ask him why he bought her a gift.
2007-01-18 14:22:52 · answer #5 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're obviously uncomfortable about this situation, despite the fact that you say "if you know how he feels about her" they'll never get back together. You should sit down and let him know that you feel that her gift to him was inappropriate, and that you feel like she is trying to get back together with him.
I'd not try to have him return the gift, as it was quite obviously something he really cares about having. Perhaps you would be wise to take a cue from this, and if you are able, purchase him gifts along these lines in the future, if you see a future with this man.
Let him know that in the future, you'd appreciate that any gifts that are obviously from her to him be returned - unopened. That way he doesn't fall into the trap of knowing that it's exactly something he wanted but not being able to keep it.
2007-01-19 01:09:18 · answer #6 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Girl, "Don't let your insecurities run him away from you!" Don't even try to corner him and get an answer about his feelings for you, as this may present yet another problem for you, especially if he decides to leave your pettiness ways. If he's with you then stop worrying about little things. Look towards the future if indeed it is being with him. Remember you are together based upon needs... not based upon a ball and chain principal.
2007-01-18 15:40:21 · answer #7 · answered by Ms-No-It-All 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the newborn help is in accordance such as your income, no longer hers. As for what her boyfriend does for her or what he will pay her is somewhat between her and the boyfriend and till you're an IRS agent, might want to no longer be a concern.
2016-10-15 10:35:20 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definetly out of line on the ex's part. Express how you feel in a calm rational manner and listen to what he has to say. Also I dont think he was out of line with his gift, he didnt go nuts or anything.
2007-01-18 14:24:17 · answer #9 · answered by nyoo1578 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously know what she's up to! Time to stand your ground!
I'm curious to know how your boyfriend reacted to the "late Christmas gift". Did HE think it was too much? Does HE know what she's up to like you do??
2007-01-18 14:19:29 · answer #10 · answered by Georgia Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with you. There should be no exchange of gifts at all. Other than the kids, there should be nothing happening between him and his ex, ........no gifts, no letters, no mails, no calls, nothing!
2007-01-18 18:08:08 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋