Worried about 16yr old sister.?

Question

Hey -

My 16yr old sister spent 6 months in hospital with anorexia. She has been out for about 7mths now, however I am still very concerned about her. Sure she has gained weight, however, she is still very unhappy, and refuses to eat food unless she has prepared it herself. Everytime I'm with her, I never see her eat, she only ever drinks from a water bottle that she carries with her. I know that she is her own person, and one day she may realise the extent of the damage she is doing not only to herself, but also to her family who are very worried about her, however it really hurts me to see her suffering so much, yet not being able to do anything to help her, as she rejects all of my attempts to reach out to her. Is it because she's only 16 and very hormonal? I understand the grips an eating disorder has on ones mind, but to what lengths does one go to help someone they love?

Answer 1

Here's some good links with great info:
This link includes info including signs, symptoms, who has eating disorders, and what causes eating disorders:
http://www.caringonline.com/eatdis/intro.htm#causes
This one has tips and info for what you can do to help someone w/ an eating diorder. http://www.caringonline.com/eatdis/helpothers.html ... Below is just a bit of info from it, I know I'm posting a lot of info below, but it's worth the read:

How To Help A Teenage Friend with An Eating Disorder
Experts say the peak time to develop an eating disorder is between the ages of 11 and 13. So, if you are a teenager, you may have a friend that has an eating disorder. Here are some tips on how to help a friend that you suspect has an eating disorder.

1. Learn as much as you can about eating disorders before confronting her. Be careful to not assume she has an eating disorder.
2. Tell her you are concerned about her and suspect she might have an eating disorder. Offer specific observations, like, "I heard you throwing up in a bathroom stall twice last week at school."
3. Suggest she be evaluated by an expert. It's doubtful she'll be receptive but it is important that you tell her. Offer to go see someone with her.
4. Hand her a list of resource numbers. The National Associated Disorders (ANAD) has a toll-free hotline [phone]). They provide counseling over the phone, a network of free support groups, and referrals to health care professionals. The National Eating Disorder Association has a toll-free Referral Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.
5. If your friend gets angry and refuses to talk about the problem, don't push her. End the conversation immediately.
6. Tell a professional (nurse, guidance counselor, coach, teacher) that you suspect your friend has an eating disorder.
7. Realize you've done what you can at this point. You can't force help on someone who doesn't want it.
8. Know that simply telling your friend you're worried, and that you love and support her, definitely matters! When she is ready to get help, you may be the very person she goes to. You can then share the contact information listed in this article.
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If you and others have observed behaviors in your friend or roommate that are suggestive of an eating disorder, you are in a position to help.

Make a plan to approach the person in a private place when there is no immediate stress and time to talk.

Present in a caring but straightforward way what you have observed and what your concerns are. Tell her or him that you are worried and want to help. (Friends who are too angry with the person to talk supportively should not be part of this discussion.)

Give the person time to talk and encourage them to verbalize feelings. Ask clarifying questions. Listen carefully; accept what is said in a non-judgmental manner.

Do not argue about whether there is or is not a problem - power struggles are not helpful. Perhaps you can say, "I hear what you are saying and I hope you are right that this is not a problem. But I am still very worried about what I have seen and heard, and that is not going to go away."

Provide information about resources for treatment. Offer to go with the person and wait while they have their first appointment with a counselor, physician, or nutritionist. Ask them to consider going for one appointment before they make a decision about ongoing treatment.

If you are concerned that the eating disorder is severe or life-threatening, enlist the help of a counseling center staff member, or a relative, friend, or roommate of the person before you intervene. Present a united and supportive front with others.

If the person denies the problem, becomes angry, or refuses treatment, understand that this is often part of the illness. Besides, they have a right to refuse treatment (unless their life is in danger). You may feel helpless, angry, and frustrated with them. You might say, "I know you can refuse to go for help, but that will not stop me from worrying about you or caring about you. I may bring this up again to you later, and maybe we can talk more about it then." Follow through on that - and on any other promise you make.

Do not try to be a hero or a rescuer; you will probably be resented. If you do the best you can to help on several occasions and the person does not accept it, stop. Remind yourself you have done all it is reasonable to do. Eating disorders are stubborn problems, and treatment is most effective when the person is truly ready for it. You may have planted a seed that helps them get ready.

Eating disorders are usually not emergency situations. But if the person is suicidal or otherwise in serious danger, GET PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY.

Answer 2

Club Penguin is like facebook many people at my school still go onto the website. Im 16 and my best friend went through the same stage. She thought she was fat so she wouldn't eat at school, or at home because she would tell her parents I'm not hungry I ate a big lunch. I went to the school guidance counselor who then called her mom. I talked to my friend after i went to the guidance counselor to warn her that her mother knew she wasn't eating here or at home. She was very mad at me at first, but she needed serious help. They took her to a doctor and she was diagnosed with anorexia and they said she was very depressed. It was a long road, but now she is healthy and eating and the happy person that I knew before. Talk to your sister and ask her if something has happened at school or with a boy. Maybe she will open up to you, but if it goes on any longer I would get some help!

Answer 3

Perhaps you need to show her the long term effects of anorexia/bulimia. I too went through eating disorders for several years. I got to a low of 100 lbs. I am now a healthy, although chunky, weight of 155, but I have had long term consequences. As a result of being malnourished and purging throughout my teen years, all of my teeth were removed a week ago. The illness caused periodontitis, and it robbed my teeth of calcium and the enamal wore away. I now have to wait 2 months for dentures, and will need implants to prevent bone loss in my jaw. I also sometimes have trouble keeping food down because of the years of starving myself, and get sick pretty easy. I smoked to keep weight off, and can't kick the habit still, and it's not pretty to have a smoker's cough at 23.

You have to go to whatever lengths it takes to help her get a grip, whether it's involuntary hospitalization or rehab. She is drinking water to fill herself up without eating. Also, throw out any magazines that feature skinny celebs and losing weight, such as Cosmo, Glamour, and anything of the like. I used to be obsessed with them, and now refuse to buy them.

Answer 4

I would suggest you talk to her and tell her about how worried you and the rest of the family are about her. But, being 16, that won't be enough. Get her to seek psychotherappy. Anorexia plays on the mind as well as the body. She has to learn to think that she is beautiful, inside and out. Also, take her to see a nutritionist. I have known an anorexic, and, even though they will always tell you they are eating, the fact is, you will not see it. I never did. She must seek medical, nutritional, and psychological help. Best of luck to her, and the rest of your family for trying to help her.

Answer 5

go to the length that is needed.

i was about 15 and new not one thing about any sort of eating disorder however someone i knew had this. A friend of mine
asked me to come to his house after school . i went when we got there his sister my age also was going into the house.
she was good looking blonde cute all of that.
anyway i didnt know her really i new her name and that was it .
her brother my friend asked me if i thought she was fat.
i said no if anything she could gain a few pounds. he asked me to go inside and talk to his sister and tell her i thought she should gain some wieght. now that was an odd request but i did it
i sat down beside her and told her what i thought . again i knew nothing of this eating problem . that girl cried and hugged me and cried some more then she told me her hole story and well for the most part a girl at school had bugged her about her wieght and this she said set her off on this not eating idea. i didnt really know the girl who told her that but i did know that she had been abused in her home and had low self asteem . anyway the point of all of this is that this girl hearing from me a guy she didnt really now sent her on the path to recovery . i later learned it didnt hurt that she had a crush on me and so was interested in what i thought
but maybe your sister might benifit from someone her age a boy
who knows nothing about this doing what i did .
i think part of the key to this success was that i was really just stating fact and none of what i said had anything to do with knowledge of this problem she had. so in other words it was total truth.
long story sorry but i hope she gets better and yes you are your brothers keeper .

Answer 6

Anorexia is something that is mental not necessairly physical. She needs to be in psychological counseling that deals specifically with this issue. There are programs that are successful, however expensive. She needs to get a realistic view of her body, she does not have one.

Your family should go into counseling together as a group with her to see what lies under the other issues that are troubling her mind.

Answer 7

Your sister needs ongoing treatment. You can not be her counselor or therapist or her doctor. You should learn all you can about the disease. Your parents are responsible for your sister until she is 18. They should get her the professional help she needs. This is a serious disease that requires ongoing treatment. You need to focus on your life and be the best person you can be.

Answer 8

Someone who loves a person very much doesn't have any lengths and will keep trying to help them no matter what they do. Hope your sister gets better take good care of here do whatever you have to do to get her better.

God Bless and Good luck.

Answer 9

this is a horrible horrible disease!
it may hrlp you if u write a letter to her saying how much you love her and why its important to you that she gets better. add a list of everything you love about her.
waittill she comes to u after u have given it to her, and then use the opportunity to ask if she needs to go back to hospital.
also find a support group or counsellor that you can talk to, to keep ur self sane.
hang in there, and dont be scared to ask for help.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry for what you are going through at this time. My Prayers are with you and your sister that She become healthy in both mind and in body. It is Hard to stand by and see someone going through what your sister is going through. Just be there for her no matter what. I can give you no better advice than to just remain there for her no matter what. When she is ready, hopefully soon, she will reach out and will be happy that you stayed by her side no matter what. I will pray for continued strength for you and that your sister realizes soon that you really want to help her through this.