Your children are adults and moved out, how do you measure whether or not you were a good or bad parents?

Answer 1

Just 'cause the kids are gone doesn't mean your job is over. I found I needed my parents most as an adult... Some ways to evaluate:

***Are your kids responsible for themselves even their mistakes?
***Did you teach responsibilty?
***Are they sucessful in things like money management, relationships, at work in school???
***Do they respect others (people & property)?
***Can they be empathetic? (understand & feel sympathy for others in situations they may not have experienced)?
***Do they contribute positivly to the community or society?
***Do they have remorse over having done wrong?

Education can be had by most, even major criminal can get through college!! What have you taught them about the way the world works and how to make a change for the better!!!??? If you loved them & disciplined them (not beat them) I am sure you did fine & one day they will thank you!

Another thing - The choices they make as adults do not always reflect you... They are an adult capible of making good or bad decisions? At that point it is not your responsibilty it's theirs!

Answer 2

First of all, they're out of the house! :) I had to stay with my parents through leaving my ex, my pregnancy with my first child, etc. It seemed like I was going to be a burden on them forever. My parents didn't give me a whole lot when I was a kid, I had the basics and a few extras. I was taught to earn whatever I got, in one way or another. They were really hard on me when it came to discipline- I got it handed to me! I am only 21 but I look back to them and am SO THANKFUL for all of thier love and support. It was tough love, but well worth it. I am such the better person because of it. If you don't question that you are good people, then don't question whether or not you're good parents. A little piece, if not alot of you, is passed on through the way you taught them. If there was a way that I could EVER repay them, I would do it in a heartbeat. Don't judge them by thier actions - I didn't fare too well, and my decisions weren't the best, but I know I'm a good person. My parents were a cut above. If you can take a step back and get an honest look at them, then judge, I suppose. But thankfully you are asking this very question - you are an awesome parent to want your kids to reflect the best part of themselves and you. It sounds like you are a very aware, sensible and caring parent who has instilled these values in your kids.

Answer 3

there is no text book to follow and even if there were, no child is exactly the same. there is no perfect parent as well as no perfect child. U did make mistakes and many just like all parents, and u did many amazing things just like all parents. U raise ur kids with the best of ur ability with the resorces u have and pray to God u did a good job. Kids grow up and make their own choices wether good or bad, they do the same things as u did as well as make changes to what and how they were raised. They have kids and the cycle goes on. U cant blame urself if ur grown up child gets in trouble when u know u taught them the difference between right and wrong. U cant blame urself when hard times hit them and they struggle. that is life. it happends to us all. Im sure u were a wonderful parent but let them use the things u have taught them and make their OWN choices even if its something u may not agree with. U never know they may start a new tradition that is better then ever. Give advice yes in a nice way but all in all they are grown up. they will always be ur babies and it is hard im sure, but life is a never ending learning place. They will learn new things nd hang on to the things u taught them. Dont worry.... u did GREAT!!!

Answer 4

If you did the best you could with what you had then do not worry about it. Even if they are having problems now does not mean that you were a bad parent. They could have got into a wrong crowd, been around the wrong people, how could you prevent this. Please, do not worry about it. It is done, and you need to go on with your life. I have seen what I thought were bad parents and the child or children were great and vise versa--so you were a good parent but your children have problems . Life goes on. Good luck.

Answer 5

They moved out - that is how you measure. Kids that continue to live at home to sponge off mom and dad are a bad reflection on the parents not the ones that grow up and on.

Answer 6

I have one grown son, he's 28 with a wife and two children.

I say I was a good mom, or he turned out okay in spite of me! He's responsible and respectful. He has a good work ethic. He's fun to be around.

Mostly it's speculation. There are things I still feel guilty over if I let myself. You should concentrate on the positive aspects and if it helps, apologize for things you feel guilty for.

I did that with my son. Just hearing him say, "Ah, dang, Mom! I think you are a great Mom!" was all I needed to hear.

Answer 7

If they are living productive normal lives and are not alcoholics, abusive lovers or parents, or in therapy evey week, then you did an adequate job raising your kids. Just the fact that you're concerned tells me that you were most likely a very good parent.

Answer 8

Are your children happy, productive and content?
Do they treat others with kindness and respect?
Do they have a good relationship with you?

If the answer to these questions is yes, then I'd say you have done your job well.

Answer 9

I recently left home to go to college and when my mom asked if I missed her, I told her not really.. She was insulted. I told that she should look at it like I did a good job because my youngest daughter can go 1200 km away and take good care of herself.

I think you should look at if they are independent, good people, and can take care of themselves! You are a good parent!

Answer 10

you must have done something right since they moved out and are living on their own. they know how to take care of themselves, thats the most important thing you can teach your child, and thats what a great parent does