the situation is, i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and we are stable, comfortable, affectionate.
I have met a man online, not even in a flirting situation to begin with ( he had a girlfriend, never intended to cheat or even flirt neither did I) we both said from the second we started talking we weren't single and had no intention of cheating or even 'chat cheating' but, ..from the very first day we spoke, we couldn't stop thinking about each other. I know how silly that sounds. We have been talking for hours and hours on the phone every day, and plan to meet (we can't not, we feel) the trouble is, I can't choose. Do I go with the man who has given me stability, albeit not very exciting, for the last 5 years, or give it all up (with all the mess and disruption that comes with that) for someone who i love and who understands me and vice versa, I mean on a level I've never had before..but with the risk that it might not work out? I've never been more confused! I love him!
2007-01-18 12:01:21 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
chuck your bloke!!!!!!!!!! i know this sounds like irresponsible adive from a very young person (i'm 18) but u just said the 5 years werent exciting but there was stability! what is he...your mother?!?!?!?! do you really want to live your love life like this!?!?!? YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!!!!!! just make sure this internet bloke isnt a pyscho!!!!!!!!! be safe! you've got to take risks....and you're more likely to regret the things you didn't do than the things you did do......and if it all goes pear shaped with internet man well i dont think it really matters because you're obviously not very happy anyway............good luck!!!! and remember....no regrets! what you have found with internet man sounds amazing ok it could be different in real life but you've commented that you've never felt this way before..............sounds to me like u were never really in love with your man anyway really........just go for it!!!!!!!!!!!! and don't blame me if it all goes wrong lol......but im sure it will all turn out for the best anyway.....you'll regret it more if u dont go for it! don't live your life with 'what ifs'..............
oh yeah dont worry if you end up alone anyway don;t u want to aim for somehitng perfect in your life? why not aim for the best! and dont worry about being single we were bought into this world alone and to quote mike skinner believe me you'll die alone...so don't depend on another people!!! do what makes u truly happy! sorry i've gone on a bit!
just do what your gut tells u!
2007-01-18 12:23:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do understand -- really!
But I have to tell you, it's just an infatuation. It happens. The mystery, the secrecy, the excitement of it all gives it a powerful attraction. And secrets kill relationships.
And think about this: If you two killed your existing relationships then this new one would be started on the hurt you have caused others and that's not good.
Existing relationships don't survive unless you put something into them, they can run down. All the effort you're putting into the imaginary relationship, you could be putting into the real one, and making that exciting and new. (I'm not talking "interesting sex", just things like surprises, new things to do, talking to each other, going for walks, stuff like that.)
Well, you have two choices. Look at the consequences of each, be completely honest, add up and compare all the good things that will happen and all the bad things that will happen. And make your decision.
When you've done that, you must be honest with both sides and say what you've decided. And then stick to it.
Either way it will be hard. I don't necessarily mean you should take the path of least resistance, but you do need to decide and then really carry it through without lies and deceit.
Good luck.
2007-01-18 20:59:26 · answer #2 · answered by replybysteve 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmm tough one. You cant be to happy with your b/f if you have are having thoughts feelings for someone else! Do you think you can forget this other person? I would suspect not, this will eat at you! May be meet the guys see how it goes? If things seem like they are going to move forward then tell your b/f spare him the hurt later on. Also look at the fact do you want to live with regrets? probably sooner or later you and the b/f will split as you are now looking in a different direction. Life is all about taking chances some you win some you lose, but unless you try you just end up plodding along... on and on, unhappy and full of regrets. Get out there live a little?
2007-01-18 21:13:33 · answer #3 · answered by djp6314 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about you look at what attracts you to the guy off the internet? If you still love your boyfriend, then try to incorporate those things into your relationship... often its really hard to keep the spark going, and chances are the guy from the internet has reignited yours... but that doesn't mean you have to leave the guy you're with, just try to make the relationship you're in as exciting and interesting...
its probably best if you have a serious chat with your boyfriend discussing what you've written in the question (leaving out the other guy) and ask him if he feels the same... you might find you both feel like you're stuck in a rut, and all you need to do is start the passion again...
as to your boyfriend understanding you.. its much easier to be open with a stranger, which the guy from the internet is to you... thus it seems to be far more understanding etc... but have you really opened up for your boyfriend recently and told him your thoughts and feelings? give it a go, you might be pleasently surprised..... good luck...
2007-01-18 20:32:48 · answer #4 · answered by muppet 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate on how you feel about your current boyfriend and try not to let this new guy influnence your decision. If you feel that the relationship is not worth continuing then break it off regardless of whether you will get with the new guy or not. You will only be happy if you take risks and should not hang on to a relationship for the sake of not being alone. Maybe you should be alone to figure out what you want.
2007-01-18 12:12:28 · answer #5 · answered by Starkitty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont do it, stick with what you know. Its hard i know when you find what you think is your soul mate online but you dont really know anything about him,only what he wants you to know. If you dump the guy your with and he doesnt finish his relationship you'll find yourself alone and wondering is the guy you lost really that bad? has he cheated on you? How would you feel if your current guy was thinking same and running off with another female from internet? You wouldnt like it and it would really hurt. The internet is a powerful toy, anyone can make you feel good about yourself and make you think your current guy not as romantic as before, dont all relationships tend to go this way?Try and make your current life more fun, get away from pc for a while and concentrate on making current relationship work.
2007-01-18 12:12:00 · answer #6 · answered by Michele 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old you are but you obviously need more than you are getting, talk to your Boyfriend, as he is still only 'boyfriend' not even a capital B after 5 years I would say your relationship with him has run its' course. But as you have only ever spoken to this other guy, I would not get your hopes up, he is in a relationship and willing to cheat on his partner, that does not look good for you down the line. End the stale relationship but don't jump in to this new one with your eyes closed or wearing rose coloured glasses.
2007-01-18 12:27:40 · answer #7 · answered by Grey Silhouette 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
stay with the one your with....why put him through hurt because of you, or at least do the decent thing and leave him before you go cheating on him, he's the innocent one here....don't be cruel...he does not deserve it, and considering you both said that you would not go any further with each other, your already thinking about meeting him, you know what you want to do, but for the sake of your boyfriend, spare him the grief and leave him, then your free to do what you like....if you had a conscience, you would not even be thinking about going behind his back and you would forget all about this other guy and be truthful to your man....if you go behind his back then your not worth a carrot
2007-01-18 15:50:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
So far you have asked this question 6 times, using different word, in the last month. I think that any man that gets you would be luckier playing russian roulette with 5 bullets in the gun. So leave the boyfriend (make his life) and don't bother with internet man. Get a cat.
2007-01-18 12:40:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
people can be very different in person u sound like u know ur other half it may not be exciting all time but what can u expect after 5 years i wouldn t go near the bloke online he could be any one
2007-01-18 13:01:57 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋