Rape/STDs?

Question

So...

I was raped 3 months ago. By my neighbor. I was friends with he and his girlfriend. Needless to say, I avoid him now, which inadvertantly means I avoid her as well. She has called/stopped by a few times to see what's up, and I've side-stepped her. I do not believe that she knows what happened.

I have discussed this with a few close friends and my therapist, but not the authorities. I'm just not willing to go there- which is stunning to both my friends and I because I'm not... I have never had an issue standing up for myself. Whatever. I'm not asking for your opinions about my ability, or lack thereof, to have this disgusting man arrested. I'm not really willing to go there now.

Here's the point: I had a brief romance with a man I'd been friends with since I was... 15 (wow, that's a long time!) around the New Year. We live in different states, blah, blah, blah. It was essentially a glorified (and somewhat elongated) one night stand. He called me today to inform me

Y!A cut me off.

He called me today to inform me that he has a urethral infection. He tested negative for clamidia and guanarea, but is still waiting on the herpes test.

So, I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. If I test positive for something I have to call the rapist's girlfriend and explain things to her.

Any suggestions on what to say to this woman?

Answer 1

I would wait until you find out for sure that his "infection" isn't just something because of a break down in his immune system. This happens in women, except we call them yeast infections or bladder infections.

Then, I would go get tested yourself to make sure that you aren't carrying any STD's.

If you show up positive for something, and only if you show up positive, I would calmly explain to the girl who is still dating the boy (as he is not a man, real men don't abuse women) what happened and what you tested positive for. Tell her that you are not trying to mess up her relationship, but that you are trying to make sure she gets tested and treatment so that she doesn't spread the disease either. If she reacts in a negative way, do not worry. Your true friends know what happened and it is no longer your issue as you have done the right thing by informing her of the situation.

Answer 2

I really hesitate to answer this question because I don't always agree with the "every man who rapes deserves jail for life" sentiments, but I do feel that you might benefit from a little perspective.
I had an incident myself when I was 21 (on my birthday to be exact - woohoo) and I was in a foreign country with my extended family. I eventually escaped the guy after some time and really didn't want the visit abroad to turn into a family incident and didn't think I could cope with going to the authorities. So, I never reported the incident and never told my family. Well, I don't regret not telling my family, but I do regret not reporting the incident. BECAUSE, later on I heard about incidents from the same location that made international news about a man raping tourists.
I still feel responsible (8 years on) for damaging other women's lives and it sounds like you've got a similar concern. I wouldn't expect this jerk's girlfriend to be too receptive though. Unfortunately, you've got all the hard work ahead of you. Good luck and stay strong.

You could always drop her a letter, like another person suggested, and tell her exactly what happened, but not leave your name. Less harm for you and she still gets the information she needs.

Answer 3

First of all I know u don't want to hear this but if it was me I would have reported him, so he does not go and rape other women.. hello... and another thing, You should have told the girlfriend when it happened, she may not believe you and she may think you are being with her man, if you don't want to protect yourself from that man it is your duty to report him to the police and protect other women, if he is willing to rape, he is most likely able to do other harm, maybe even murder someone. I don't know what you would say to her, but if you say something to her, he may get really mad and come after you. You may want to get some sort of protection, like the police or a friend or something.
This is very serious and I hope that you don't take this lightly, I am sorry that he did this to you, no one deserves that, also he does not need to be free so he can do it to someone else, and now hey may have Herpes on top of it, seriously that can just really ruin a woman .. I would think about this seriously.. Good Luck!

Answer 4

First off sorry that u were raped ,but why would u want an animal like that running freely to do it again to some other woman ? that was the first thing u should have done do all the tests for all the diseases out there u can come in contact with via intercourse. I hope your therapist is helping u through with this .

Answer 5

Why do you have to say anything to the girlfriend? Besides which girlfriend are you referring to the rapist or the one night stand? I'm Confused! You just need to wait and see what the results are for the herpes test and then you will be able to decide what is best for you. Your ONLY obligation is to yourself!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Prostitution has consistently existed and consistently will . legalisation might aid to guard many intercourse staff and their purchasers , however there'll consistently be a few prostitution so we can stay unlawful ( kids in distinct ) and while there's a call for it'll nonetheless exist . Three causes it must be legalised ; one million To take the enterprise out of the fingers of criminals . two To guard each intercourse staff and purchasers from from stds . three To financially guard each intercourse staff and punters . Keep charges standardised and makes definite all of the cash does truthfully cross to the intercourse employee .

Answer 7

Just tell her what her boyfriend did to you and that it wasn't your fault. You have to tell her because of the STD thing, you can't go without telling them, it wouldn't be fair to her. Good Luck!!

Answer 8

even if you decide not to go to the police, you need to tell your friend no matter what. it doesn't matter if you do or don't have an std. if you do unfortunately have an std, hopefully you gave it to the dirtbag. but your friend NEEDS TO KNOW what kind of person she is dealing with.

Answer 9

you ran out of room??????????

Yes you need to tell the girlfriend that she might get the disease because her boyfriend raped you. Do you want her to get it. she is an Innocent victim here and tell her how you got it and why you think she may get it

Answer 10

Just come out with it. And for your sake, I really hope you test positive, let me know what the results are.