If someone sends you a wonderful expensive gift, is it "insulting" to you?

Question

Let's assume you cannot afford to send them something equally expensive, and you don't really care enough about them to find something wonderful. Is the gift a burden, an insult and annoying? Are they reminding you that they are wealthier than you, or is it a gift from the heart? How would you react? Do you ask them NOT to give them expensive gifts any more, or do you just accept it politely and give them presents as you can and as you wish?

I did not say anything about my own personal situation, because I wanted everyone to feel free to say whatever they wanted here. I'm not even saying if I was involved in this situation personally in any way. I'm not describing the relationship of the people giving and receiving. I'm just trying to understand something. I appreciate all of your honest answers here. Thank you.

Answer 1

It depends on the person. Some people are just naturally generous, and they do give from the heart. Unfortunately, there are others who use expensive gifts to manipulate people into doing things they don't want to do, or to make them feel guilty if they don't do something for the giver.

A good way to tell which is which is to determine whether the person is kind and generous with everyone, or just with you.

If you are being singled out for special attention, be VERY careful. Ask yourself what this person might have to gain from giving you such an expensive gift, or what this person might be hoping to gain. If you're really uncomfortable with it, you can say something like, "This is a lovely [whatever], but I can't accept it. I'd feel too indebted to you, and that's not what I want our relationship to be about."

If the giver is kind and generous with everyone, then go ahead and accept the gift with a sincere "thank you." Don't feel you have to spend as much as they did--I think giving as you can and as you wish is a great idea. A giver who really has your best interests at heart will understand if you can't afford to give more.

Answer 2

You really have to look beyond the gift itself and at the person who gave it to you to understand what it means. Perhaps it's even more important to examine your relationship with the gift giver or how they feel about you.

If you think the person who gave you the gift is trying to impress you or win your affection, you should decide based on that whether or not it's appropriate to keep the gift or to accept any more. If you continue to accept gifts from someone who wants to win your love or start a relationship with you, eventually they will begin to believe that you also like them in the same way. If that is the case it's likely the person doesn't expect anything in return except your attention.

If you are just friends with the person giving you expensive gifts then they probably understand that you aren't in a position to return the gesture with equally expensive gifts.

Ultimately you have to decide what makes you comfortable though. It might be best to casually mention to the gift giver that you love the nice presents you have recieved, and you wish you could return the favor but you can't afford to give such elaborate gifts. Their response to you should give you a much better idea of where they stand and then you can decided what the right thing to do is.

good luck!

Answer 3

Like everything else, it depends. Who sent you the gift? Is it a friend? Your mom? Your sister? Boyfriend? Husband? My wife is always telling me not to buy her anything, but I buy her some nice stuff. She says she doesn't want it, but I do it anyway and, since I am her husband, I can do it. Your mom can do it, too. If it is your mom, even if she is trying to show you how rich she is, just accept the loot. Mom may be annoying, but you'll never get rid of her and no one thinks ill of anyone accepting unsolicited stuff from their parents.

What about a sibling? Is the sibling trying to show you how wealthy they are or are they just trying to be really nice?

Here's a question for you. If don't "really care enough about them to find something wonderful," why do you care whether you offend them or not?

Additionally, why do you care what their motivation is? You're getting stuff. Isn't that good enough? Is it embarrassing for you that you don't have as much money as someone else and that is why you react this way? There will always be greater or lesser persons that yourself.

Take the gift as an act of love and feel appreciated. It's not as bad as getting nothing at all. If you can, reciprocate. If not, don't worry. Just say thanks and move on. Don't take a gift, especially a nice one, as a cheap shot at you. It shows your insecurities, not the other persons.

Answer 4

It depends entirely on the situation. Once a friend gave me a very expensive book. I was worried about how much money he had spent on it, seeing that we were both college students. I asked him if he was sure that he wanted me to accept it, and he said it was the only thing he had ever hear me say that I wanted. It was incredibly thoughtful of him to remember when I had mentioned the book to him on an earlier occasion, and I accepted the gift. I don't think that he expected me to give him an expensive gift, and I didn't feel obligated to do so.

Answer 5

A gift is a gift is a gift. Whether it is expensive or not, thank the person graciously. He spent time, money and effort on it. How could it be insulting? In return, do what you can. If you can only afford to say "Thank you" that is all that is necessary. Don't make such a big deal out of it.

Answer 6

It's not insulting. Unless you have told them before, they probably don't realize that you cannot afford to get them equally expensive gifts. Just accept it politely and give them whatever you want.

Answer 7

I understand you completely. And although some gifts (believe it or not) are given with an insult in mind. You should still react graciously and thankfully. HOWEVER, never try to match gifts.

Just recipricate with a thank you card (if its your birthday) and or a small thoughtful gift in return.. in time they will get the hint.

Answer 8

If i send someone a expensive gift , they could just say "Thank You", them words mean more than to receive a expensive gift back!

Answer 9

Any gift, is still a gift. Although they do say it's the thought that counts, as long as it holds atleast a moderate value and isn't something as though feces or the like, then I say be gratiful for it. Anything else would truly be paranoia.

Answer 10

I agree with AM (previous post), if you feel offended by the gift, say "thank you", then either give it to someone or donate it. It shouldn't really matter how much it cost, its the thought that counts!