Affair? Please Help!?

Question

I am a 27 year old married woman with a 4 year old daughter. Have been married for the past 8 years. My husband led a double life with another woman and child (born to him days before he married me) for many years. I caught him red-handed, he then beg me for forgiveness and I took him back. But he has since then cheated on me several times, hasn't worked for months and we have lots of financial trouble because of him. He is however a good dad and does help me with the house chores.
My dilemma is that recently his sister's husband has starting to ring me and text me and I have started a relationship with him. We have till now only talked and have had no physical relationship. I tell him all my worries and that gives me peace of mind. But I am extremely nervous and feel guilty of doing such a thing. What should I do? Nip this in the bud or carry on have some excitement in my life?

After reading some answers, I have to add that the guy I am thinking of starting an affair with is my husband's sister's husband. They have 2 kids but apparently quite an emotionally deprived relationship.

Answer 1

Some people will tell you there is no justification to have an affair but I know it isn't as black and white as that. People look for things that are missing in their lives but can still love their partners... People shouldn't judge If they don't know all the facts.

The only advice I would give is think about the worst case senario of your husband or his sister finding out.

Could you cope with the possibility of him leaving you and your lover staying with his wife. In other words, could you cope with divorce and being on your own.

If you decide to go ahead, be very very careful.
Goodluck

Answer 2

Is this really the right thing you should be doing? I know it's easy for other people to spout off advice when they don't even know the depths of the whole situation. It's easy for people to just say "Leave your husband" or "Just sleep with the other guy". I am not quite sure why you stay with your husband. Just because he's a good dad and does household chores? It can't be because he's worth anything more than that. And love? Well if you're with him because you love him than you shouldn't be even thinking about doing anything with anyone else and think about marriage counseling. Not everyone can afford it I know. Don't stay with your husband if he's not really helping you. And I think you really shouldn't be having an affair. Ask yourself how you felt when you found out your husband was cheating on you. Now imagine someone else feeling like that. You may not care about your husband's sister but is it right to be selfish and aid him in possible cheating. Please don't be a cheater. Otherwise you would be no better than your husband. Also please consider the fact the tension that would create for your 4 yr old. I think you both staying together could greatly stress her. It's true that children can sense things like that. They are not as innocent as adults perceive. I say leave your husband and find someone that is not already engaged in a relationship.Two wrongs also do not make a right.

Answer 3

NO NO NO it's wrong....where are your morals...do NOT go near your sis in laws husband...it's not worth it....it will come out of the woodwork eventually and it will destroy both yours and his marriage...stop now before something really bad happens.....i know that your hubby has had affairs in the past an you have been kind enough to forgive him, but what you need to do is (next time he does it) get shut of him, this is obviously making you very unhappy and your looking for a shoulder, your sis in laws hubby is NOT the one you should be thinking of turning to...seek out some mates who are sympathetic and supportive....it may seem all nice now but when the crap hits the fan you going to regret ever starting it...don't do it...it's well not worth it...plus you have a little daughter who's the innocent one in this...do not put hr through any form of trauma or upset because you want to get even with your cheating husband...at that age she will already be picking up on vibes around your home...she does not deserve this so have a long and hard think atout what will happen if your daughter is dragged into this...it could turn ugly....forget all about the sis in laws husband, he is prolly just after his leg over coz his own marriage ain't too good....dont have him use you as a rebound and vice versa...theres other ways of dealing with this...focus on your marriage and decide what YOU want to do about it, but for gods sake dont have your little girl dragged into this awful mess...it's not fair on her

Answer 4

I am a daughter with divorced parents and a remarried mother who has 2 more kids w/ her new husband. If my parents would have ever cheated on one another, by now (I am a teen) I would have some terrible issues with relationships, love, and trust. If your daughters dad has continually hurt you like this you need to NOT GO DOWN HIS PATH AND SINK TO HIS LEVEL!! Sure it is only on the phone, but if you are feeling guilty go with your gut and do not continue this relationship. If you are seriously having ongoing issues see a marraige councelor or go on a weekend trip with your husband to get some alone time to rediscover your old love. This may come back to hurt your daughter in a few years or many years. Do not add to this possible hurt. If I were you I would stop this "phone fling" and work on the problem at hand instead of creating a new one.

Answer 5

"Two wrongs don't make a right". I imagine it's very difficult being in the situation you are in, I don't think that you should follow in your husband's footsteps and cheat. Think of how many people it will hurt and how it will destroy whatever sort of relationship you may have with your sister-in-law. Is it really worth it? If you're unhappy then just seek a divorce, why start a new relationship, when you're still trapped in an old one? It sounds like to me that the "sister's husband" is just trying to use you for your vulnerability right now and just trying to "bed you". You should steer clear of him every chance you get. Talk to your minister or a friend. Just don't keep it bottled up, but don't cheat either. When you took your wedding vows, you not only took them in front of family and friends, but in front of GOD as well.

Answer 6

OMG! I'm sorry that you are having this trouble. Don't cheat! It's up to you whether or not you get divorced. If you are not happy, which is most important, you are going to have to consider what's best for your child. Kids pick up on more than you can imagine. Counseling may be an option. But if it doesn't work, you have to make up your mind, do you want to have a husband that keeps cheating on you. God Bless you. You have some tough choices to make. Get rid of you mess, before you start another relationship. That will make it more complicated. Don't stress yourself out.

Answer 7

If you and your brother in-law really do want to be together you should be.
Life is too short to stay in a dead end marriage.. Everyone deserves to be happy.
One thing I will say is that before you both get serious with each other.. you should both detach yourselves from your spouses. You shouldn't move in together but live separate for a while and really get to know if you really love each other or if you just happen to be two adults in the same position and are going towards each other for comfort.
Another thing is, you need to tell your spouses that it is over between you and them. Be upfront and open.
You have to realise though that his wife will be going through the pain your husband put you through.. but you should ask your husband to leave. Things will never be the same for you two.
Play it safe and play it slow, and clean up the rubbish before you start a new life.

Answer 8

I would say you need to sort out what you want to do with your marriage first! I would not enter another relationship and become a cheat just because your husband has. It would be too messy and disloyal. Do you want to stay with your husband? If you broke up he could still be a good father, so that just leaves the chores....is that a good enough reason to continue?

Think things through, sort stuff out between you and your husband then see where you go from there.

Word of warning, try not to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Good luck

Answer 9

I reccomend that you do not have an affair with your sister in law's husband nor anyone else whilst married.
Your husband should not have affairs with other women & you must stop this. Talk to him (do not nag) & if he satisfies your questions & you feel that you will be a happy family in the future, you must decide whether it will work for you & your daughter. He must get a job to look after you & his daughter & perhaps you could help him get back to work which will help relieve some of the financial problems that you are experiencing.
It appears he is lacking in morality & family values & he needs to grow up, he may need help. He must think a lot more about you & his daughter. His role in life is to look after his family to the best of his ability.

Answer 10

First of all look at the example you 2 are creating for your daughter. Not only are you creating chaos for your house hold but look what your doing to that other mans wife. If you know how your Husband made you feel why put another through that mess.
you and your Husband need to seek professional counsel, if the relationship is worth saving and work on being there for that little girls sake.