Alright, so we've been on and off for around 4 years and are now steady for 6 months. We're engaged, and I have the dreams of being a mother. All of a sudden, he isn't interested. He isn't 'into' that sort of thing, out of the blue. I don't really have the slightest in what to do, as I'm very mothering and am trying to convince him to take in a puppy so I can coo and mother it. To top that off, he flirts with my best friend;;utintentionally, though, as flirting is attention without intention. What do you do when this happens? Is it typical?
2007-01-18 10:48:09 · 17 answers · asked by Cherrykins 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Flirting is attention without intention is a friend of mine's quote. I never verified on it.
The reason we've been on and off wasnt him;;it was my uncertainty and fear of a fully steady relationship. Now, I can't see myself without him. I'm not sure if he's afraid or what, but it's bothering me that I have interests we don'tshare, and then he played the 'well you don't enjoy -MY- interests' card. He's into his truck, I'm into mothering and animals. The only reason I am asking is my fears.
2007-01-18 11:00:48 · update #1
This is not typical, of a healthy relationship. You two have different expectations of this relationship: you want to start a family and he dosen't. Also, I don't think the flirting in this case is unintentional. He has stated to you that he is not interested in what you want out of the relationship and is now showing you by flirting with not just anyone, but your best friend, he knows that you are going to know about this.
I think he is trying to get you to push the self distruct button on this relationship so he dosen't have to.
Do yourself a favor and find someone who will want what you want. Go to the bookstore and pick up the book He's Just Not That Into You, I don't remember the author, but I think the book will give you insight into why he is acting the way he is.
good luck!!
2007-01-18 10:58:28 · answer #1 · answered by frenchie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The flirting can be typical if the woman (you) doesn't see anything wrong with it. It's not my way but I've seen it before and I've always wanted to ask why they let it go on. I have no idea what would change his mind that quickly. My last fiancee' wanted children too but I'm too old to be a good father even though I'd love to have a little girl. It's my brain telling me my body is out of date for being a father again. This doesn't seem to be your problem.
Sit him down and just talk things over. Talking is the basis for any good marriage. You two need this very much and it seems lie it's the only way you're going to find out and work out the problems.
Good luck, I hope you are happy.
2007-01-18 18:59:07 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A) Is he saying he NEVER wants children or that he just isn't ready right now? You need to agree on the baby thing BEFORE you get married. If he never wants kids... and you do... things are going to get messy. If he just means he wants to wait a little while (until after you are married... steady jobs... whatever) then maybe you can wait a little while.
B) He's probably really confused and a little scared/excited/worried/etc now that you are engaged. Give him time to adjust. Guys need time to adapt.
C) He should NOT be flirting with anyone, particularly your best friend. If you don't think he is doing it intentionally you might mention it to him so he realizes what he's doing and that it upsets you.
Good luck, hon! :)
2007-01-18 18:56:03 · answer #3 · answered by fluffomatic24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like you guys have the same interests at heart, family being the biggest one. A lot of people go through phases of wanting children and not wanting children and you need to make it explicitly clear to him that you want to have kids, and it's something that's incredibly important to you. And if you guys don't have these same ideals, maybe you need to reconsider marriage until you guys have similar family ideas and similar things at heart. Also, the flirting thing happens, I'm sure you flirt with people unintentionally. But you need to make sure that there really aren't any intentions behind it. You guys really need to talk about how you feel, otherwise it can't ever get better.
2007-01-18 18:57:31 · answer #4 · answered by snowbaby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay... Just think about that..... off and on for 4 years? That shouldn't really be happening... Off and on relationaships aren't healthy. And if he's flirting with someone else, that's not good either. Seriously!!! The positive thing is, he's being honest with how he feels. Maybe he just thinks that you are speeding things up too fast. I mean, you are ingaged, but maybe he just wants to actually be married, or wait a few years. He's probably just freaked about this whole thing. Just give him time and all will go well.
2007-01-18 19:04:41 · answer #5 · answered by rememberthechinchillas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may be at a point where you need to throw down the gauntlet so to speak. If you have been dating for 4 years and been steady for 6 months and taken the step of getting engaged, you need to find out how serious he is. And you need to decide for yourself if you feel comfortable making the commitment of marriage base on his attitude. While you may hurt for a while, until you are married or have kids you can still walk away.
2007-01-18 18:54:44 · answer #6 · answered by Justin H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like you two have good enough communication to get married. If you want children and he doesn't then it's a deal breaker for sure. Getting a puppy and then getting married anyway, without clearing up the confusion as to what you two really want, would be a stupid thing to do (sorry). You better not get married until you get him to open up his mouth and tell you what he really feels, what he wants in his future and what he doesn't want. "Not really into that" is NOT an answer, it's just him avoiding talking about the issue.
2007-01-18 18:53:32 · answer #7 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say you have already given too much of your time to this guy and you must move on. The most important point is, he does not want children and you do very much. Believe what he is saying and believe you will not change his mind without making him resent you. Move on and find a real man on the internet like I did. I've been with him almost three years now and we are both very happy with our relationship.
2007-01-18 18:56:46 · answer #8 · answered by MARCY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where did you get that myth from? "Flirting is attention without intention"? What absolute nonsense. Flirting is basically saying to the other person "If you are interested, I'm interested"
The bloke sounds a jerk and you sound immature.
2007-01-18 18:52:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
On and off for four years and steady for six months? Come on, sweetheart, the answer is in the question. If it was meant to be then there would be no 'on and off', only 'on'!
2007-01-18 18:53:01 · answer #10 · answered by penny century 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋