hi. i currently live with my boyfriend and i am having a hardtime dealing with his subscriptions to suicidegirls and fatalbeauty.com. i understand that a lot of guys are into porn and what not.. but to me its different when you are paying for the website to compliment these women and interact with them.. its not like you interact with jenna jameson when you download pictures or watch her "films." he says that i am insecure and jealous and that i am in need of professional help to deal with my issues. i feel like im being emotionally cheated on.. he says i should trust him but i dont feel like i can, especially when i see what he is saying to these women. (mind you, i can barely get the time of day but thats another topic...) please help. thank you.
2007-01-18 09:50:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hopefully by adding details, im not deleting my original question. we live together and did get engaged. it doesnt feel like it.. but we are. he says that he pays attention to me but he doesnt. (i think ive gotten flowers twice in our 4 yr relationship.) holidays, birthdays are gift cards with no thought. no job due to an emotional & mental disorder of his own.. i work. i come home, hes on the computer. we go out within 10 minutes of going home, hes back on the computer. he finds some sites as "art" and eductional based on piercings and tattoos. i feel useless, ugly, lonely and unwated. i thank all of you for your responses even though i guess i knew the answer all along.
2007-01-18 10:15:34 · update #1
ive tried to incorporate these things into our relationship. ive tried to be open and understanding to it. but as more time goes, and more activity, and less emotional and physical connection goes on between us, the worse i feel. he doesnt take easy to this subject. right away, i have issues and because he has been in more relationships than i, he feels that he is the authority on it. he's even threatened to break up with me if i didnt "correct" them. one thing is seeing tattoos and piercings but then another is full blown pictures saved and viewed endlessly. he makes it like a secret because he knows that im uncomfortable with it and is quick to blame me and my "insecurities." im supposed to "trust" and "love him.." "make the first move if i want to be with him.." .."that hes never done anything to violate my trust.." movies, magazines, dvds fine.. i can deal with that and that doesnt bother me. interacting with ppl that you can meet up with and pay MUCH attn to, does.
2007-01-18 10:21:33 · update #2
I was in the same boat at one time. I was given the same reasons that I am too jealous and the like. I eventually told him, " hey if I am not interesting enough to hold your interest without porn and you still need real life porn to get your jollies then I am not the girl for you." Believe me I didn't like being that upfront about it but I got tired of the arguments about it. Especially since these girls in the sites (aff and the like) can be met for a rendezvous. Good luck girl, and stick to your guns.
2007-01-18 11:00:26 · answer #1 · answered by avid_rafter765 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is emotionally cheating. Explain to him how you feel in a calm and civil manner. Tell him that you can deal with the magazines and the porn movies that he can rent or buy for little of nothing, but the online activity is what really bothers you. Even offer to watch some of the movies with him and it may lead to hot and steamy sex. Also, try to re-enact some of the scenes with him. He probably feels that you're not willing to do some of these things, so prove him wrong. A relationship is all about compromise and you both have to meet each other half way. If this is something he's not willing to do, then you will have to do some serious thinking about where this is going, because it will only bring you more problems and headaches and then your trust for him will forever be questionable.
2007-01-18 18:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by ksfinney17 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has to be hard. It's like he's cheating through cyberspace although it's not techincally cheating because there is no true physical contact or emotional connection between he and the girls. For whatever reason it sounds as if he gets a real kick out of watching these flicks no matter how much you contest. Watching pornography can be harmless but not at the risk of your relationship if it makes you so uncomfortable but to a degree you have to allow him to be himself and have his fantasy. It's not possible that he can ever get into contact with these girls it's just an outlet.
Try watching some of the movies he watches with him and do a little experimenting..maybe he'd like to act on the fantasies with you and it will take some of the attention away from these girls.
2007-01-18 17:58:55 · answer #3 · answered by Bonita Applebaum 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would kick him to the curb. You are not insecure or jealous, and instead of him trying to put this on you tell him to take a hike. He should not be wanting to look at other naked women and he definitely shouldn't be paying money to talk to them! That's going too far and if he made a commitment to be with you, he should be with you only, physcially, emotionally, and mentally. He is the one that need professional help....he's the one with the issues.
2007-01-18 17:58:48 · answer #4 · answered by Kristine R 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thats pure cheating, dont forget cheating starts in ur head first, dont let him turn it on you, you are absolutely normal, he is the one who needs treatment and should show you that you are the only one, alot of guys play with the girls head that this is very normal and prevents cheating and blablablaaa, bullshit.. thats why part of LIFE is finding this one guy who deserves you, if i were in your situation i would be really hurt by that, so you have no reason to be in this type of relationship, think and learn from the past, good luck =)
2007-01-18 18:00:35 · answer #5 · answered by ssoussa22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant believe this mess of a man. He is not even married to u yet and he ignores your presence and instead of giving you a few compliments here and there he chooses to flirt around with women who sell themselves cheaply.
Move on from this man as soon as possible. He splls didaster after marriage. This wont get better my love. It can only go worse.You deserve better.
2007-01-18 18:08:49 · answer #6 · answered by rowell1608 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really think he is being disrespectful of you. You need to seriously talk to him about this in a non-nagging serious tone, let him know how it hurts your feelings, use the logic you have explained to us here today and if he still doesnt quit then he is obviously not right for you. Good luck
2007-01-18 18:03:17 · answer #7 · answered by Panda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to deal with the 'other topic' for I really beleive this is the root to your other issues.
If something your spouse does drives you crazy then SOMEONE needs to assess if what they are doing is right.
Personally I have no prob with porn but neither does my girl.
But women seem to take porn and other fantasy much too personal. For most it is just fantasy nothing more.
But if he knows you have a prob with a certain behavior and he continues this behavior only you can decide when exactly it becomes disrespect.
2007-01-18 17:58:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
i would say that he isnt giving you the respect that you deserve. he isnt even really acknowledging your concerns. rather he is saying that you need professional help? these are all problems and its not even an issue as to whether he is right or wrong. what is the issue is that he doesnt care what bothers you. this type of behavior is hard to change and your only tool at your disposal if he wont at least work stuff out with you is to leave him.
2007-01-18 17:55:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I can't blame you for feeling slighted....
Have you asked him how he'd feel if you had a secret email "friend" who you cyber-boink all the time?
Honestly, I'd SERIOUSLY consider whether or not he's a healthy person to be in a relationship with...
Then email me. ;)
2007-01-18 17:57:50 · answer #10 · answered by Silver 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋